Three Lessons for Sales Professionals from a Former FBI Hostage Negotiator

Chris Voss is a former lead International Kidnapping Negotiator for the FBI. Prior to that role, he was the lead Crisis Negotiator for the New York City Division of the FBI. He has been negotiating high-stakes deals for more than two decades.

He’s been in front of some bad people.

Yet, for a person immersed in such adversarial circumstances, it is surprising to learn that he believes “negotiation is not an act of battle; it’s a process of discovery. The goal is to uncover as much information as possible.”

Chris’s strategies are a far cry from the hard-line tactics of law enforcement negotiators seen in the movies. In his book, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It, he discusses non-aggressive techniques like using the “late-night DJ” tone in your voice and harnessing “the power of deference.”

His approach reads like a guide to relationship building. Perhaps that is why his negotiation strategy has worked as well in business as it has in hostage scenarios. “Real good negotiation is real good emotional intelligence,” explains Chris.

Here, we look at three of the most critical concepts he discusses in his book and how sales professionals can use them in their negotiations with customers.

01. Use Tactical Empathy

Tactical empathy is the practice of imagining yourself in the other person’s situation.

To do this, you must understand how the other person feels. You must know where those feelings are coming from. Effective negotiators gain this understanding by focusing on their counterpart’s tone, words, and body language. This intensive focus on another person’s communication is called “active listening.”

Active listening is different than passive listening, which seeks only to hear without truly understanding. Several studies have shown that “participants who received active listening responses felt more understood than participants who received either advice or simple acknowledgements.”

By engaging in active listening, the negotiator can “label” the other person’s emotions. Chris explains that labeling satisfies the other person’s need to feel understood and accepted. In his book, he offers the phrase, “It sounds like trust is something that’s important to you,” as an example of labeling. Once a label is vocalized, the negotiator should pause and allow silence to encourage the other party to speak.  

Tactical empathy is more difficult than it sounds. Chris warns against taking shortcuts like simply saying, “I understand.” True empathy means proving that you understand by articulating what the other person is feeling. Tactical empathy doesn’t require you to agree with the other person. The goal is “to defuse a negative by labeling it,” according to Chris.   

How Sales Professionals Can Use Tactical Empathy:

• Consider every aspect of the customer’s communication, including words, tone, and body language.
• Engage in active listening by focusing on the customer’s words rather than waiting for an opportunity to speak.
•  When a customer vocalizes an objection, label the customer’s emotion and demonstrate that you understand their position and that they have been heard.

02. Ask Calibrated Questions

Chris instructs his clients to use calibrated questions. These questions always begin with “what” and “how.”

Chris explains that “What’s the biggest challenge you face?” is an example of a calibrated question. It is widely applicable and effective because it surfaces plenty of information. In fact, this question is so effective at unearthing valuable information that Chris suggests using it several times in the negotiation — though he warns not to use them consecutively. Variations, according to Chris, include “What are you up against here?” and “What causes the most frequent breakdowns?”     

Calibrated questions are similar to open-ended questions because they cannot be answered with a simple yes or no response that offers no substantial information.

These kinds of questions do more than reveal information. They also help the negotiator avoid the misstep of telling the other person what to think. With a calibrated question, the customer is encouraged to pursue a path leading to the conclusion you want them to find. As Chris explains, “Negotiation is the art of letting the other side have your way.”

Chris dismisses the notion that the person speaking is the one in control of the conversation. Instead, he explains, it is the person who is listening who is in control. They are in control because they are gathering and absorbing information. This information is critical to understanding what the other side values and what they don’t.

How Sales Professionals Can Use Calibrated Questions:

• Focus on using “how” and “what” questions that invite the customer to reveal the kind of information that’s valuable in gauging their emotional needs.
• Avoid any questions that can be answered with a yes or no response. These questions can appear as an attempt to lead the customer in a direction, and they offer no useful information.
• Break free of the notion that the person speaking is in control. Real control resides in the listener who is gathering information from the speaker.

03. Get to Implementation

“Yes is nothing without how,” explains Chris. “While an agreement is nice, a contract is better, and a signed check is best,” he continues.

To reach implementation, the sales professional must get the customer to articulate how they will execute the deal. Why is this important? “The customer is more likely to follow through knowing that the plan came from them,” explains Chris.

Too often, it is easy for the sales professional to fall into the trap of outlining the “how” of implementation themselves. This approach is understandable; the sales professional has worked hard to reach this point, and they want to be proactive in solidifying the deal. Doing so, however, removes the customer from the engagement. The key is to ask questions that will get the customer to describe their blueprint for making the agreement happen.

Once the customer has provided the “how” of implementation, the sales professional must summarize those answers. The sales professional will know that they have succeeded in gaining the customer’s full commitment when the customer hears these summaries and replies with, “That’s right.” This phrase is critical to success. When the customer uses tentative language like, “I’ll try,” they expect to fail.

In his book, Chris reminds readers that when someone puts these practices into effect, they must be sure they do so with all the stakeholders. This reminder will resonate with sales professionals today because more stakeholders are involved in the decision process than ever before. Without engaging all of the stakeholders, a sales professional might receive a “That’s right.” and mistakenly believe they have reached the finish line only to see everything fall through when an unknown stakeholder says no.

How Sales Professionals Can Get to Implementation:

• Ask the kinds of questions that will get the customer to articulate how implementation will unfold so that they have a sense of ownership of the process.
• Summarize what the customer says after asking these questions. Pause and allow them time to validate that what you have said is correct.
• Ensure that these strategies reach all of the stakeholders, otherwise a last-minute no could end the agreement.

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Learn more ways to protect the profitability of the sale by getting better at negotiating with Richardson’s latest eBook, The Three Skills Behind Effective Negotiations.

We discuss the science and strategy behind proven negotiation tactics that work.