These Are The Three Sources Of Drama

In a recent episode of my show Life’s Messy Live Happy, an anonymous viewer in Maumee, OH, asked a question that we at Reality-Based Leadership hear all the time, so I thought I’d share it with everyone.

How can you get people to stop being catty and creating drama at work?

Great question! It’s the question I get asked at almost every training session I give. In fact, I start every training session by asking people, “What are the sources of drama in your organization,” and I'm amazed because people have the same answer.

People always tell me it's others who are catty, judgmental, who can't deal with change, and who won't cooperate. I ask, “What's the source of drama in your workplace,” because it's actually an accountability question. What I'm listening for is the word “I.” See, most people believe that all the drama in their life is what other people bring to the table. I'm listening for somebody to say, “Wait a minute, that drama that's here, it's because I allow it or I participate in it, or I am it.”

See, I know there's only three sources of drama in the workplace if you're a leader:

1. You hired it.

2. You enable it, allow it, or don't address it when it happens.

3. You are it.

So, with an eye toward accountability, I want you to focus on your own drama first, editing your stories, moving beyond ego, and I want you to stop believing everything you think. Once you do that, you know what you’ll find? The behavior of others is much less irritating, much less of a problem to be solved. That will clear up part of it, but I want to get to the legitimate part of your question.

I have a really great technique that I love to use when somebody brings me drama, gossip, or judgment. The first part of the technique is to say something profoundly positive, because that sets a tone, a microboundary, for where I'm willing to go and what my general attitude is. I put us on the same side as the person we think is the problem and I join together with them mentally. Then I ask the question, “What should we be doing to help?”

Here's an example. I have a fantastic sibling who spends a lot of time worrying about my brothers and sisters, and many times that's just good concern, but every once in a while she falls off the bus and phones me with an agenda. One time, she called me and said, “Oh my gosh, have you heard about our brother?”

I said, “Our brother. I love that guy! Why? What's up?” See, I put profound positivity out there. She said, “He's buying a house, and he can’t afford it! His wife is talking him into spending money they don't have. They're going to be destitute in retirement!” She brought in the drama, so my next response was, “Our brother will be destitute? What should we be doing to help? I have extra money. I'll send him some. When my kids are gone, he can live with me in retirement.”

I started problem-solving and she was faced with a choice. She could start helping or change the subject, and in this case, she changed the subject. She said, “I'm not getting involved in that hot mess,” and I was able to say, “Okay! What are we doing for the Fourth of July?”

“My brother? I love that guy! What should we be doing to help?”--that’s a technique that I think will limit the drama in your life, because even if some people take drama elsewhere, it's not in your vicinity. Now, here's the real catch--I can't help you limit your drama unless I’m in a position like your leader, coach, or friend--one where you're open to me helping you self-reflect. What I can do is ensure I don't participate in drama, and without a participant, drama has nowhere to land.

Try that simple technique and let me know how it goes.

Is there something going on at work you think I could help with? Submit it here and it might be featured in an upcoming episode! Oh, and make sure you’re following me on social media at @CyWakeman!