Thriving in my Thirties Series | Reflection Series #3: The Circle of Courage and Community Care.

Preface. When I began this reflection series, I wanted to be mindful that although my experiences and reflections are valid, it wouldn’t necessarily be universal across my networks of communities. So, I carefully try to craft each of my reflections to be not only intentional, but so that it may be very impactful and engaging to all my readers. Since sharing my first two articles, I’ve received an overwhelming number of praises, gratitude, and encouragement through comments and messages, both publicly and privately. This was when I realized, my story is our story, my resilience is our community resilience, and my courage is all our courage. These experiences were not just placed in another container, rather, I opened the can, container, the entire closet (whatever and however you want to call it) full of these untold stories, feelings, and connection between me and my readers. The shared struggles, challenges, confusion, joy, celebration, the relief, the reward, and, like many of you, still having the feeling of not knowing what’s next. To all my readers, thank you for being my source of energy, courage, and reminders why this series was important to share with all you.

Considering today’s reflection theme, I dedicate this reflection to the joyous life of my favorite mxntor, Corliss A. Watkins, who I know shines her light on me every day. I/we, the HP family, will take this day to honor our learnings from your (i.e., to never to say ‘ummm’ when speaking, lol) and continue to pass on your legacy; happiest birthday to you on this very special day! We miss you every day here on Earth, but we know you’re always here with us in spirit. In your favorite closing signature, Harambee! (Harambee?is a Kenyan tradition of community self-help events, and the word means "all pull together" in Swahili). I hope you enjoy this week’s reflection series.

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[Courage] I recently came across a post that I saved (Adapted from?‘Six Types of Courage’, by Dungate & Armstrong) who writes there are 6 types of courage: Moral Courage: to do the right thing. Emotional Courage: to heal your wounds. Spiritual Courage: to trust the process. Physical Courage: to brave the unknown. Social Courage: to be your authentic self. Intellectual Courage: to learn and unlearn

Like some of us, I immediately took interest in this list, and turned it into a check list, thinking about each type of courage, and assessing if I can check them off one by one. But then I took a moment to pause, and thought to myself, instead of being introspective about my own courage (or lack of thereof), how am I inspiring these courageous acts in those within my circle? How do I/we take the moment, as leaders and/or educators, to speak courage into the lives and experiences of our family, friends, colleagues, students, the ones we mentor, etc.? Sometimes it is because we don’t know how to, sometimes it is because we have ‘destructive mentalities’ and push our own values on others (i.e., we expect X from them because I’ve done it, and/or feeling/being responsible for their X feelings and therefore will shy away from sharing), and honestly sometimes we think we are not capable or qualified to do so because we are processing our own trauma.

Being courageous has caused me a lot of uncomfortable conversations and awkward moments, especially when I was in my doctoral program. As mentioned in previous articles, I had to establish boundaries with those around me about my space, time, and energy. For my family, this caused a bit of a ripple effect between our shared duties and responsibilities caring for the health and safety of our mom, who is still single and dependent on her children. As the youngest, I had to demonstrate courage to my older siblings, which we all can assume was challenging. For my friends, I had to be honest with the disconnect and my capacity of not always being that dependable friend. For colleagues, I had to be one to call in for help, to kindly ask to switch high-stakes projects with, to courageously tell my supervisors no, but also here is where I/we can compromise.

The ultimate courage was writing to telling my Chair I was not receiving the attention I deserved in my education, and that I was not being supported as a doctoral student; and when I didn’t see a change in their behavior, I wrote a five-page letter to the Dean calling in their mission and values. The toughest moment of being courageous was holding someone with a title, who I positioned to have more authority over me and the process, to be held accountable. Was this scary?! Heck yeaa! Did I have doubts in my own feelings?! Yep. Questioned myself over and over if I was being fair, was I being respectful?! Yup..yup, all these thoughts were true. I was specific in my examples and observations, I provided research data on graduation rates of first-generation scholars, I found myself justifying what I deserved in education, an education I was paying for, and that my community has invested into. So, I read and re-read the letter over and over and asked multiple mxntors to read the letter over before I pressed the SEND button. Did I catch myself experiencing all six of those courage acts? Yes, I surely did. I had to check my moral compass, my emotional and spiritual energy, where my social and physical courage was spiked, and intellectual courage was questioned.

So, what happened?! Well, the Dean immediately wrote me back within the hour after my letter. She acknowledged and recognized my feelings and experiences and offered to fill in gaps of communication and accountability to resolve my concerns. That was it, and that’s what it took her willingness to meet me where I was at and be willing to lean into my circle to support me. I had worked up the courage to explain, prove, and justify myself, for the Dean to basically say, I gotchu, we will do the next steps together collectively, and to me, that’s community care.

[Community Care] I wouldn’t even know where to begin when I talked about the immense support I’ve received throughout my educational journey, specifically in my doctoral program. I’ve had a laundry list of human power who have poured energy into every aspect of my life. I’ve debated naming a few, and to be fair, I want everyone to know they’ve contributed to my success. To name someone more specifically, I have a mxntor, M.M. ?who has been a primary advocate, supporter, and editor. She is one of the reasons why I’ve made it to the finish line. She has been with me in passing my undergraduate Thesis, my Master’s Thesis, and now my Dissertation. Through and through, I’ve made mxntors like her, and many more who have rocked with me, held space for me, encouraged me, loved me, nourished me, and helped contribute to the womxn I am today.

Unfortunately, during the pandemic, I didn’t get a chance to participate in commencement, and received the honor of being officially ‘hooded’ with my doctoral degree. What is a celebration if there’s no graduation? Without going so much in-dept, a dear colleague and friend of mine, Dr. M.S.T, also successfully defended her dissertation alongside side me. We both tell our stories differently! To me, I helped her by writing a simple email, rather to her, I helped her be courageous in (re) entering the doctoral journey. Collectively, we mark an accomplished together in becoming Doctors! She gracious and humbly hosted a small commencement in her backyard, and completely out done herself. From the stage set-up, opening music, our regalia, being a keynote speaker, and being hooded; Dr. M.S.T. made sure we commemorated this day as our day! This was a community love, care, and resilience. We showed out, we were going celebrate! A few months later, my family and I had the opportunity to bring a small group of family and friends together to celebrate my accomplishments of educational journey outdoors at park. This was very special day to me, given I hadn’t been able to physically connect with those I love.

Now, I only shared brief snippets of stories, and trust me there’s many more I wish I can list. But I trust that you know who you are, I thank you for being there for me. From family to lifelong friends (LPC, The Ladies, and more), to mxntors/fxmtors, to my amazing students, those who donated to my GoFundMe, and most importantly, my participants in this research who had the courage to share their narratives with me. I am grateful for your arms wrapping around me and collectively getting me to the finish line! The pep talks, the time, the space, the care, and compassion you all have showed me has been deeply impactful. I am here because of you too.

?[The importance of having your circle] A circle has many meanings including creative energy, openness & connection, spiritual significance, and symbolism such as the Yin and Yang, Chakras, Fu Lu Show (Blessing, Prosperity, & Longevity), Mandalas, Flower of Life, Tree of Life, etc. For some culture and religions, a circle can represent the evolution and transformation process of death to (re)birth - a reincarnation. The circle shape represents wholeness and eternity, it has no beginning and no ending. When a circle is comprised of courage, community, and care, it becomes a receipt for trust, responsibility, and action. By the end of this reflection, I ask you all to step into the circle, expand your circle, or create a more intentional inner circle that embodies intentional desires, hopes, and courage in the way that uplifts and elevates your mental, emotional, and physical being. Consider trusting the process of the circle, to take responsibilities in the circle, and to move in and out of the circle with purpose and action. Finally, recognize the circle is a shared cycle of courage and community care.

I have concentric circles, overlapping circles, spinning circles, and airtight circles; and some circles that are constantly growing, evolving, and changing. My circles consist of family members, my childhood friends and incoming friends, circles of students/mxntees who I consider my younger siblings, mxntors/fxmtors who have stood by me every step of the way, and circles of homies who are there to remind me to laugh, be present, and escape into an imaginary world beyond me. I have circles that keep me accountable, to push me to be courageous, to tell me slow down, to hold me in my most vulnerable moments, and circles to pick me right back up and tell me it is time to move on. I have a circle of folx that dream bigger than I could possibly ever, who have seen the highest potential in me, and those who have asked me to step into the spotlight, even when I feel so unworthy. My circle of community care is thicccccccckkk, and grateful for it. The circle is powerful: create and embody yours today!

Recommendation to all readers: Once you define and determine what courage means to you, there are two things to do about it. First, determine which courage suits you best and you feel confident about, and ask yourself how you can bring that (X) courage from those in your inner circle, how/why/what do can you do to be a better teammate, partner, mxntor to inspire folx to be more courageous. Secondly, review the list of courage types and pick one to continually work on, to enhance, and sharpen that courage skill so that you remember we are all constantly evolving in our purpose of life. We are embracing that idea of being learners and doing some unlearning because we are all humans. By stepping into this circle, I leave you to wonder how you are contributing to the community care you submerge yourself into either daily, weekly, or monthly. How are you passing on your wisdom, your signature impact, your courage to communities made vulnerable, communities who are under served and under resourced, and often left unseen, unheard, and untold. We are all courageous in our ways and have the responsibility to care for our community to do the same. #PayitForward

Until next time, stay tuned in with me as I will close out with my final piece next Thursday!

In community,

Dr. Lien K. Truong

Author’s Note: This reflection also goes out to all my students: past/present/future, my baby siblings/mxntees, my research participants, and to all my first-generation scholars of color who feel lonely; but to remember you are not alone in this circle of community, care, and courage.