Three mindset tips to be a more confident speaker

I can vividly recall one of my first public speaking experiences. I am at a Catholic boy’s school and have to read from the Bible during mass.

My fellow students pack the cathedral pews, shuffling in their grey uniforms. I climb up the steps to the lectern beside the altar.

One of my knees begins to vibrate. I focus on it, to make it stop, but this only makes it worse.

The knee inspires my hands and the page they hold shakes. I can’t do anything to end my body’s pulsations. I’m worried the other boys won’t be able to hear me over the paper’s crackling.

I shakily read my way through the text and quickly retreat to my seat, red-faced and tingly.

I had done nothing to get ready for that reading, and my nerves crashed upon me. Fortunately, though, I have since learned how to prepare to speak. This preparation has significantly improved my confidence.

When we dread public speaking, we often put off thinking about it. We may put some effort into scripting our words, but little else.

Having the right mindset is vital to being an engaging speaker. Spend a little time thinking about how you approach that dreaded speech. This will significantly improve your confidence, making you a better speaker at the same time.

Here are three things to consider before you face an audience again.

You’re not going to die

We don’t know exactly why we are so fearful of public speaking. One likely reason is that it recalls a primitive, tribal fear of rejection. Being exiled by our community, when sabretooth tigers and hostile tribes surrounded us, would have led to certain death.

Perhaps when we speak, we are worry about being judged and being found inadequate. We feel the audience is assessing whether to keep us in the tribe or condemn us to a lonely demise.

Remember, though; you are not going to die! You will live to present another day. This opportunity to speak is one of many, and it doesn’t have to be perfect.

The audience is not going to base their opinions of you on this one talk. Any stumbles you may make will be much more significant in your mind than in theirs.

You know your stuff (and they want to hear it)

You are speaking for a reason. You know something your audience doesn’t. Your presentation is a gift, something you are sharing with them.

The audience is not there to judge you. They want to hear what you have to share.

Turn your focus outwards, towards the audience, rather than the other way around. Think about them rather than what they think about you.

Don't think of your presentation as an event where the audience grants you their approval. Think of it as an opportunity to give them a gift. Because it is.

Every chance to speak is a chance to learn

Every speech you give is an opportunity, not a test. You will improve your communication skills in small steps, working on one or two things at a time. You do not need to get everything perfect every time.

After you speak, don’t dwell on what didn’t go so well. Pick one or two things to work on for next time. Then think about what you did well and resolve to repeat that success next time.

Consider every speaking event as a chance to improve. Remember, you are not going to die, and the audience is not going to condemn you based on one performance.

Every little lesson improves your communication skills and your confidence. 

Some practical ways to harness this mindset

My coaching clients have set this mindset to work in many different ways. Here are some of the things they have done to improve their confidence when speaking:

• Have a mantra. One client, before a speaking event, closed his eyes and took several deep breaths while repeating to himself: “I’m not going to die”. Other reminders you could turn into mantras are “I’m here for a reason”, “my speech is a gift” or “the audience wants to hear this”.
• Consider the audience first when you are deciding what you are going to say. What would they like to know, learn and feel? How can you craft your speech to be more of a gift?
• Think of the audience when you rehearse or just before your speech. Think outwards towards them. What do they look like? How are they feeling? Imagine them paying attention to you, nodding and smiling. This helps you direct your focus outwards and avoid dwelling on your anxiety.
• Begin your talk with a big smile. Scan the room and make eye contact with the people in front of you. This establishes a connection across which your words will travel.
• Reflect after you speak. Make sure you identify three things that went well and one thing to work on for next time. Write these things down then put them aside until you need to prepare for your next presentation.

We can all be more confident speakers

Being nervous before public speaking is a natural human reaction. Although we are irrationally dreading a worst-case outcome, the fear we feel is real to us.

There are some practical things we can do, though, to improve our mindset and reduce our nervousness. By reminding ourselves that the worst is not going to happen we can turn our focus outwards, towards the audience. We can make our speech a gift, rather than the test we fear it is.

We become better speakers in small, repeated steps. By focussing on these mindset tips and learning a little each time you talk, you will become a more confident and engaging speaker.