Thoughts on Life & Work: Self-Control

Well, for those of you who have “hung in there” for the entire series, thank you. This is the last in a 9-part collection of posts based on characteristics penned by the ancient Saint Paul, a 1st century contemporary of Jesus. The list ends with the phrase “against such things there is no law,” and, as I’ve written in these articles, I’ve come to believe that these traits serve us well not only in our personal lives, but also at work. I’ve already written about the first eight items on the list: Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, and Gentleness. (If you missed any of them, feel free to get caught up before you read this one – they’re short.) The final concept is Self-Control, which is something you might expect to hear in a workplace setting, unlike some of the prior words I’ve covered. However, given the backdrop of Mental Health Awareness Month in May, I’ve reflected a bit on how the idea of controlling ourselves at work might be even more meaningful now than it was before the pandemic.

It's been well-documented that we’ve encountered many difficulties as a culture these past few years. To be fair, if we were to compare our circumstances to those faced by people through much of human history, we would be hard-pressed to consider ourselves in dire hardship. Most of you who are reading this have shelter, enough to eat, and don’t live in any sort of mortal danger day-to-day. But to also be fair, people have always based their sense of well-being against a set of expectations in their current context, not necessarily against the backdrop of prior centuries or less-developed economies. Against those expectations, many people have come to feel genuinely discouraged or, at times, even anxious and/or depressed by the circumstances of the last few years. And, as we have increasingly seen, some of them have lost control of themselves, resorting to rash or even violent actions.

So, what does this have to do with self-control at work? I think it leads to a few observations.??

First, all of us have become more accustomed to “checking in” with our subordinates, managers, and colleagues on endless Zoom calls. Why? Because we’re all hoping to notice when someone is not just a little “off” but is genuinely struggling, so that we can reach out to encourage them or, if necessary, recommend they get further assistance. We’ve become more aware that when someone is in a “bad place,” they lose their normal ability to regulate their emotions, which sometimes leads to words or actions they regret. In a good way, we’ve developed better peer networks for helping each other stay healthy and regulated, given the difficulties we’ve faced. In other words, we’ve learned that self-control can be enabled and encouraged in the context of healthy relationships.

Second, as someone who has managed people and teams for multiple decades now and observed many other good (and bad) examples of leadership, I’ve learned that I'm unlikely to manage others well when I’m not managing myself well. In that context, self-control is less about ensuring we don’t “lose it” at work but rather about the critically-important, surprisingly complex task of ensuring we manage ourselves well. Culture has become very attuned to this. From advice about getting adequate sleep to daily mindfulness, from intermittent fasting to journaling, there is a never-ending supply of “hacks” to help us stay healthy, focused, and productive, especially at work.

My view of these latest developments is that if you’re unwilling to define and commit to healthy life habits then a “hack” probably won’t cut it, at least not for very long. Self-control doesn’t have to imply rigid discipline (folks who know me probably wouldn’t use that phrase to describe me!), but it does mean a willingness to be reflective, authentic, and committed to a “growth mindset.” In fact, an uncomfortable truth associated with self-control is that it often means we have to say “no” to things that aren’t necessarily bad, but probably aren’t best. Then, we can say “yes” to things that help us grow and succeed on our life journeys and still retain the capacity to lift others around us on their journeys.

So, I hope we’ll all strive for greater self-control (or self-management) in our lives, so we can help our colleagues (and family, friends, and neighbors) manage their lives better. And, when someone is struggling with mental health challenges, let’s ensure they get the proper support and help to work through them. Ultimately, our focus on improving our self-control and assisting others to improve theirs will lead to a better workplace and world.

?I’ll close out this article and the entire series with a well-known quote from Archbishop Desmond Tutu, which captures the essence of these essential nine traits: “My humanity is bound up in yours, for we can only be human together.”