Three Mocking Demons Inside You – And What Brings Them Out

When we are growing up – we learn to deal with the world around us from our parents, from our teachers, from other elders around us, from our experiences, and also from the stories that we hear, read, or see. Some of those ways are healthy and help us cope well with the requirements of life – but some are like mocking demons that make us anxious, fearful, angry, or subdued.

There are three mocking demons – at least – that haunt us in the childhood.

1. The Move Away Demon (Don’t trust strangers, Little Red Riding Hood, Punishment, Shaming etc.)
2. The Move Against Demon (Throw tantrums, Bully weaker children, Get away with mischief etc.)  
3. The Move Along Demon (Be the best student, Be an obedient child, Flatter teachers etc.)

Quite insidiously, these demons stay inside us even as we grow up. Thankfully, most of us learn to keep them under covers – well, most of the times.

Let’s learn more about how these three demons haunt us when we grow up.

The Move Away Demon tries to scare us away from people and challenges. It tells us the following script:

1.      Don’t trust anyone – People are out there to get you. Go away!

2.      Don’t do this – If you fail, which you would, others will criticize you, mock at you, make fun of you! Better leave it, don’t try at all!

3.      Nobody likes you – You’re better off alone – Don’t even try!

And, when you listen to this demon, it holds you back from doing anything new, getting into new relationships, participating in discussions, and so on…

The second demon – The Move Against Demon – tries to persuade us to overpower or dominate others, manipulate others, be at the center of everything, and break rules. This demon has the following script:

1.      You are made to rule others – Show them who’s the boss here!

2.      Rules are for the weak – Powerful people make rules that others follow!

3.      You are surrounded by stupid people without any brains – They better listen to you!

4.      You can do whatever you want - Nobody has guts to stop you!

When you listen to it, it makes you fight with others, stops you from accepting mistakes, keeps you arguing even when you are wrong, makes you dominate conversations and meetings, break rules and take unnecessary risks.

The third demon – The Move Along Demon – tries to subdue us, makes us comply to strict – sometime too rigid– discipline, stops us from doing things that might displease others. This demon recites this script:

1.      People around you are all powerful – If you keep them happy, you will be safe

2.      Don’t say a word against the authority – They know it all!

3.      If you don’t do it perfectly – You’re worthless

4.      There is a way to do everything, and you don’t know it!

It makes you play to the gallery, doesn’t let you take stand in a conflict – by generating the fear of displeasing others - and makes you rue and feel guilty over small mistakes.

Like I said earlier – we learn how to keep these demons under check under normal conditions. But, they do overpower our flimsy defense at times. Mostly, when we are not actively managing our image.

This happens at least under three situations:

1.      When we are under tremendous stress or pressure – our focus is on dealing with whatever is stressing us, not on managing ourselves. Tight timelines, stretched targets, horrible bosses, nagging team members can get the worst of these demons out of us.

2.      When we are multitasking – our attention is divided – we can’t focus on managing ourselves. The demons come out insidiously.

3.      When we are relaxed. Yes, even then the demons come out. With our family, with our junior staff, with our house-help, with people who can’t harm us in anyway. The demons come out.

What to do?

Be mindful, don’t multitask, take feedback, and get a coach!

It’s difficult – for sure – but, possible nevertheless.