Three Tools for Change
When it is time to “uplevel” I recognize that I need a lot of support—a team if you will. My team is one of my tools for change. I seek body workers, certain types of therapists/coaches, healers, spiritual guides and the counsel of wise friends. I’m not sure what a caterpillar feels like when it knows it’s time to molt/transform, but I imagine it’s similar to what I feel in an “upleveling.” The caterpillar stores energy, builds the cocoon within which the transformation will take place, and gets about its metamorphosis. I feel that way, too. I know it’s time and I prepare for it.
The last time I “upleveled” one of the things I sought was deep tissue massage. I wanted to rid my body of all the emotions stored in the tissues. I had a stash and I knew it. If I was going to facilitate the transformation ahead of me I needed to free my body.
Tool One—My Team
I pay attention to the things my team says on my behalf. During one of the transitions over a decade ago I was in a movement/breath/meditation class taught by a chiropractor. He commented that my body was like an empty pop can. If he were to stand on it, it would crush. He wanted to see me living from the inside out, not just from skeleton but from muscle, ligaments and breath. I realized at that moment that he was speaking literally and metaphorically. There was not enough of a ‘me’ in this body to withstand the pressures of life. Finding ‘me’ became my next growth project.
Tool Two—Lighten the Load
Another of the tools for change that was thrust on me pretty unwittingly was getting rid of material possessions. I was talking to someone today and realized I’ve moved 10 times since 2002. That’s a lot of times to (literally!) carry around sh*t you don’t need. What a drain. Somehow in all my moves I was convinced “stuff” would make me feel it home. It didn’t. I finally got sick of it and started getting rid of things. I had to let them go both physically and emotionally by grieving all the memories that were attached to each piece like energetic strings. What an exercise that was. And yet, I believe getting rid of those physical and energetic ties brought me more freedom than any single thing I’ve done in a lifetime of personal growth work. The “veil” between me and Life has gotten much thinner.
Tool Three—Embrace What Is
I’ve come to accept that this is my life. I move, I change, I grow. Reminds me of Hillel’s quote, “I get up. I walk. I fall down. Meanwhile I keep dancing.” Just last week I gave up the idea that one day I would “arrive,” i.e. have a home where my heart can rest. That is apparently not my life. This is my life: I move. I change. I grow. I no longer need to have my life in abeyance or my happiness on hold until…
All of my life experiences have made me who I am. I’m not waiting for anything any more. I don’t need to. It’s all here right now, I have my tools for change that will help me “uplevel” any time I need.
I have triple certifications as a life, relationship and grief recovery coach, with extensive training as a relationship systems coach, mediator and collaborative divorce facilitator. I know the heartache of leaving a life you love, and leaving a family without its container. I am divorced, just like you. My divorce came after 30 years of marriage. I was “in it” (the pain, turmoil, confusion, blame, guilt, etc) for a number of years, since it took us nearly 5 years to get divorced. (It was a big decision that I didn't take lightly). One of the remarkable surprises, and one that I totally did not expect, was who I became through the process. Pain changes us. It makes us kinder and gentler and more aware. I became all those things. I love the person I have become, and you can love the new you, too. I can help with that. I fully believe in your ability to get through and get better. You can lean on my faith in you, and my faith in the process, until you find your own.