Three Keys to 55 Years

We had a huge family milestone this week: my parents celebrated their 55th anniversary.

I remember when I was younger – sometime in my teen years – I had forgotten that day. My Mom gave me a hard time that I forgot, and being the dopey teenage boy that I was, I said, “But Mom – that’s between you and Dad – that doesn’t have anything to really do with us.”

After 16 years of marriage of my own, with every passing day, the idiocy of that statement is highlighted more prominently.

55 years is pretty mind-boggling. Period. I did my best to look up marriage statistics – specifically, how many marriages last that long – and I simply couldn’t find any. The closest I got was this stat: less than 5% last 50 years. So my spider-sense tells me that you could probably cut that number in half for 55 years.

What’s interesting to think about is the parallels between a marriage and a startup. At the beginning, there is passion, commitment, and vision. Over time, those qualities ebb and flow, and other ingredients are needed to endure and thrive.

The startup success statistics are equally daunting. According to Forbes, 75% survive their first year, and only half reach five years. Beyond year five, I discovered a number of statistics, and the most compelling were that at 15 years, only 25% survive, and overall, a mere 10%. This confirmed my analogy that there is quite the parallel between the two.

Which got me thinking…

I can’t speak for all marriages out there, but I do know my parents. What are the reasons why they are still happily married at year 55 – and are there any clues that can be gained for startups?

After a lot of thought and reflection this weekend, here’s my theory.

REASON 1: COMPLEMENTARY PARTS

I think one reason great marriages and great business endure the test of time is partnership. In my parents case, the “opposites attract” statement is right on target.

My Dad, Jerry Facciani, was a young, confident athlete who grew up in a coal-mining town in western Pennsylvania, and always had the belief he could succeed. He was a hard-worker, but not a preparer, who relied on his belief that he could figure things out; this led him to success on the field as a football and baseball field, and after college, he forged his path in business in the arena of banking and mortgage.

My Mom, Bebe Facciani, by contrast, was a driven, in-the-box thinker who was equally driven to succeed, but motivated by following the rules. This drive challenged her to be the first person to graduate college in her family, become an award-winning teacher, and an incredibly devoted mother who made sure all ducks were in a row.

Based on these drastic contrasts; you might wonder how they get along! As I have observed, my mother’s detail-oriented nature helps keep my Dad honest, and his ability to embrace life each day helps my mother relax and stay in the present.

In my time in business, I believe the same sum of complementary parts is required. A great leader may excel at creating a vision and inspiring with passion, while others in the company thrive on the process, organization, and execution of details that makes the engine run smoothly. With the right blend of complementary talent, businesses have the human capital to reach their goals; without out, lopsided companies are headed for failure.

REASON 2: SHARED VALUES

When I think about my Mom and Dad’s time together, it is impossible for me to envision their marriage without a very specific lens: family. I know that their marriage began before my brother or I were, as they say, a “twinkle in their eyes,” and there are countless hours they have shared for decades with just the two of them. But when I reflect on what brings them joy and purpose, it’s really simple: it comes down to family. Their inner circle includes our family and my brother's family, with six grandchildren ranging from 22 to 12; nothing provides my parents with more happiness and purpose than sharing in the moments, from major milestones such as graduations to the little ones such as a Monday family dinner or soccer game. Having this shared purpose provides a tremendous foundation that only grows with time.

When I think about great companies, it’s no different. The brands I respect that have the clearest mission are the ones that endure. Personally, I am blessed to work for a construction software company that has a core identity that is both clear and tangible: to be an outstanding partner for equipment operations. That may not mean much for those outside the business, but from new hires to veterans at our company, whether you work in sales, customer service, engineering, IT, or finance, everyone knows the mission. In my mind, it’s a major reason why in year eight we continue to grow – because we are rowing the boat in the same direction. ?

REASON 3: COMMITMENT

Let me be clear on this one: if you have met my Mom and Dad, you may agree that they have many wonderful qualities, including generosity, kindness, sense of humor, intelligence, and more - but you wouldn’t consider them to be patient individuals. That said, despite the natural ups and downs over a 55 year marriage, they have the resilience and grit to stay the course.

With the number of major transitions ?over 55 years - seven home moves, raising two kids, multiple career changes to name a few – each season came with its unique challenges. According to PsychCentral, lack of commitment is the number one reason marriages fail, with a staggering 73% of divorcees citing this as the top reason for their split. Through it all, my Mom and Dad have valued their commitment and dedication to each other rather than succumbing to all the obstacles that can make a marriage fail.

If you scour through the reasons why businesses fail, you won’t find commitment. Reasons such as cash flow, lack of product-market fit, and competition top the list. That makes sense to me, as those are easy to understand and measure. Commitment, on the other hand, is not a metric you can measure in the way you can assess cash flow, where the balance sheet can tell you if you have it or you don’t.

To me, commitment is one of those intangibles that are just so fundamental, and it is not a quality you find in a quarterly report. You see it in leaders who walk the walk, and are in the trenches with their people. You see it in a winning company culture where no one constantly needs to be told what to do; rather, each person is hungry to contribute at their highest individual level to move the company forward. You can feel it through the energy that hits you when you walk into a room of committed peers. Commitment alone doesn’t guarantee success; but I can guarantee that without commitment, a business will not last.

Mom and Dad – congratulations on this amazing milestone you hit last week! Speaking for the rest of the Facciani family: thank you for lighting the way for us to succeed in family, business, and life! May your next 55 years of marriage be as blessed as your first 55!