Three Ways To Lead And Succeed In A Biased World

The fact is: we’re all biased, even when we have the best intentions, both consciously and unconsciously. That means that most of us can’t all bring our whole, authentic selves to work each day and be embraced and rewarded just as we are. The human mind just doesn’t work that way.

Think about it: The success of organizations relies on relationships, and we all like and trust some people more than others. That sense of connection is driven by many factors – everything from someone’s sense of humor to being perceived as physically and culturally similar.

The importance of likeability

People talk a lot about the double bind for women; that is, the research that shows that likeability often matters more than competence in how women are evaluated at work. The reality is that, for anyone who presents as obviously different from the dominant “norm,” being high on likeability can be very important to success. And it’s not just at the start of one’s career. Quite the contrary. Likeability, relational smoothness and going with the social flow become even more important as one moves up the ranks toward the C-suite and boardroom.

So, what can someone do who is outside the norm at work – whether because of race, gender, looks, nationality or socio-economic status? How can they increase their chances of getting a leadership position and being successful once there?

Behavioral blending and how it works

The answer is, what I call here, behavioral blending. In psychology, we call it mimicry, and we see it across many different types of animal groups. The idea is that people who are the most successful at crossing demographic divides do so by learning how to match their behaviors to their colleagues’, choosing a few key dimensions that their work culture particularly values.

Behavioral blending isn’t about matching how you dress or look – although research has long shown that some of that can help, too. It’s about how you act. Do you signal, in how you behave, that you’re one of us, that you are someone with whom other people in the group can feel comfortable? The idea isn’t to be someone you’re not, but to learn how to make who you are fit in more easily with the social flow at work.

Here are three examples to think about:

Delivery. One key way that people show that they understand what it means to be part of a human group is in how they speak. Delivery isn’t about the content of what you say, but how you say it. What word choices do you use; what volume, speed, and degree of passion or emotion do you invoke (or not)? What is your posture when you speak? Is your underlying attitude intense or laid back?

As an example, many C-suite teams are looking for people who can engage with “calm confidence” – low-drama, moderate energy, a sense of having things in control – no matter what is going on. I have also heard numerous C-suite executives talk about the importance “gravitas” and “executive presence.” So, if you want to be invited in, you need to figure out how their sense of “gravitas” might work in a way that comes across as authentic to you.

Let me give you a personal case in point. As a public speaker, people love the passion and energy that I bring to a stage, but as a Fortune 500 board member, I have received clear feedback. I have to flatten my delivery; that is, go lower volume, use less of my tonal range, as well as speaking at a slower pace. It takes practice and concentration for me to do, but has an important impact on how what I say is heard.

Small talk. Related to delivery is the issue of how groups use off-topic chatter to create relational smoothness, particularly at the beginning of an interaction. What informal stories, topics and goings on do people tend to share in the beginning of their conversations and meetings to create camaraderie and belonging? Is it stories about family, sports, politics or art?

For example, many successful female executives, rising through the ranks and nearing the C-suite, have learned the value of knowing football scores on Monday mornings. So, even if you’re not naturally a sports fan, it just makes thing easier if you make the effort to have something relevant to contribute when the team gathers on Monday mornings.

Timing. How people pace their work in and across meetings is a key feature that differs across human work groups and even national cultures. Anthropological research has long shown that norms around high versus low punctuality and pacing are important, often unspoken, factors in how a group forges a shared identity and culture. Research shows that people who deviate on temporal norms can evoke strong reactions – they tend to be liked less and seen as less credible.

As examples of how these norms play out, some organizations prefer agendas to be free-flowing, while others prefer to have rigid agendas with prompt, predictable transitions between items. Some organizations move meetings at a clipped pace, others move more methodically. It could also be around when people show up at work and leave, and how long people take for lunch. The point is to watch how the most successful people in your organization pace their time and activities and mimic them. Research shows that groups can grow impatient with people who are oblivious to key temporal norms.

Final thoughts

Organizations rely on relationships. We all like and trust some people more than others. Appearing physically and culturally similar is one factor that helps likability, but behavioral blending is a strategy we can all use when our gender, ethnicity or race doesn’t match the dominant norm. This isn’t about changing who we are, but about moderating how we act, in order to be perceived as more effective. It may sound like a lot of effort, but it’ll be worth it for the benefits that can accrue – for you, your organization and society as a whole – as we get more diversity among those who lead our most influential organizations.

This article originally published in Forbes. Sally Blount is Professor of Strategy at the Kellogg School of Management at Northwestern University.