Thoughts On The Aftermath To My Sunday Posts on Facebook

(Note: In response to President Trump's car ride from his Walter Reed Hospital bed, I posted my shock and disappointment over such a choice. In response, my Facebook wall literally blew up with hundreds of comments and shares. This post, which I put on Facebook today, is in response to the outpouring that ensued).

On June 8, 1972, three massive tornadoes hit the City of Tulsa where my family had just been transferred for my Dad's job. The destruction came swiftly and yet, at the same time, surprised everyone. A Native American legend said that Tulsa was a protected city and that tornadoes would always go around it. Until that day, they had, lulling everyone into a sense of false (perhaps even smug) security. Many of our family's friends lost everything that night, less than a half mile from our home. It was scary, dark, unpredictable. Yet when the next day dawned, the sun was shining brightly, the sky was a brilliant cloudless turquoise, the devastation was brutally visible - and the rebuilding began.

I feel like I did on June 9th all over again.

I never could have imagined that so many people would respond so vehemently – on both sides - to my post. In both public and private messages, I was personally attacked and my character was called into question, as was the work that I have committed nearly two decades of my life. I was accused of being hateful; stirring up the pot; vilified for living in Europe; (oddly) accused of taking the same tax breaks as the President, and asked to produce my income tax returns because I was somehow being hypocritical, even though there was not a single mention of the President's tax returns on this post; and of being a smooth talker, slick writer, abusing my public position, and worse. I had people publicly and privately tell me they were un-friending me, un-following me, were disappointed that I had drifted away from being spiritual, and more. On the other hand, I was publicly and privately praised for being courageous, eloquent, speaking my truth, being an inspiration, taking a stand, and many more supportive and encouraging sentiments. My posts were shared and re-shared several hundred times. All in response to the same post. Same words. Polar opposite response. Like the internet debate whether an online photo was of a black/blue dress or white/gold dress, but far more personal.

Before I move onto what I think can be learned from all of this, I want to be clear that I do not condone the name-calling which sadly occurred here, and which was not limited to one side or the other. There were too many times that the "conversation" here devolved into disrespectful discourse, and I was sorry to witness it. For anyone at the receiving end of such comments, my sincere apologies. It should not be necessary to cast personal aspersions on people who think differently in order to prove a point or take a stance.

Which leads us to today. I believe spiritually that every circumstance is a lesson, an opportunity for growth, regardless of what led to that circumstance. So what can be learned from the remarks on my posts? I first searched what people shared for commonalities - and it was easy to find them. The bottom line yielded two glaring results: People are angry and people are scared. Whether you support the President or you don’t, it makes no difference. The view that the world is out of control, that your way of life is threatened, literally hanging in the balance based on who wins on November 3rd, is a view that is held by everyone. Everyone. And at the end of the day, regardless of how we got here (please, no comments on that), this is where we are. Our nation is hurting. EVERYONE is hurting. People are sick. People are dying. People are overwhelmed. People. Not Republicans. Not Democrats. PEOPLE. WE the PEOPLE. And that recognition, that in this circumstance of chaos everyone is equally impacted, equally suffering, is the starting point of understanding and moving forward.

America has a soul, too. It is a living entity comprised of more than three hundred million separate particles that are all part of the same whole. Seen from this perspective, the mind-body-spirit soul of the country is in peril. Specifically, the mind of the US – societally, there is unrest in communities over differences in politics, race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, gender identity, economic disparity, and educational accessibility. Its body - the countryside is being ravaged by fire, hurricanes, droughts, and floods. Spiritually – there is fear, anger, despair, and hopelessness. Both sides use labels against one another. If you are conservative, you are proud to be a conservative, and you assign the term “liberal” to the “other” side as an invective. Conservatives are right. Conservatives are good. Liberals are bad. Liberals are scary. Liberals will destroy your way of life. NOW – read those same sentences again. This time, switch the labels: If you are liberal, you are proud to be a liberal and you assign the term “conservative” to the “other” side as an invective. Liberals are right. Liberals are good. Conservatives are bad. Conservatives are scary. Conservatives will destroy your way of life.

 Why does it have to be so one-sided or the other? Why is there so little tolerance for the right of every person to hold to his or her conscience, and to express those views, without having those views be a litmus test of that person’s character? Not one of us is one-dimensional. And the breadth of daily experience in America is the widest possible yardstick. Is it any wonder that so many think so differently, cast in that light? Should it not be possible to hold an opinion and respect the right of another to hold a differing opinion, without the need to agree with the differing opinion?

 Think about it. On the face of it, a rancher in Oklahoma has nothing to do with a gay interior decorator in New York City. A Southern Baptist in Georgia does not seem to have any connection with a Muslim in Minnesota. A White person in rural Pennsylvania has nothing in common with a Black person in inner city Detroit. But this is not true, it is an illusion, rooted in the seemingly safety of the sameness of others, coupled with the feeling of being threatened by the differences. And that proves my point – for those same illusions are shared by everyone; it’s all in the perspective from where you, yourself, stand.

Every person is a thread in the fabric of our nation. No tapestry is made up of identical strands. The beauty in any tapestry is the variety and interweaving of each thread. But when one thread is not connected to the whole, the entire tapestry begins to unravel. If it continues, the tapestry is destroyed.

 Does anyone want that? No – another commonality, ironically. What other commonalities are there? I go back to a conversation I had on a transatlantic flight some years ago with a young woman sitting beside me who was one of the wisest people I’ve ever met. She was from Bosnia, and appeared to be sad and timid. I don’t recall how we began talking, but after initially being hesitant to converse, she suddenly shared her thoughts on why her heart was so heavy. We had met shortly after the war between Bosnia-Herzegovina and Croatia had come to an end; she was Bosnian by birth. Her eyes filled with tears as she told her story, and I remember every word she said:

“In my village, all of the men went to war, and all of them died – my father, all of my uncles, all of my brothers. They fought to the death for what they believed. In a nearby town in Croatia, the fathers, uncles, brothers, and sons of women there also all died for what they believed. And now, all of the women live side-by-side. We live together without our men, in peace and in pain, because all of us lost those who meant everything to us – for what? At the end of the day, we now realize that we all wanted the same thing, as all people do – to love and be loved, to be safe, and to live our lives happily with our families. This is the ultimate lesson of our war.”

Bosnia-Herzegovina, Croatia, the Northeast, Deep South, Midwest, or West Coast of America – the commonality of what we all want, as so eloquently spoken by the young girl on the plane, is clear. As there is a broad difference of opinion on how to accomplish those things in America, then speaking up and expressing views is not the threat. Being passionate about your opinions is not the threat. To the contrary, it is necessary in a functioning democracy. But what is damaging and unnecessary is to lose sight of the basic truth that no one has the right to personally disparage others for thinking differently. The right each person has to hold his or her opinion is equal, with the caveat that respect for others must always be the fundamental block on which such opinions rest.

 Agree to disagree. You do not have to be silent. You do not need to understand the views of those who hold political beliefs that are different than yours, nor you their views. But in order to move forward after November 3rd, what is incumbent upon all of us is to actively seek commonalities and to build on them.

To me, the commonalities start with what the young girl said on the plane: To love and be loved, to be safe, and to live your lives happily with your families. I choose to believe it is possible to accomplish these things through the mechanisms of love, tolerance, acceptance, non-judgment, understanding and empathy for others, and most importantly, replacing the fear and anger of the differences with the love and light of the commonalities.

 Sending love and healing prayers to all. I hope you share this post as enthusiastically as you shared the others.