Three types of people you meet at work who can never be your “BFF”

Assuming an average person works for 8 hours a day, thinks about work for 4 (conservatively speaking) and sleeps for 6 hours (or less) each of us spends more time on what we call work than anything else. And so . . . the people we come across at work, our interactions and experiences... can impact us in ways far deeper than we think.

(Note: BFF means Best Friend Forever)

For this story, I have profiled three sets of people you will certainly meet and spend a lot of time with when the going is good. I am going to talk about :

1) Bosses who sing your praises

2) Team members who sing your praises

3) Business Acquaintances who sing your praises

Bosses who sing : Black Swans do exist. But in a mortal’s world made up of imperfect humans the manager-employee relationship can never be one that is anything more than exactly that . . . one who manages, and the other who is managed. It’s as simple as that. It’s a myth that these dynamic and fearless leaders who so eloquently praise everything from the colour of your sweater to how beautiful your children are . . . and your work of course, mean anything more than the ice sculpture at your friend’s wedding near the salad bar. Amazing to cherish and appreciate at that moment where the form conceals the cold ice . . . but totally not relevant by the time you move on to your dessert and non-existent the next day. I remember this “amazing” leader I worked for. Let us call the leader Fean Higlick. Fean was a charmer. Words flowed beautifully. The calls and reviews with Fean felt like rose petals flying and drifting in through the office windows. The autographed books, the hugs, the exchange of notes about family and friends. I thought I found that elusive Black Swan. WRONG ! Fean was human. The exchanges were transactions in the larger sphere of work where one benefits and the other loses . . . or somewhere in the middle for both sides.

the exchanges were transactions in the larger sphere of work where one 
benefits and the other loses . . . or somewhere in the middle for both

So I concluded . . . Bosses can be a lot of things. They can sound like they care, they can attempt to care, they can even end up caring . . . but no . . . they can never be your BFF!

Team members who sing: So you are the epitome of a leader. You exhibit empathy, you genuinely care and you lead by serving. You gave her endless chances, believed in her, coached her into finding her true potential and revived her career. She should have been fired and she knows that you saved her. Then for the duration of that dream run, she sings. You find an echo to words you speak. She is there to appreciate what you have done for her and the appreciation is honest. She also comments on your sweater. She feels your children are sweet. She genuinely regards you her mentor and wants you to be her life coach. And you enjoy the fact that you can bring meaning to someone’s life. Let us call the team member Samy. After our careers took us our separate ways, I heard that Samy was at a conference I was attending. Since there were other mutual friends at the conference I asked each of them to let Samy know I am looking for her. This is Samy after all. I was sure there would be stories to share, so much to catch up. Samy would also be looking for me the moment she knows I am at the conference. I am her life coach after all! Finally, towards the end of the day, I run into Samy. “Heyyyy there. HOW have you been? It's been a while! You look amazing !!!” I say all at once as I extend my arms for a hug. But Samy is human. The exchanges with your team members or mentees are also transactions where one benefits and the other loses . . . or somewhere in the middle for both sides. Of course, Samy politely extended her hand to shake mine, called me by my surname saying “hi Manuel” and moved on after a 3-second interaction.

So I concluded . . . your teammates can be a lot of things. When you care it may seem like there is a relationship that is more than business, there may even be that time when one who is in need is dependant on one who can help and both sides combine to form something beautiful. . . but no . . . they can never be your BFF !!

Business Acquaintances who sing: This set of the human species is obviously the most transactional. Should be very easy to understand. Right?But no. . . many of us do not. The intoxication of positions we occupy when successful can impair our judgment. Those head hunters who called you and sang your praises and offered to track you onto your next big break. The agencies who wanted you to speak at their events. The free-lance consultants who sang praises about the sharpness of your strategy and followed you around. The partners who stood to benefit. They too commented on my sweater. They admired my starched white shirts. They were also enquiring of my family and felt my children looked very sweet. Then I took a sabbatical. I was not in that specific place they had identified me with. Then the emails go unanswered. Suddenly the coffee meets just look so difficult to manage. The phone conversations are brief and end with . . . “let's stay in touch”. My ultimate experience was when an acquaintance blocked my email when I followed up for a meeting he had proposed. I have taken a screenshot of that mail block to weave into the stories for my grandchildren when I am older (maybe earlier).

So I concluded . . . your business acquaintances can be many things. They may be genuinely good human beings. Their praise of you is perhaps sincere and honest . . . just like your team members. When they enquired about your wellbeing, they really meant well. But your business contacts are just that. Normal human beings whom you came in contact with for that specific transaction/s. They too . . . can never be your BFF !!!

Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination and experiences or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.