Thoughts

A few days ago, I came across an article shared by the Harvard Business Review about how how to stop worrying about what other people think of you. It’s a very good essay and I recommend reading it when you have the chance: https://hbr.org/2019/05/how-to-stop-worrying-about-what-other-people-think-of-you

It made me think. I do not really care all that much about what other people think about me. Nobody could ever think or say anything worse about myself than I already do. I’m perfectly capable and ruthlessly efficient at being self critical. My inner critic can be harsh and relentless. I talk a lot about self compassion with my clients but I’m not always great at showing myself grace and kindness. Sometimes I feel that I should take my own advice and try to do better- I am, as we all are, a work in progress.

My inner imposter really came out this last week. I went to a meeting with some formidable people sat around the table. As we were going around introducing ourselves my inner voice was just screaming: “OMG what are you doing here? This is the grown up table. Go back to the kids table.”? And when it was my turn, I just about managed to say my name and a sentence about my role. I stuttered and my English was not Englishing properly. It truly was not my finest moment.

My inner voice started again: “You are so embarrassing- what is wrong with you?”

I’m not going to dissect this now, it does not take a genius shrink to work out where that comes from and why. I found myself at the precipice of freaking out and panicking. As my inner critic was trying to calculate the best escape route, I decided to take a deep breath and said to myself: “I am not going do a runner. I’m going to chill out. I’m going to be fine. I know my stuff. I talk about it all the time and I can talk about it here too. I am smart and I can think quickly. I will be fine. And if not, then hey ho, I’m a human being…”

And it helped. I calmed down. The event was great. I was not at my most eloquent but that’s fine. I met some very interesting people and I’m looking forward to continuing engaging in the discussion.

For me this was not about what the others might think of me, that thought didn’t even cross my mind then. It was my own insanely unattainable perfectionist expectations of myself that did it and that had reared their head.

Again, we are not going to explore that here, my mum follows me on LinkedIn after all, but it has given me a renewed impetus to be better to myself, to show myself more compassion and kindness.

We need to stop sometimes and give ourselves credit and understand that confidence is not necessarily a natural instinct, and like anything takes practice. A bit of self-care and a bit of self-love goes a long way to building confidence, and perhaps over time that inner voice that whispers the self doubts at the worst possible moment, becomes a lot quieter. Who knows, perhaps that voice will become your cheerleader and not your fear-leader.

#mentalhealth #selfcompassion #selfconfidence #workplace