Three Keys To Telling Personal Stories That Move Hearts And Minds

My father Francesco spent his teenage years in an internment camp during World War II. His family was among the 165,000 Italian expatriates living and working in East Africa when the war broke out. The old and the young were put on trains back to Italy. Men of fighting age were placed in prison camps. My father turned 16 when he was thrown behind the barbed wire. He didn’t taste freedom until five years later.

It’s been seven years since he passed away, but I still miss the stories of his escape attempts and his journey to America to build a better life. My dad wasn’t a professional storyteller, but he intuitively understood the difference between a story, a good story and a transformative one that changes hearts and minds. The three essential components of a compelling personal narrative are: inciting incident, personal transformation, life lesson.

Key No. 1: Inciting incident

In Hollywood movies the inciting incident (or “the catalyst”) happens near the end of act one when the hero’s world is turned upside down in the form of a challenge, a hurdle, a setback. Above all, it must involve struggle.

In this video, I explain why the human mind is wired to find stories of struggle irresistible. We crave stories of triumph over adversity because we need to hear them.

Personal stories are more likely to have a transformative impact on the listener if they come with a catalyst that involves struggle. For example, When Oprah Winfrey shared her life story at Stanford’s business school, the catalyst was getting fired as a television anchor. It set the stage for her act two where Oprah discovers her passion and purpose. For Starbucks founder Howard Schultz, the inciting incident in his personal story occurs when his dad gets hurt on the job. The family lived in a Brooklyn housing project at the time and struggled to make ends meet with no insurance, no workers comp, and no way to pay the bills. A story without struggle is ultimately unsatisfying and, as a result, less likely to result in change.

Key No. 2: Personal transformation

Screenwriters—who are often marvelous storytellers—tell me that it’s not the incident that makes a story great; it’s how the incident transforms the hero’s life that give stories their impact. The hero gets pummeled physically or mentally, but the experience transforms them. Rocky Balboa, Luke Skywalker, or Kate Winslet’s character in Titanic (Rose) all learn something about themselves and become better people as a result of the struggle.

Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg recently gave a widely acclaimed commencement speech at UC Berkeley where she shared her personal story of love, loss and transformation. First, the inciting incident: “One year and 13 days ago, I lost my husband, Dave. His death was sudden and unexpected,” she began. Following the tragedy, Sandberg’s life is transformed. She makes it clear that through the tears, she finds meaning in the struggle:

“Dave’s death changed me in very profound ways. I learned about the depths of sadness and the brutality of loss. But I also learned that when life sucks you under, you can kick against the bottom, break the surface, and breathe again. I learned that in the face of the void—or in the face of any challenge—you can choose joy and meaning.”

Professors Richard Tedeschi and Lawrence Calhoun are pioneers in the study of “post traumatic growth.” They say that the “transformative consequences” of human suffering are as old as civilization itself, which is why the theme of triumph over tragedy is an essential component of storytelling.

Key No. 3: Life lesson

The third key unlocks transformation, forcing the listener to take stock of their own life and change what they’ve come to believe. The storyteller must connect their own struggle, failure or hardship to the broader context of the listener’s world.

Sheryl Sandberg beautifully left Berkeley graduates with a life lesson when she concluded, “I’m sharing this with you in the hopes that today, as you take the next step in your life, you can learn the lessons that I only learned in death…Lessons about hope, strength, and the light within us that will not be extinguished.”

Humans are hardwired to share personal stories and to enjoy listening to them because we need to. Stories ignite our imagination and help us to make sense of the struggles we all face. Personal stories have the power to shape our lives and the lives of our listeners. Tell more of them.

Carmine Gallo is the bestselling author of The Storyteller's Secret and Talk Like TED. Receive weekly tips from Carmine go joining his email list at carminegallo.com.