The Three Things Men Want in a Relationship

Let's cut to the chase, gentlemen. When I’m asked to distill the secret to a thriving, long-term relationship with your significant other, in my humble opinion it comes down to three things: Companionship, sex and honesty. Those are the three keys to a successful long-term relationship.

It's about finding that one person whom:

1. No matter the season or reason, you’ll want to talk to every single day. In other words, lifelong companionship.
2. And, equally important, it's about that same person month-after-month, year-after-year wanting to have sex with you on the regular. In other words, lifelong sexual intimacy.
3. And, finally, it’s about that same person always be honest with you, as you’re always honest with her. In other words, lifelong trust.

That’s it.

But, as we all know, it's not as straightforward as it sounds. Life isn't a romantic comedy where everything falls perfectly into place after 90 minutes. Real life is much messier, filled with drama and arguments that can chip away at your desire to talk with her and her desire to have sex with you. Likewise, temptation can be a powerful dark side force motivating dishonesty which can crush trust.

And when drama in the relationship overshadows the fun and happiness, when communication breaks down, when trust gets lost, when the sex life starts to dwindle, you can find yourselves leading parallel lives, full of excuses and missed connections.

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Think about this for a moment: Statistics tell us that around 1 in 2 marriages end in divorce, often within the first eight years. That's a staggering number. It paints a grim picture of initial bliss giving way to dissatisfaction and the looming specter of a painful breakup.

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But why does this happen? And more importantly, how can you prevent this decline in your own relationship?

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A key lies in understanding and actively nurturing both aspects of your relationship – companionship and intimacy – while also keeping it safe to share the truth.

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Let's start with companionship. Companionship isn't just about cohabitation or sharing responsibilities. It's about truly enjoying each other's company, having meaningful conversations, and supporting each other through thick and thin. It's the late-night talks, the inside jokes, and the mutual respect that keeps the flame of friendship alive within your romantic relationship. It’s about truly caring to hear about each other’s days. It’s about maintaining kindness (as discussed in Relationship Workout for Men Podcast Season 7 ) and civility toward each other even when conflict is brewing to bubbling at a full boil.

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Now, onto sex. The physical connection between you and your partner is not just about pleasure; it's a fundamental expression of love and desire. It's a language of its own that says, "I want you, I desire you, and I choose you." But maintaining a healthy sex life requires effort and communication. It's about understanding each other's needs, desires, and boundaries and being willing to explore and grow together in intimacy, understanding that our sexual appetites evolve over the years.

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So, how do you balance the three pillars – companionship, sex and honesty – especially when the going gets tough – which is inevitable in any long-term relationship?

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Of course, effective communication is a key, as discussed in Seasons 13, 14 and 15 . Talk openly and honestly about your feelings, desires, frustrations, and various behaviors. Don't let small issues fester into insurmountable problems that constantly spawn new bouts with drama. Improve your skills at communicating to help reduce the drama. Don’t hide the truth, making the issue ten times worse once she finds out what you’ve been hiding, as foundational to these conversions is maintaining integrity, which is discussed in Season 8 .

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Next, make quality time for each other a priority, regardless of your busy schedules. Remember that a quality relationship also has fun, connected happy moments. Be proactive in finding ways to have plenty of those connected moments to together.

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And remember, intimacy isn't just about raw sex; it's also about physical closeness, affection, and small acts of love. Intimacy begins outside of the bedroom, while also realizing that excessive drama can kill chemistry, as discussed in Season 3 .

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And finally, don't be afraid to seek help if you're struggling. Whether it's through books, workshops, therapy or receiving insights from a Relationship Care Platform like RelationshipWorkout.com , getting an outside perspective can provide valuable insights and strategies for reducing the drama and strengthening your relationship.

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For instance, through the Relationship Workout Program at RelationshipWorkout.com in less than an hour you can receive insights specific to your situation on what you can do to reduce the drama – and how.

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Put another way, a happy, long-term relationship is within your reach if you're willing to put in the work, and it’s a lot less work if you know specifically what to work on.

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So, remember by fostering both companionship and a fulfilling sex life, built on a foundation of honesty, you're laying the groundwork for a partnership that can not only survive but thrive over years of being together.

Explore more insights on taking action to improve your relationship by listening to Season 18 of the Relationship Workout for Men Podcast.

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