The Three Stepping Stones to Self-Confidence

“You’ve got what it takes to be a fantastic coach, Diane.”

That’s what one woman in my executive coaching program said to me.

I remember my response, too:

“Someday I hope to feel on the inside what you see from the outside.”

Feeling confident has eluded me for much of my professional life. I have a feeling this is common for a lot of people.

Over the years, this has been my journey: to learn how believe on the inside what others perceive based on my actions on the outside.

Are you somewhere on that journey, too?

As a coach, I sit across from people all the time, witnessing how brave and skilled they are. When I offer acknowledgement based on what I see, I sense that familiar dissonance. I can see it in their eyes:

Who, me?

If this resonates, know that you are not alone. Our confidence journey is unique for all of us.

I'd like to share three insights that have supported me to catch up with what others see in me, and to truly stand in my own self-belief. Think of them as three stepping-stones on a journey, or three phases of evolution in your self-confidence.

Step 1: Self-awareness.

Learning about yourself is the keystone to building confidence.

In 2007, I participated in a StrengthsFinder workshop. What I learned about myself through that tool blew my mind! It showed me what I was naturally good at. And that gave me permission me to see myself in a different way.

I remember holding that report in my hands and making a decision, right there.

Okay, if these are my strengths, then I choose to take a risk, and stretch myself into a more senior leadership role.

Because now I had some data to help me understand how I could live into that. All I had to do was step into my strengths.

WOW.

Let’s look at phase two.

Step 2: Self-acceptance.

Confidence starts with knowing who you are. Confidence grows by accepting who you are.

This has been the journey for the last ten years. To accept me for me. Knowing that I am enough. That being me is enough. I don't have to be or do like everybody else. I can lead and coach in ways that feel authentic to me. And as a leader, I can give people runway to do things their way.

Becoming the most authentic version of myself as a leader has been awesome. (It’ll be awesome for you, too.)

The other thing I've accepted is that I can't be good at everything. I know what my strengths are, and I know what my zones of “non-genius” are, too! Rather than beating myself up about that, I accept that those are not areas of comfort and competence for me.

Let’s look at the third stepping-stone.

Step 3: Self-compassion.

Moving from accepting yourself to approving of yourself is the capstone. This takes practice. Our early beliefs are wired in pretty hard, and take some undoing.

This has been my work of late: to be gentle with myself, to rewire that inner critic into an inner champion, and to give myself grace when I don’t show up as my best self.

Rewiring your inner critic into an inner champion takes work.

And it pays off.

When we are able to live into these three elements of confidence, we can do anything. Because at the end of the day, these three phases in building your confidence are inner work. Building confidence has nothing to do with external validation or opinions.

I want you to remember that.

In the Inspired Leadership Signature Program, we help you learn practical, easy things that will make you more confident as a leader. We strengthen that confidence by supporting you to understand yourself and your strengths.

Because when you're able to understand and appreciate who you are, you’ll find yourself surprisingly gifted at inspiring others with your leadership.

Join us today for the May 2022 cohort.

P.S. Remember, building your confidence isn't about what other people think about you. It's all about what you think and believe about you. Truth.