The Three Rivers of Personal Change

I teach Leading Change at Trinity Western University. In my class, I quoted Bridges (1991) on making transitions in life: "Transition is about letting go of the past and taking up new behaviours or way of thinking, and transition consists of three phases: ending, neutral zone and a new beginning". We need to cross three rivers of personal change. The first river is ending and not hanging on to the past. The second river is the neural zone, a place of creative thinking and action. The third river is the new beginning, where personal change occurs.

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Similarly, Feiler (2020) opined that transitions are in three phases but not in a particular order: the long goodbye, the messy middle and the new beginning. It counters the linear stage-by-stage process of transitions espoused by Bridges (1991) and the change curve of Adams et al. (1976) during the loss of a loved one: shock, denial, anger, bargaining, depression acceptance, experimentation, discovery, and integration.

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Feiler (2020) argued that transition is a vital period of adjustment, creativity, and rebirth that helps one find meaning after a significant life disruption, such as moving to a new country, the loss of a loved one or being diagnosed with cancer, as we spend half of our adult lives in transition. If we stigmatize the transition, we are stigmatizing half of our lives. He explained that there are five truths about transition:? 1) transitions are becoming more plentiful, 2) transitions are nonlinear, 3) transitions take longer than you think (but no longer than you need), 4) transitions are autobiographical occasions, 5) transitions are essential to life.

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Feiler (2020) gives a more robust explanation of the nonlinearity of transitions. It is possible to experience a new beginning and get stuck in the messy middle before saying a long goodbye.

For example, when I gave my life to Christ and understood that I had a new beginning in Christ, I got stuck in the messy middle of habits, and I had not yet said a long goodbye to such habits. I experienced a new beginning and fell into the neutral zone before ending the bad habits. It was sharing my life story with a mentor that helped me transition.

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We cannot concluded our transition until we cross the nonlinear rivers of the long goodbye, the messy middle and the new beginning. How do you navigate life's transitions with meaning, purpose and skill?

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References

Adams J, Hayes J and Hopson, 1976, Martin Robinson, London (ISBN 085520 1290), Understanding and Managing Personal Change

Bridges, K. B. (1991). A genetic theory of the emotions.?The Journal of Genetic Psychology: Research and Theory on Human Development, 152(4), 487–500.?https://doi.org/10.1080/00221325.1991.9914709

Feiler, B. (2020).?Life is in the transitions: Mastering change at any age. New York: Penguin

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