Three, Two, One, Lift Off!

Beep beep beep… beep beep beep. You hear the dreadful sound of the alarm clock for the second time this morning. This means you've already snoozed it, which is a clear indication that you need to get into the shower and out the door as soon as possible. You slowly open your eyes, wondering for the millionth time why bed sheets feel so delightfully soft in the morning. As usual, you turn on the TV to listen to the news as your body gradually awakens. You tune CNN and notice that your favorite astrophysicist, Neil deGrasse Tyson , is talking about space wormholes, a topic way too hard for you to even attempt to comprehend. You change the channel to the BBC, only to hear theoretical physicist Michio Kaku talk about traveling faster than the speed of light. Again, their TikToks are easy to digest, but anything more is difficult for your brain to process. So, you do what you normally do to avoid your morning obligations one final time: you grab your phone and open Facebook. You quickly see that there is just one thing people are talking about. It's the following NASA alert that has become viral: "Time travel confirmed."

As you walk down the street to catch the bus to work, you notice that no one is around. "This place is deserted," you think to yourself. You wait about 30 minutes and nothing happens. "It's strange. Is it possible that I entirely missed the fact that today is a holiday? It wouldn't be the first time this happened. I should ask Sally." So, you dial your best friend's phone number. She answers right away. "Hello," she greets. "Good morning, Sally. Can you give me a ride? There must be a problem with the bus," you add. "Are you crazy! Go home now!” she exclaims. "They're about to announce the winner!" "What do you mean?" you ask perplexed. Sally then elaborates. "Scientists from all around the world have just revealed the discovery of a wormhole right next to Earth." It's quite unstable and could vanish at any point. An unmanned probe went in it and has just returned with footage from the past!” she says. “Given that this is the greatest leap for humankind, NASA will allow one civilian to be the first to travel across time. It’s even possible to pick the day and time to visit, imagine that!” “But you have to be home, as national databases from people all around the world will be used to randomly select a winner. So, return now!” she orders.

Back at home, all dressed up and with nothing to do, you decide to make yourself a bowl of Frosties and binge-watch a rerun of Friends on Netflix. Anyway, what’s the point of thinking about something you don't understand? Worse, what's the point when your chances of being chosen are one in 7.8 billion? The rest of the day goes by without anything important happening. Suddenly, three loud bangs on your door break your hysterical laughter as you watch Ross wrestle with his leather pants . You get up and open it, only to discover a half-dozen soldiers, looking imposing with their full gear on, right on your doorstep. Yes, the 0.00000001 percent chance was in your favor this time.

You go out of your home a few minutes later, surrounded by a military escort and deafened by the 3,000 horsepower turbo engines of a Black Hawk helicopter that has just landed on the street. It will take you to the airport, where you will board a jet bound for the Kennedy Space Center in Florida. As you leave, you recall Sally's words, "It’s even possible to pick the day and time to visit." You have no hesitation in your mind about which situation you wish to relive. You've been tormented by regret ever since that dreadful day, spending countless hours agonizing about what might have been if you had done something different. It's now time to go back, make changes, and be happy again.

We all feel regret in different ways. Simply put, it’s the negative emotion of lamenting past choices, blaming oneself for unfavorable outcomes, or experiencing a sense of loss over what might have been. According to the temporal theory of regret, actions that result in negative outcomes produce regret in the short term, whereas inactions that result in missed opportunities generate regret in the long run. Regarding the latter, research cited by Cornell University reveals that 76% of people say their biggest life regret is a decision made that prevented them from being their ideal selves, or, more specifically, from realizing their hopes and dreams.

The question is why, if such an event happened in the past, we continue to lament about it today. One of the answers lies in how we think about opportunity. According to studies highlighted by the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin , regret endures in circumstances where we think there is still an opportunity for us to take positive action. Consider, for instance, that our past choices—or lack thereof—led to us losing our business. Many times, our minds will continue to operate under the assumption that we still have access to the same opportunities as the successful business owners we encounter in everyday life. “If I could only find financing,” or “What if demand recovers,” are some of the thoughts that will bolster regret and keep the pain alive.

Regret can cause one to engage in counterfactual thinking, which is the process of speculating how one's life's events might have turned out differently. Though there is nothing fundamentally wrong with pausing to consider the past, it's crucial to know when to let go. Psychology Today notes that thinking about "if only" and "what if" repeatedly can have a negative impact on one's mind and body when it develops into pointless ruminating, self-pity, and self-blame that prevents us from re-engaging with life, appreciating the present, and seizing opportunities. This pattern of habitual, pessimistic thought is characteristic of depression and could contribute to this mental health issue. Chronic stress brought on by regret can also harm the immune and hormonal systems. Additionally, stretching the emotional impact of traumatic life events over months, years, or even lifetimes might make it more difficult to recover from them.

Daniel Pink outlines a three-step process for handling regret in The Power of Regret . Step one is self-disclosure to lessen the burden of carrying a regret. The experience transfers from the realm of emotion into the sphere of cognition when we reveal our ideas, feelings, and actions to others or when we write about them, even just for our own consumption. By reliving and relieving our regret, we lessen part of its weight, which can open the door to understanding it. Step two is self-compassion to reframe the regret as a human imperfection rather than an incapacitating flaw. It starts by exchanging judgment for kindness. It doesn't downplay our mistakes or dismiss our flaws. It simply acknowledges that being imperfect, making mistakes, and running into problems in life are all aspects of the shared human experience. Finally, step three is self-distancing to examine the regret dispassionately. One method for doing this is to imagine the future and then examine the regret retrospectively. It can make the problem seem smaller, transient, and manageable.

Note that the existence of this negative emotion has an evolutionary basis. Never stopping to think about the past prevents people from growing and learning from their mistakes. We discover who we are and what we actually want out of life via regret. It’s quite helpful for motivating us to take action and assisting us in determining what we truly want in life. Regret serves as a reminder that opportunities are finite and that nothing stays forever. And last but not least, regret offers us a wonderful chance to forgive ourselves.

Let's wrap up the story now. It’s a beautiful morning at the Cape Canaveral Air Force Station. NASA’s Orion spacecraft stands tall, a magnificent ship built to take humans farther than they’ve ever gone before. You're all strapped in, waiting for the countdown to begin. Oxygen, checked. Gear, checked. You're on the mid-deck, where there are no windows so there’s nothing to look at but a wall of indecipherable equipment. The captain’s comforting voice suddenly appears on your headset to ask you “Well, what day in the past would you like to experience again?” “What do you regret having done or not done back then?” “How do you want to change that?” Now, close your eyes and think about your answers for a moment.

Author: Esteban Polidura, CFA. August 20, 2022.