Three Simple Questions to Determine Harassment.

Since the public revelations about Harvey Weinstein there has been a flood of claims of inappropriate behavior by those in power in the workplace. Some acts we have heard about are criminal in nature and everyone can agree those are wrong. But what if what was done isn't criminal in nature? We hear some perpetrators and their defenders saying things like "it was just a kiss" or "I am sorry if they were offended by something I did, but I didn't intend any harm" or "I was just joking." How can we judge when something isn't appropriate?

While working as a consultant on sexual harassment cases I have used a simple test that I think most can agree upon as a common-sense guide to determine when behavior is not appropriate.

I call it the 3-G Test or Three Generation Test.

Let me explain by using an example: Let's say a man is accused by a co-worker of doing or saying something sexually inappropriate (I am using a man, because they are usually the ones engaged in this type of behavior, though not exclusively.) The test is simple. We ask the following three questions:

1. Would he think it was okay if a stranger said or did the same thing to his 11 year old daughter (or niece)?
2. Would he think it was okay if a stranger did or said the same thing to his spouse (or his sister)?
3. Would he think it was okay if stranger did or said the same thing to his mother?

If the answer to any of those three questions is "no" then it was inappropriate behavior. It is called the Three Generation Test because it covers three generations of people. It is based on the concept that if we wouldn't allow a stranger to say or do something to those dearest to us, then we probably shouldn't say/do it to our coworker.

The same three questions can be asked of someone who is defending someone else's inappropriate conduct. Would they be okay with the person they are defending doing those things to their daughter, spouse/sibling or parent?

I frequently used the 3-G Test when dealing with people who didn't think what they did was all that bad. Often when I asked them the three questions they were appalled or angered by the thought of someone else saying or doing what they had done to their own loved one. It often helped them see the victim's perspective.

Work behavior is never appropriate if it is offensive to the other person.