The Three Types of Relationships

Ever wonder why many celebrities, despite knowing a lot of people, often struggle with loneliness?

The key lies in the depth of their relationships.

When it comes down to it, true happiness and life satisfaction stems from deep, meaningful relationships with high levels of intimacy.

And, even setting happiness and satisfaction aside, having deep connections is often just as powerful a factor to professional success.

So who do we focus on connecting deeply with?

First, we need to define the types of relationships in our lives.

They can be mapped out into three categories:

1. Loose Connections:

Most of us have thousands of these. People who follow us on Instagram, people we haven’t talked to in years, etc.

2. Big “C”onnections:

We usually have hundreds of these. These are more intimate and frequent connections which form the core of our network. People like college friends, work colleagues, clients, other parents on your kids’ soccer team.

3. Lifeline relationships:

Often four to eight people. This is our inner circle; our closest connections. People who know us deeply and support us unconditionally.

Loose connections are low intimacy connections.

It’s less important to place our focus here, because the ROI is low.

Lifelines are your high intimacy connections. These are more important.

In my book Who’s Got Your Back, you’ll come across the term “refrigerator rights”. This is something you have with a person whom, if you found yourself in their home, you wouldn’t think twice about opening their fridge and helping yourself to some food.?

In most cases, “refrigerator rights” only happens with lifelines.

These are people who know you well and care deeply about your success.

And they’ll often give you the advice you need to hear rather than what you want to hear. Even if it stings a little.

You don’t need more than a handful of lifelines, but they are a powerful part of your network.

When it comes to networking itself, the most important relationship group to focus on is your Big “C”.?

This is both where much of the opportunities and the challenges lie.

But if we have hundreds of Big “C” connections, how are we going to go deep with that many people?

I’ve mentioned social scientist Robin Dunbar in previous emails. His theory suggests that humans can maintain around 150 meaningful relationships.?

However, applying the 80/20 rule, it suggests that focusing on 30 to 50 key relationships will maximize your networking efforts.?

This is what I recommend. It makes going deep much more realistic.?

How do we know which 30 to 50 people to pick from our hundreds of Big “C”s?

Think of it this way:

If you’re an engineer, don’t hang out only with other engineers. If you’re a sales professional, don’t hang out only with other sales professionals.

Connecting with multiple communities makes you a more interesting person, which can add to your personal currency.

You learn more, have a more diverse perspective on life and work, and it generates more opportunities.

I for one have always enjoyed hosting dinners and events where I pick and choose people from different communities, but who share similar values and ideologies.

This can allow you to diversify your Big “C” while also narrowing down the relationships you want to commit most to.

More to come soon.

Warmly,

Keith

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