Three Questions to Ask When Facing Adversity
Several things have been roaming around in my mind. There seems to be a connection of sorts. Let me do my best to explain to you.
Too many people go around being sour monkeys when it comes to something happening that is disruptive. And I get it. There you are with some lofty plans or even small plans and whoosh, out of no where you are thrown off course because of an outside force.
It disrupts you. Your momentum plummets. And your anger swells.
It’s a human reaction.
My friend John-Erik talked about balance being a lie the other night. If you are “balanced,” then you are basically stuck where you are and not moving forward. No growth. However, if something disrupts you in some way, it pushes against you and causes friction. That friction of the thing not feeling so good is where you gain momentum.
When everything is status quo and life is rocking along, there is little reason to stir up the pot and make a change. But, when something comes along and gets in the way and you have an obstacle of sorts, some type of adversity, you have the opportunity to problem solve.
The idea of problem solving from some adversity reminds me of my friend Amanda. This gal is amazing. She’s created her online empire out of nothing. I’m inspired by her on the daily.
She’s totally transparent about her journey, her beginning years and what is going on currently. A while back someone she knew started a group about her. At least this is what I recall. The exactness of it may be off, but the meat of it is really what’s important.
She found out that some really mean things were being said by her and being human, she was hurt. Who wouldn’t be right? What I found so amazing about this situation is she found a way to turn it around.
Rather than curling up on the couch, binging the latest show on Netflix, stuffing her face with Cheetos and chocolate all the day long, she found a way to literally Turn Sh*t Into Gold.
She used the situation to bring good into the world. She expanded her energy to help others rather than contracting into a corner and allowing the thing to eat her up.
I’m not sure of the time-frame from hearing about what was being said to creating something for the world, as she is human so I’m sure she took a minute or two to vent, scream, cry and then release. Her releasing brought something beautiful into the world.
Pretty cool, eh?
How does this possibly relate to you? I learned this from Amanda and I’m sharing it with you because I believe it is really important for more people to do this. I think the world would be a better place if more people started to get curious about things rather than feel everything is happening TO THEM.
Nothing my dear happens TO YOU, rather, it happens FOR YOU. Granted you may not see it that red hot instant something happens, but it really is there for you to learn. But, you need to open yourself up to actually being willing to learn.
Let me give you an example. Event A happens and it rocks your world. You are emotional and feeling like you are lost. Now what.
Step One – Get curious. I wonder why, X happened?
Take out a piece of paper or a journal if you have one and answer the question. Write until you feel empty.
Step Two – Deepen your curiosity. I wonder what I am to learn from X? Answer the question and again write until you are empty.
Step Three – Get deeper in your curiosity. I wonder what good I can with X and how I can help others? Write again until you are empty.
I found asking these questions to be most helpful. It allows me to reassess and drop the blaming and feel calmer when something triggers me. For instance, I recently had something happen that brought back feelings I have about my step-father. I’ve worked on the emotions surrounding that relationship but I am challenged again to go deeper.
And since I am human, all kinds of emotions came up, but rather than calling my friend and just going off and saying “f*ck me naked down Main Street with a cactus sideways,” I said to her, “I wonder what this is here to teach me?”
Do you see how the energy is different? The former is filled with anger and anger is contracted energy whereas the latter is expanded energy that is open?
It makes a difference. You can choose which type of energy you want in your life, contracted or expanded.
I hope you found these words useful and perhaps inspiring. I would love for you to follow me on Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn. I am Alanda Carter on all the socials.
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Massive amounts of love and tons of hugs, and remember, Change Starts Now, Alanda