Three words that can save your life.
Tina Catling FICE FRSA PPABP Msc Psyc Hons
Consultant @ ThinkOTB | Corporate Psychology, Communications and Innovation
“I need help”
The last week has been traumatic and one of the most difficult things I have ever had to manage in my life.
My ‘big’ brother – Victor Catling died suddenly.
His wife died a year ago – another ‘Alpha person’ a creative thinker and high achiever - she was having a routine knee operation so she and Victor could go on more adventure holidays together – Viv died suddenly in hospital of a blood clot.
In the months that followed Victor, simply didn’t cope. He could not live a life without his strong and amazing partner.
Victor was a Star with an exciting and full life.
He was a sports Star – reaching Black belt 3rd Dan and representing Ireland in the Commonwealth Olympics , a Music Star – the drummer for Van Morrison and signed by EMI – a local Star – he volunteered as Santa for his local council for 30 years, a business Star – growing a hotel in Belfast in the troubled 70s when he was shot at and bombed and not only survived but thrived but most important of all he was also a family Star - a devoted father to his special needs daughter and he was my brother - he was my Star and role model and so it is a profound loss.
Victor was a strong man physically at 20 stone and mentally as a leader, father, inspiring mentor, friend and brother – he was 20 years my senior and 100 years wiser
But there was one area where he was weak and that was asking for help.
Like a lot of strong men Victor found it impossible to say the three words that we should all learn to say – three words that enable others to support and help us at times of need.
When we are struggling we must turn to others and say “I need help” and then we must learn to let people help.
This is not weakness this is strength.
Resilience and tenacity and are great skills to have as our armor but when life gets really tough we need to have the courage to let others know we need help.
Losing Victor so suddenly has made me focus, even more, on one of my passions - that is the connection between mental and physical health and in particular the mental well-being of high achieving alpha people.
Life is precious and short and we do what we can. We must watch out for each other especially for our strong Alpha people ( the ones – whom the world is sure need no help) – male and female – people like my wonderful ‘BIG’ brother Victor Catling
We must be careful what we wish for ourselves and for the world and consider deeply the impact on all the individuals who perhaps are less mentally robust.
Do we need people to achieve ALL they can or ALL they want to be?
People in our contemporary work-place need space and time to think and they need to be listened to fully – but we must allow them the time to STOP and think.
If you need help, have the courage to turn to a trusted person and say
“I need help”
or if you think someone you know or work with is struggling just use the other three words that make a difference
“Are you ok?” and then really listen
Tina Catling
https://www.mindful.org/the-most-courageous-self-care-act-learning-to-say-i-need-help/
CEng MIET CMgr FCMI FIKE | Strategic Innovation Leader | Change Advocate | Breaking Down the Status Quo in Traditional Sectors | Enjoys Data
5 年It's so easy to go through life and see alpha people and assume they are in full control. But mental turmoil is not easily seen or appreciated. I'm guilty of bottling things up and 'pulling my socks up' and just 'stop being an emotional creature' but that's the point, that's what we, humans, are. Emotional creatures. And it should be celebrated and embraced and nurtured. Unfortunately in this modern world of superficiality, insecurity and a social and societal construct that is rapidly changing and slowly adapting it is so incredibly hard to remember to be human and embrace our weakness as a strength. Tina this really saddened me to hear and wish I could offer you more than just words, but know this, I feel a little braver for asking for help thanks to your post, and if we are all able to let our armour down and expose our humanity to one another maybe we'd be able to remember what it's like to be human before being anything else. Take care and you have my thoughts and thank you for sharing such a raw and open event in your life.
Innovation Specialist, Mentoring and Business Development @ Belken Ross
5 年Thank you for sharing Tina and so sorry for your loss - your brother sounded like an amazing man. It's sad but true that those who need help the most are generally those who ask for it the least, or not at all. ?Something for us all to think about.?
Administration
5 年Very heartfelt and wise words Tina. So sorry for your family’s loss of a wonderful brother and uncle. Understanding how we can help both ourselves and others should be a priority.