Three ‘T’’s to reframe your rejection thoughts

When Jubin first met Monica in a summer camp, he felt instantly hopeful for a romantic connection. He started pursuing her, but Monica didn’t show any interest in him. Yet, Jubin continued to charm her through many little & grandiose things for the next seven days.

The summer camp ended; everyone was heading to their home. Jubin approached Monica, again confessed his love and asked how they could continue to be in touch in future. Monica clearly told Jubin that she was not at all interested in this romantic pursuit and it would be better not to stay in touch.

Despite her telling clearly, Jubin decided to show up at Monica’s home on her birthday. He drove for three hundred kilometers the entire night & knocked at Monica’s home in the early morning. Jubin thought his romantic gesture would pleasantly surprise Monica, melt her heart & she would change her mind for him. On the contrary Monica was shocked to see Jubin and found it creepy. For Jubin, the love story ended there.

But the fact is love was never there, it was only in Jubin’s head. Each time he communicated the same, Monica rejected. Each rejection made Jubin more persistent, more obsessed. He could not understand the fact that you cannot make someone love you by loving them more. It simple does not work that way & looks creepy to the other person.

Jubin was not able to differentiate between romantic surprise and creepy behavior because he was not able to deal with the rejection. Psychological studies have found that rejection creates emotional pain which feels like physical pain and sometimes worse than that as well. Rejections cloud our rational brain and interferes with our decision making. That was exactly why Jubin decided to surprise Monica with a romantic?gesture despite her clearly saying no.

How to reframe romantic rejections through three ‘T’?

1. Type: You are not their type & so are they. You might be a comfort-loving person who wants to spend the weekend?at home and the other person is an adventure junkie who wants to go for a trek every Sunday morning. You love loud music & late-night parties, and the other person loves reading a book till they put them to sleep. Research has also witnessed romantic rejections when people found the other person’s music playlist to be entirely different from theirs.

So, you are not right or wrong, you are simply not their type, they are not your type. This rejection is a redirection towards your type, keep the hope alive.

2. Timing: Most of the time romantic rejections occur because the timing is not right. May be the other person is going through some critical phase of life and getting into romantic connection is not at all in their list. May be recently they have gone thru a rejection in personal or professional life, and they are slowly getting out it. So, they are fearful, they don’t want to get hurt again.

Time plays a crucial factor in romantic rejection because one is looking for a lifetime relationship and the other wants it as time-pass. One wants to take it slowly and the other wants instant gratifications.

So, you are not the problem, nor are they. It is all about time.?

3. Too good: Many times, you are too good for them and that is why they are afraid to come close to you. You shine so bright for them that they fear their dark traits might come out in light. Suppose you are known for hard work & disciplined approach and for them work is never a priority. You are into social service where you spend your time & money, and they love to pamper themselves only. Even if they like you for what you are yet they don’t want to come close to you. Because deep down they fear once you come close you will not like them anymore.

So, in romantic rejections when someone says, ‘It is not about you, it is about me’, then believe them.

Published earlier in the newspaper tabloid "The Desert Trail"