Three Habits For a Life of Freedom

Ever since I started showing up authentically on social media, people have appreciated me for the amount of freedom I seem to have in my life. They tell me it's inspiring - they want to live a similar life. Whenever I sit down with these people, they usually tell me the same thing. It's something along the lines of "if only I had made the same decisions you made at your age" and "if only I had your courage". Excuses. Often, I bluntly tell them that this is b*llsh*t and this leads to either one of the following: they don't ever talk to me again, or they hire me as their coach.

In this article, I'm sharing the three habits I am mastering to live a life of constant freedom - a life that feels like a never-ending vacation. These habits aren't a once you implement them you're set for life type of thing. I am still in the process of mastering these habits and this process will, as long as I hold the same values, never end.

1. Be Honest to Yourself

Most people say they want something, but actually they're lying. We're master people pleasers! Let me give you an example:

I was sitting down with a client who told me she really wanted to travel in the same way as I do. I told her:

"Okey, go do it."

"No, I can't." she said. "I have obligations here at home - my work, my kids, my parents that need care.."

"So you don't want to travel." I interrupted.

"No, I do. I just can't."

"If you really wanted to travel, you could. You're powerful enough to find a way to make it happen. You're just telling me you want to travel because you want me to like you. You want others to like you because you have dreams. You're willing to change your values so other people perceive you as more like-able because you appear to share the same values. Let me tell you something, you're perfectly like-able just the way you are. You have a home, you have children, and you have parents who care about you."

As I was saying this, I saw the confusion on her face, but I also read the look in her eyes. She was touched by what I had said. It was as if a weight was falling off of her shoulders - she could finally let go of her appearance and be herself, with her own dreams and own values.

"You're right.." she stumbled.

Most of our freedom does not come from traveling or any other external factor. This feeling of freedom comes from accepting yourself for who you are, and this starts with a level of honesty towards yourself. What are your values? Who are you? And who do you want to be? Regardless of what everyone around you wants you to value, be, or want. The more authentic and honest you get to be towards yourself, the more free you will feel.

So let me ask you the following, what dream are you currently pursuing that is not yours? What is it you say that you want, when if fact, you don't - you're just saying you want it for the sake of wanting it?

2. Take Action

It's one thing to be honest to yourself about what it is that you want. It's a second thing to take the required action as a result of this clarity. We're masters of limitation. We love our fears because they hold us back - they provide us with safety and comfort. It is because of our fears that we get to allow ourselves to get away with a lack of expansion and progression. We get to say "I can't take action because..." and we LOVE IT. We love our limitations. There is a two step process that can help you move past your limitations and take action with confidence and clarity:

1. Own your limitations.

Awareness is everything. Ask yourself why it is more safe to stay where you are, rather than move forward. Ponder upon what it is that you are afraid of. What do you believe to be true about your reality that makes it safer for you to not take action?

2. Statements exercise.

This is a practice I learned from Sam R. . It goes as follows: say to yourself "I am willing to admit that I enjoy the feeling of {insert limitation}." This will probably bring up some resistance - you might start laughing, yawning, feeling an itch, or distracting yourself in some way. That's great, it means you're shifting. Admitting to yourself that you are afraid and that you hold 'limiting' beliefs about your reality is a great way to feel more peaceful and confident - it's about self acceptance. This will help you to take action. If you want more information about this statements exercise, I highly recommend Sam's book that she wrote together with Andra Pickens called 'Quantum Networking'.

When you've completed the two step process, it is time to take action. Literally go out into the world and do something. Something. It honestly does not matter what it is, as long as you do it with the intention to get yourself closer to that which you want. It's important to get yourself moving so you find your flow.

3. Search for Boundaries

Someone very dear to me taught me a saying I will never forget, and it goes as follows:

"If it's not allowed, they'll tell you."

I remember one of the first times where I heard the sentence. We were sitting at the breakfast table of a hotel in Singapore, enjoying our all-inclusive buffet. We had planned to go for a hike that day. As a joke, I said that we might as well take some extra food from the buffet so we will have something to eat during the hike.

"Do you think that's allowed?" I asked.

"If it's not allowed, they'll tell you." she replied.

At that moment, I thought of the saying as a joke. I thought it was funny because "you can't just walk away with napkins filled with food from a buffet". Turns out you can. It was only later on that I realised how much freedom this saying has given me.

The mindset is all about the confidence to look for other people's boundaries. Are you limiting yourself because you think and assume that other people will expect something from you? Are you limiting yourself because you think and assume that other people will judge you?

Allowing yourself to express whatever you want, in whatever way you want, knowing that if people have a problem with this, it is THEIR responsibility to tell you, creates an enormous feeling of freedom. Yes, there are probably people out there who dislike me, but as long as they don't address their boundary to me and do something about it, it's not my 'problem'.

By being honest with yourself, taking action without falling for your own excuses, and un-limiting yourself by daring to step on people's boundaries, you will be able to create a life of constant freedom. Remember, freedom doesn't come from traveling to a bunch of exotic places and posting stories of your virgin-margarita on LinkedIn. Freedom is a feeling that comes from within, when you're truly allowing yourself to express everything that you are.

Thank you for reading the whole article. I hope it resonates with you. If it does, feel free to share it with someone who you think would benefit from it.

As a gift for making it all the way to the end, I'd like to offer you a FREE coaching conversation worth $200. This week, I have 3 slots available for pro-bono clients so be sure to send me a direct message. As a result of the conversation, you'll walk away with more clarity and confidence on which action steps to take towards living your life of freedom.