The Three Stages of Transformational Growth

Have you ever had a friend or colleague who routinely talks about their challenges, but never seems to make the changes they desire?

Or have you personally struggled with wanting to change something in your life, but felt defeated when you haven't made much progress?

An unfortunate part of the personal and professional development world is the presence of shiny object syndrome, without authentic conversation surrounding behavior change. We avoid the hard conversations about what it's going to actually take to get the results we desire, and shy away from accountability.

There is so much talk (think: multi-billion dollar industry) about the benefits of goal setting and the transformation you “can” have if you "buy" this thing, but not enough dialogue around how you can make real change in your life.

So what keeps some people stuck, and what allows others to move the needle on their growth?

Ultimately, it boils down to three key stages that are essential for real change, or as I call it - transformational growth.

1 - Awareness

During this first stage of growth, you start to become curious about what's going on in your head and your heart. You know you're feeling unsatisfied with an area of your life, and you start to investigate what's causing the tension.

You've identified the problem, including your patterns and limiting beliefs that are getting in your way. In many cases, you acknowledge that your stuckness may be impacting those around you - including people who care about you the most.

A few stage one examples:

• You aren't getting along with the people you manage at work, and your direct reports keep on quitting their jobs
• At home, you notice that something you say to your partner is triggering the same conflict over and over again
• You want to design a morning routine and get in shape, but every time the alarm goes off, you hit the snooze button
• For over a year, you've been really unhappy at the company you work for, but haven't started exploring new opportunities
• You're feeling disappointed in your dating journey, and noticed that you're dating the same type of person each time?

During the Awareness Stage, you identify and name the problem without judgement, and begin to embrace reality.?

While the Awareness Stage is an important step, most people fall into the trap of staying here too long. They become attached to their ego and cling onto fear and their identity instead of heading into the second stage.

We all have that friend who's been complaining about their job for multiple years without applying for new roles. Or that person who has a big passion they won't pursue. Or that leader at work who says they want to do better for their team but never changes their behavior. These are classic examples of getting trapped in the Awareness Stage.

2 - Courage

During stage one, you identified the area that you want to address, but haven't started taking action yet.

During the Courage Stage, you start taking ownership and responsibility for the changes you want to make, and begin to move forward.

In many cases, you share with others about what you identified during stage one, and what you plan to do as a next step. You might even ask for accountability and support.?

For instance, maybe during the Awareness Stage you discovered that you struggle with anxiety. After further reflection, you realize the only way you can address your anxiety is if you work with a therapist. So during the Courage Stage, you research therapists and book an appointment.

If you are in the Courage Stage, you are no longer complaining to your friends about your unfulfilling job. Instead, you are telling them that you have hired a life coach and scheduled two informational interviews at companies you want to work for. Internally, you're starting to feel a bit lighter.

Getting into the Courage Stage is a big step - and it's critical that you don't confuse action with real behavior change - the final step.

3 - Behavior Change

Stage three is the stage where real transformation takes place. Most people don't get to this stage because they are unwilling to take consistent courageous action over a longer period of time.

People with higher emotional intelligence and self-esteem typically have an easier time operating in this stage. Stage three involves a willingness to fail and practice self-compassion when you hit bumps in the road.

During the Behavior Change stage, your behavior consistently aligns with your new identity or the changes you want to make.?

• You're showing up every Tuesday morning to your workout class.
• When you feel upset with someone at work, you take three deep breaths before responding.
• You're no longer spending time with people who bring you down or are unable to meet your needs.

So why is behavior change so important for growth?

Great coaches and organizational psychologists live in the space of behavior change and theory. Different from trait theory, which is often subjective and focused on the qualities someone has, behavior theory focuses on objective and observable behaviors.?

Behavior theory supports the notion that anyone can get better at [fill in the blanks] because most people can learn habits and routines. In other words, this is where we say: “actions speak louder than words.”?

If you want to experience real transformation, you have to consistently change your behavior and walk the walk.?Otherwise you're letting yourself - and in many cases, others - down.

You don't become a great leader by practicing empathy some of the time. You don't become a runner by going on one run each month. And you don't become a supportive partner by expressing your appreciation now and then.

Real transformation is driven by consistent behaviors over time that support the goal you want to achieve.

. ? ? . ? ?.

Of course, these three steps are not meant to over-simplify or downplay the significance of the growth journey. They also don't speak to how scary change can be, and the amount of courage it takes to make the leap.?

Change happens when you recognize that the pain of staying where you are is grater than the pain of making the change - and then decide you to take a bet on yourself.

And one final world: it's important to recognize that what's missing from this list is the reality of mental health, and how it can impact or impede someone's growth journey.?

For instance, if you struggle with anxiety, depression, ADHD, or addiction, you might not be able to move the needle as much as you'd like until you receive the resources you deserve to address the root of your challenges. Self-compassion and professional support is critical here.

What is an area of your life that you're feeling stuck in? What stage of growth are you currently at, and what action would you need to take in order to move to the next level?