Three Wishes
Townsend Wardlaw
My first company cost me my marriage, my net worth, and my health. Now I guide Founders to skip this step on their journey to exit.
Raj Raghunathan is the author of a beautiful book titled “If You’re So Smart, Why Aren’t You Happy?”
Early in the book, he shares his favorite question to ask at parties.
Raj calls it The Genie Question because he tells a fellow party-goer to imagine meeting a genie with the power to grant them three wishes.
He then asks what they would wish for urging them not to limit themselves in any way.
As Raj tells it, people have little trouble coming up with their wishes.
Responses typically include something in each of the categories of Money, Success, and Relationships.
When Raj asks them to explain their choice, their answer inevitably includes the phrase “Because then I will have...” or “Because then I will be...” followed by the words Happiness, Freedom, Security, Peace, Connection, or Love.
In his informal polling of hundreds of people over the years, Raj points out few respondents have ever asked the Genie directly for Happiness, Freedom, Security, Peace, Connection, or Love.
It turns out most of us behave this way in real life as well
We spend our lives pursuing the means (money, career, relationships, possessions, etc.) to what we want rather than the end.
Rarely do we pause to assess whether these means bring us any closer to our desired ends (Peace, Happiness, Freedom, Love, etc.)
As a result, the goals we achieve rarely create lasting impact.
- Three months after driving off the lot, that shiny new car is just a car.
- Six months after landing our dream job, we find ourselves voicing familiar complaints.
- A year into a magical relationship, we have settled into a familiar rhythm.
I am not suggesting it is harmful to focus on the end over the means (or vice versa)
Neither approach is inherently right or wrong.
The process of integrating both is the challenge.
Here’s what I mean by integration:
- Focusing on our desired end creates intention.
- Intention allows us to define the means.
- Focusing on the means creates action.
- Action provides feedback.
- Feedback produces our experience of life.
- Our experience of life motivates us to re-adjust our desired end.
Wash-rinse-repeat.
Powerful living is an iterative process and requires effort.
Or you can wait for the Genie to come along.
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