Three years without alcohol: How it changed my relationships, my health and my life.

I never considered myself an alcoholic. Looking back though, maybe I was. From 2018 to early 2020 I was traveling 250-300 days per year. I was doing "business" lunch and dinners daily and it would have been rare to find me without a Lagavulin or Cabernet Sauvignon in my hand. I rarely drank aggressively but frequently.

On March 2nd, 2020 I went to Australia to visit one of my best friends, someone I'd had some epic drinking times with. When I arrived he mentioned wanting to do a month without drinking and asked If I was interested in starting then. I thought back to the last day I didn't drink and realizing I couldn't think of it off the top of my head, I quickly obliged.

After two weeks I had to suddenly depart back to the US due to the outburst of Covid and rumors that the U.S. would shut down its borders. Although it had only been a couple weeks, I figured I would honor our agreement and hold off on drinking for the remainder of our month.

What started as a month, became two and then three. I realized after three that I had no interest whatsoever in drinking anymore. But then again I was locked indoors and not doing social events.

When lockdowns lifted, upon re-entering normal social life (going to restaurants, bars and the occasional club) I had no idea how difficult it would be.

Friendships

The first thing I noticed was how many of my friendships revolved around alcohol. Looking back now it seems so obvious but back then I couldn't see it.

I started using a framework thinking of my friendships as friends of pleasure (friends that were based on fun not depth) and friends of spirit (friendships that fed my soul) These were the people that I would come out of hanging out with feeling completely fulfilled. How many friendships do you have where you could spend a weekend together doing nothing and still enjoy it?

Social Settings

If you've ever been around a bunch of people drinking while you're sober you know it's generally terrible. You'll rarely find any depth of conversation or truly get to know someone better by drinking. I also began to notice how many people feel uncomfortable drinking if you aren't.

I realized that I used to use alcohol as a way to bond with people, but looking from the outside I saw that although I was comfortable with people seeing me "let loose" I never actually got to know them at any deeper level. Looking back, I don't necessarily consider these to be true friendships, just friends of circumstance and convenience.

Since stopping drinking, I've become exponentially better at looking inward. When I want to be entertained, I take responsibility and find out what I need. Without alcohol, I turned towards other things; walks, games, activities, good conversation…?things to actually do.

Productivity.

As I continued on my journey of sobriety, I noticed a significant increase in my productivity. Instead of spending my mornings nursing a hangover or feeling sluggish, I found myself waking up earlier and feeling more energized. I was able to focus more on my work and felt a greater sense of accomplishment throughout the day.

Health.

Another significant change I noticed was in my health. Without the constant intake of alcohol, I began to feel better physically and mentally. I had more energy, my skin cleared up, and I felt less anxious overall.

Although it was difficult at first to navigate social situations without the crutch of alcohol, I found that it was worth it in the end. I was able to build deeper, more meaningful friendships and had more genuine connections with people. I was also able to find other ways to entertain myself and have fun without relying on alcohol.

Looking back, I realize that I may have been in denial about my relationship with alcohol. But by taking a break and reevaluating my priorities, I was able to make positive changes in my life that have had a lasting impact. If you're questioning your own relationship with alcohol, I encourage you to take a break and see how it affects you. You might be surprised at what you discover.