Thoughts On Being An Imperfect Leader

Earlier this month, I announced my retirement from the business that I founded in 2003. At such a point, most people are polite and gracious, but I’m hoping it will help both others and myself if I can use this occasion to be brutally frank.

On the positive side, this is a great business decision. For two years now, Nicole Stella—the smartest person I know—has been serving as CEO and has assembled an incredibly capable team. She has taken my ideas and disorganized strategy and shaped it into a technology led business that enables $2.2 billion of promotional product sales a year and helps over 2,000 members and 10,000 people to work together and succeed.

For some time, I planned for this day. The horrendous issues caused by COVID-19 had no impact on my decision, although they add a greater weight to all of the team members who need to work harder and smarter than ever could, and I feel guilty for that.

So why, with the best possible team, did I step away from what was going to be a fairly comfortable ride?

For me, “the day the music died” was 21st October 2016, with the untimely passing of Graham Bennington, the former CEO of BemroseBooth and my truly great friend and mentor.

Graham had guided me in business for so long; he kept me balanced when I wobbled and focused when I had trouble being that way. I never recovered from his passing, and was never the same again. By far, my smartest move since then was to beg our CEO to join us.

I have told Nicole many times that—apart from the great company she has created—she also saved my life. She has set me free to address personal issues I should have addressed long ago.

Over many years, I have neglected my own mental health in service to innovation and the pursuit of business growth. You can see my folly in this simple image:

For many years, I chased Premier/Titanium/Elite lifetime status with airlines and hotels, not realising this sort of recognition is often the mark of someone who has foolishly risked their mental health and the sanity of their loved ones. My mistake was thinking that if I worked just a little bit harder every day, I would feel better about how the day before went.

Perhaps I would have seen reality sooner if someone gave me an award for going to bed for a record number of nights anxious about failure. Perhaps if we had a Queens Award for stress, more of us perpetually-stressed people would actually do something about it?

In truth, my head remains a bit foggy, largely because I haven’t yet done enough to restore my health and bring some semblance of balance back to my life.

I love to fly helicopters, and am looking forward to being in the air simply for the sheer pleasure of flying. My business days are broadly behind me.

When my head clears, my intention is to help others learn from my experiences and steer their lives towards healthier decisions. That is, in great measure, why I am sharing this post.

Martin