Thoughtful Responses

When someone says “Thank You” to you, how do you respond? Thank you is one of those expressions which necessitates a response according to the “rules” of perceived good manners. Having recently been on a perceived platitude diet, meaning that I have become extra vigilant at noticing the words I speak, I began observing how inarticulate my response to “Thank You” had become. I further noticed that the common platitudes I was using had become so automated in all communications, that they no longer carried the merit of the true intent I was wishing to convey.

The common go-to responses to Thank You:

You’re welcome. No problem. And Ok. These had become my typical responses whenever someone expressed thanks toward me. This got me thinking. What does “You’re welcome,” or “No problem,” or, “Ok” really convey? Was I thinking at all when I expressed these responses or were they automatic regurgitations?

What I soon learned was that the responses were on autopilot and that the words did not match the intent behind my responses.

Let’s start with “You’re welcome.” When I think about these words, I think about my 11-year-old daughter jokingly saying, “Mom, I really like the new sweatshirt you bought for yourself, and it fits me perfectly so I moved it into my closet. YOU’RE WELCOME!” As I began researching the words “You’re welcome,” I found several articles about how this phrase has become a well-known sarcastic statement or punch line used when one is expressing how helpful they have been (or not been) to someone else. CLICK HERE for a NY Times article about this phenomenon. Now, please do not feel that when someone says, “You’re welcome,” that they are gloating or being sarcastic, as many people say these words with good intent. However, how many people are like me, using, “You’re welcome”, simply out of habit, with little thought put into the response? When someone offers a genuine “Thank You”, shouldn’t we be so courteous as to offer a response that is genuine, un-programmed, and real. Shouldn’t this be the type of situation where we shut off our verbal autoresponder, and tell the thanker how we really feel about the contribution they feel we have made?

Then I examined my second go-to response, “No problem.” I began to realize that by responding to someone, “No problem,” it’s as if I was saying that the request, or whatever elicited the “Thank You”, was a problem. One could interpret “No problem” as an acknowledgment that it really is a problem. Again, this is not to say that people really think that you are telling them they are a problem, but subliminally, it is totally possible that the thanker’s subconscious mind interprets it just that way.

Lastly, “Ok” as a response to “Thank You,” is thoughtless when you get right down it. It’s hard to imagine a way in which this could be perceived as positive. If you dissect this response logically, it can easily be interpreted as, “Yes, you should thank me,” which is probably not the message you are intending to convey.

Here’s the bottom line:

When someone says, “Thank You,” there is an expectation of a response.

It’s just as easy to offer a heartfelt and genuine, “It’s my pleasure,” as it is to auto-respond, “You’re welcome.”

It’s just as easy to offer a warm, “I’m happy to help,” as it is to spit out, “No problem.”

For me “You’re welcome,” and “No problem” had inadvertently become hollow crutches I had been leaning on for a very long time.

“It’s my pleasure,” or “I’m happy to help,” have become a new more thoughtful paradigm where I express my genuine sentiment.