Three Year-End Conversations to Have With Your Mentee

Let’s face it, we can all use a mentor to help us navigate the challenges of today. There are ups, there are down, there are good moments, tragedy, learning, and heightened fear rotating on a hamster wheel cycle many of us would like to get off of. I know, I have gone through each emotion, challenges that seem insurmountable, and have often looked within and to mentors to help me so I can gain perspective and then help others. Whether you are a mentor or a mentee, it doesn’t matter. We are in a place to learn from each other and good mentoring is a chain. Leaders know this and they use this chain regularly.

“GRAND” MENTOR(S) >- YOUR MENTOR > YOU > THE PEOPLE YOU MENTOR OR COULD BE MENTORING > THE PEOPLE THEY MENTOR

We grow the most when we are in pain. We are more open to mentoring, to learning. My mentor told me about Joseph Cambell’s hero journey. There are 3-Steps that Gandhi, Buddha, Mother Teresa, and many others lived. On this path, the individual does 3 things. They go on a journey and:

1. Leave that which is comfortable
2. Go out and seek enlightenment
3. Return to teach others

MENTORING CONVERSATION #1: What journey have you been on in 2020? Have you found some learning and enlightenment? What can you teach me/others?

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MENTORING CONVERSATION #2: DINNER AND THE 9 F’s

These days, I don’t know about you, but I find the question “How are you?” increasingly difficult to answer. It is such a loaded question with many facets. I can say ‘fine’ we all can but is that true? 

I want you [mentors] to imagine a table and one by one invite these words as guests to your table (thanks also Verne Harnish and Tony Silard whom each had contributing insights). I did this exercise and then was able to do it with several of my mentees and family members. It helped a lot! Please invite in one guest at a time.

GUEST #1 — FAMILY. How are you doing with family 1 - 10. Are you in touch? How are communications? How do you feel about the role you are playing during COVID? 

GUEST 2: FAITH (1 - 10)

GUEST 3: FUNCTION (1 - 10) How are you functioning at work? Getting things done? Productivity? Ability to focus?

GUEST 4: FITNESS (1-10)

GUEST 5: FINANCE (1-10)

GUEST 6: FRIENDS (1-10)

GUEST 7: FOOD (1-10)

GUEST 8: FREEDOM (1-10) +

GUEST 9: FUN (1-10)

My older brother said to me recently that depression is anxiety that has lost hope. When we can identify where our challenges are and speak to others, we can start building an action plan to improve the areas that cause us suffering and thus, increase hope. For me, I gave freedom a ‘6’ out of 10 score. I felt trapped in and thought that if I made more $$ I would feel freer. I was trapped in my head trying to play an elaborate game of chess 24/7 with my two companies figuring out my next moves. I was feeling frozen in fear. For some reason, when I realized it was freedom not finance that was my greater challenge, I started changing the vibe around my home- going all out to decorate and get into the holiday spirit. We also rescued a puppy and went on a fairly safe two-day road trip. The action I took moved me from depression to peace- but I wouldn’t have known the root cause unless I did this exercise. Once I was feeling better, another contract came in.

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Lastly, every time a co-worker had a birthday at our company, my awesome colleague Kate would say “What do you want to take with you into the next year and what do you want to leave behind?”

CONVERSATION THREE: Mentors ask your mentee and share on that topic.

2020 has been a bear! A wise man once said to me “Somedays you’ve got the bear and some days the bear has got you.” 2020 is like a cement-laced coat that we have been wearing in a country divided in politics and separated by the pandemic. In this conversation, you’re giving your mentee an opportunity to consider taking that burdensome coat off. What do you want to shed in 2021? Take off that coat and perhaps put on a more suitable jacket with some of the best learning and insights with you. 

GOOD LUCK and ping me with any questions, thoughts, insights anytime [email protected]

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