The Three Stages of Life: A Personal Reflection

Life often demands reflection in its quietest moments. It's no wonder some people are always busy. The recent passing of my brother, Donovan, brought me to one of these moments—confronted by the stillness of an early morning ten days after his departure, I had an epiphany. In that silence, I considered the arc of life, its inevitable stages, and the truths that define us. From the beginning of birth to the vigour of youth and its pursuits of adulthood, to the finale—the fragility of aging and dying. I contemplated that life unfolds in three distinct but interconnected phases: birth and development, the pursuit, and sickness and dying.?

Birth and Development: The Foundation of Self

Life begins with hope and infinite potential. Each birth represents a sacred threshold marking the beginning of a story to be unfolded. My brother’s life, like mine, started with this universal stage of innocence and dependency. As children, we are shaped by those who nurture us and the environments in which we grow. It is here that our identities and personalities are forged through love, learning, and liberation or the lack thereof.

Ten days after my brother's passing, I find myself lying in bed (well, the sofa) in the early morn reflecting on my brother’s life—his joy of singing and dancing, the curiosity in his eyes as he discovered the world. Our childhood moments define us more than we realize. They set the trajectory for the lives we later construct. Yet, childhood is not always picture-perfect. It is also marred with wounds—wounds that form our souls and inform how we navigate all of life’s future complexities—as champions, advocates or critics.

Then we hit adolescence, the bridge between childhood and adulthood—a time of questioning and testing. We wrestle with our individuality and long for independence. My brother, like many of us, faced this stage with both uncertainty and courage. It is here that the seeds of our adult character takes deep roots. Navigating the complexities of family dynamics sets the stage for the next chapter of his life.

The Pursuit and the Chase: The Middle Years

This second stage of life is a time of striving. As young adults, we chase dreams, pursue stability, and seek connection. For my brother, as for many, these years were defined by money and sex—who has it, how they got it and how we can get it and keep it. It's a quest for success.

Money, for many, becomes more than currency during this time—it becomes the symbol of status, achievement, independence, and sometimes even self-worth. My brother worked hard to provide for himself and his family, juggling the pressures of life, career and finances with grit and grace. Yet, I know he also wrestled with the deeper questions that arise during this stage: Am I fulfilled? Am I doing enough?

Relationships take center stage during this stage: love, intimacy, and sex shape who we are and who we are becoming. Romantic love, intimacy, and sex are different concepts that are often intertwined in relationships, but they often exist separately. That said, my brother found joy and heartbreak in equal measure. This pursuit of love and money is a phase of life where the lines between finances and relationships blur, forcing us to take a step back, recalibrate and reprioritize.

Notwithstanding, this stage is also about purpose. My brother and I had long conversations about the meaning of life and our intentions—both realized and unfulfilled and how deeply this phase define us. It is in these years that we begin to sense the clock ticking, spurring us to ask: What do I want my life to mean? To look like? To feel like? My brother and I often encourage each other, mentor each other and cheer each other on.

Sickness and Dying: The Culmination of Life

The final stage of life, one my brother faced far too soon, is perhaps the most sacred. Sickness and dying remind us of the fragility of existence and the inevitability of our mortality. In his final days, my brother’s illness revealed truths that only life’s finality can expose: the importance of love, family, the power of forgiveness, and the clarity that comes with letting go.

This stage is not merely about physical decline; it is a time for emotional and spiritual reckoning. My brother, even as his body weakened, showed a quiet strength that transcended his physical being. I recall the day he told us about his illness and the resolved he showed was both humbling and inspiring. He sought spiritual connection, expressed gratitude for the life he lived, and embraced a peace that is seared into my memory.

Death, comes for us all. Though painful, it also offers a gift: perspective. Sitting with my brother during his last days, I felt the weight of what truly matters. In the end, it is not the money we earn or the accolades we achieve, but the relationships we cultivate, the lives we touch, and the moments of love and kindness we give.

My brother cared deeply for those he loved, putting their needs before his own in ways both great and small. Perhaps what defined him most was his selflessness and the fact that he never sought credit for what he did. My brother and I shared so many special moments together, each one a treasure in my heart. This last photo is special to me. The smile on his face and his relaxed posture says everything—the joy, the love, and the comfort he must have felt. His life, reminds me that in each stage, there is something to learn, something to earn, and something to let go of. It's about the legacy you leave behind. How do you want to be remembered?

My brother called me a few days before he passed and said: "Sis, when you don't hear from me, don't feel bad, I love you and I am always thinking about you." He reflected nostalgically on our relationship and gave God thanks for the bond we shared. Then he said, "Sis, I'm tired." Who knew that would have been our last conversation? Rest peacefully, my beloved brother. You are forever in our hearts.

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