Three Steps to Becoming a More Empathetic Leader

The new times we’re living in have been difficult and tumultuous for everyone. The amount of change we’ve all had to face in such a short period of time has been sometimes scary, often frustrating, occasionally inspiring- and above all else - consistently uncertain. And while we’ve settled into something of a new normal, what’s normal promises to keep shifting.

Over just the past few months, we’ve witnessed sudden, jarring shifts in the way we work, if we’re fortunate to still have work. We’re all worried about our loved ones’ health. At the same time, we’re witnessing a magnificent, modern civil right movement. All of this change is a lot to process for anyone. 

Clearly, more than ever, we need empathy. It’s not a new concept or even a difficult one to grasp (I feel your pain). But our consciousness of it—because it is a conscious effort—can easily fall by the wayside when our peers or teams need it most, even if it does come to you naturally. 

If I’ve learned anything this year, it’s that everyone has to try harder to think about, and care about, what others are going through. Especially leaders, who have to put that empathy to work.

To that end: I want to share some of my own best practices, in hopes it can help you better draw upon your own empathy when needed, and how best to apply it. I’ve narrowed them down to three principles. 

1. Realize life is unique to the one living it 

As a manager, your team is likely to be made up of vastly different people. A person’s age, relationship status, communication style, resume, upbringing, race, ethnicity, parental situation, and so – these factors all add layers of complexity to what makes them who they are. We all need empathy, but how one receives it will vary wildly:

• For parents, we have to be mindful of their current situation. Some have children at home all day. 
• Other parents are dropping kids off each morning and picking them up each afternoon, facing a different kind of daily disruption. 
• As leaders we can consider ways that give them more flexibility, like “office” hours that work for them. 
• Similarly, many employees may be facing the double duty of working remotely and caring for a sick or elderly parent. They need as much slack as we can give them.
• Lastly, many of us are simply missing the socialization that working in a collaborative office environment brings (myself included). We’re craving ways to keep ourselves connected. My “Howdy Calls, “for example, have been a great tool, where I call members of my team just to catch up without any pressure of work talk. 

And speaking of staying connected… 

2. Create meaningful moments with your team

You won’t know your team’s issues unless you’re there to listen—but “there” is iffy now, isn’t it? Forging those meaningful moments that lead to productive conversations aren’t easy like they once were. You have to consider the best ways you can connect with your team now. Is it a socially distanced/masked one-on-one? An all-hands video conference? A zero-expectation, friendly phone call?

For us at the org, the reality is setting in that we’ll be working differently for the foreseeable future. So, we’re communicating what’s working for us (and what isn’t) more frequently to make sure everyone can be supported. Doing so helps identify pain points, which can help you develop the empathy your team needs from you. 

For instance, video calls seem like the perfect, easy solution means of ‘being there’ for employees who may need a boost. However, what about the introverts for whom being spotlighted on video conferences feels like torture? Again, these are things we’ve never had to consider as managers before, but it's forcing us to find creative ways to connect with these folks without creating stress.

I recommend this article for more information on becoming more compassionate in your leadership style, especially in this era of video conferencing.

3. Put yourself out there – and show your own humanity 

When our days start running together, it’s easy to fall into a purely transactional working style as a manager. Don’t get caught in this rut, and don’t let your team get caught, either. 

One way to avoid this is by sharing more of yourself, and your own life – and by being more of a participant in these empath-engendering moments. This may go beyond the traditional, slightly-detached leader role you’re used to, but it's vital right now. After all, empathy builds empathy.

On my team we’ve discovered several unique ways to put ourselves out there and bond – even if we can’t be together physically. In one situation, we held a virtual -dinner with a customer to get to know them better. It allowed us to be in their “home” versus a meeting room at a conference—a more personal and meaningful interaction. 

We also hosted a “Mad Science” virtual event for kids since most summer camps were canceled, which allowed the children of our team members to stay connected with their peers and have some fun as well. 

In both cases, I pushed myself out of my comfort zone, and tried to lead by example. Not only did I have a great time, but I felt myself organically connecting with my team and customers in a way that I hadn’t in a while. The payoff is huge.

Final thoughts...

Despite all the examples I’ve shared, know that nothing is perfect. We’re learning every day how we can stay connected and amplify our empathy. There is no finish line, simply the drive to do better than yesterday. 

It’s our responsibility, to make sure our teams feel seen and heard. Remember these three principles to retain and improve upon your empathy, and use your learnings to create lasting impacts. The world of work is changing whether we like it or not, but in return we, too, can create our own change. What better time than now?