Three Truthful Words.

I wanted to share a simple phrase which contains three of the most powerful words, in any language, that can be said by anyone to gain insight and wisdom - as long as they are said authentically, and meant:

"I don't know".

The more I know, the more I know I don't know - and will never know. There isn't enough time under the stars to know everything I could, or want to. This sometimes depresses me. But still, I say I don't know all the time. If anyone ever gets the idea (because I'm interested in a lot and have a lot of random knowledge) that I think I know everything, I'm fairly horrified.

I don't. At all! I constantly doubt and recheck everything I know (although part of this is neurological).

And worse, we often project this onto other people because it's how we behave, or conversely hold ourselves to too much account.

One problem is that we have come to see true curiosity as a failure. If you don't know, "you aren't in control, can't be trusted, can't lead, can't teach"... none of this is true. Humans aren't primarily knowledge transfer devices. We're collaborative learners and storytellers who best accumulate and develop knowledge together - creators of emergent curiosity - and that's how we do it best - by not knowing, by inspiring each other to explore and know a little more. Science itself is often misquoted as the art of knowing, and it isn't at all - it's the art of trying to find out more of what we don't know. And then to question it when we do!

People in general don't want to be wrong (no one does, myself included), and can feel attacked if someone has a viewpoint or evidence we haven't considered or that doesn't fit our biases or world views, triggering doubt or injuring pride. But we can learn a lot if we are humble and vulnerable enough to say "I didn't know that," or "I hadn't considered that", or even, "Oh, you're right!". Sometimes we're wrong because we just don't have or haven't considered all the answers.

That isn't a failure. It's an opportunity to know more! But it's also something that requires some courage; we fear the unknown, we know we can't control it, and we don't want to be faced with it.

I have far more trust and respect for someone who truthfully admits they don't know, and invites me to find out with them, than I do for someone who intimates they have all the answers and couches them in ultimate fashion to suppress further questions.

These three words are so simple - yet so seldom admitted, especially by authority in business and society. They are reflected in how we communicate, too: when we say "This is how this is and you should take it as such", or avoid answering if we have no answer, instead of asking "so how and why did you take it as such, and this is how it was meant", or saying "I don't have the answer yet, but let's explore it together", we are not winning anything tangible, or advancing human knowledge. We are constraining the evolution of shared and individual learning, and feeding ego at the very least.

I'm not always right; new data does come along, and respectful dissent drives the progression of real knowledge. Refusing to admit we might not know something moves us whole steps closer to the cliff-edge of hubris.

The worst thing you can do as a teacher or leader is believe - or imply the belief - that you are the ultimate authority. When I run a class, I never tell everyone I'm "The Teacher". I'm very clear: I'm a learner, on a journey, and on this one path I may be a little further along than they are. That's it. I learn more every time I teach, and I'm there to inspire learning, not impress with data.

So reframe your feelings on admitting "I don't know". It's not a weakness; it's not shameful. It's human - but it's more than that:

It's the point of learning. The point of accepting you can't be right about everything, and you can't know anything. The point of humility, of vulnerability, of honesty with yourself and others… the point of trust. It's also a point of inference to admitting mistakes, and saying sorry - two more powerful words when used genuinely.

It's also the point of exploration. When you say "I don't know", often the next step is to go exploring. When you proclaim "I know", and won't hear anything otherwise (especially if you don't really know!), you very often won't, and this is how knowledge gets quickly outdated.

So it's also, really, a point of wisdom, too.

Is it more?

I don't know. Probably. Why not explore it more with me?