Thought Space - "Why new year's resolutions often fail!"

Introducing “Thought Space”, our blog providing regular thought provoking insights from the world of leadership & team development.

Yes, it is that time of the year again! Another new year starts and with it we want to do things differently than in 2022. Delegate more, give better feedback, waste less time to be more effective etc. We make a whole list of things to improve and by early January we are ready to become that better version of ourselves.

Latest by mid-February though, we have given up on most of our ambitious goals. We feel frustrated, a failure and hopeless. Reality, the daily routine and our bad old habits have caught up with us.

Here is what we learned in 2022 on why most new year’s resolutions are doomed to fail:

1.????The goals stay vague and are formulated negatively. Our brain needs positivity and actually has a hard time accepting negative formulations, e.g. I want to do less myself; I don’t want to be overruled in discussions anymore etc.

2.????We do not really challenge our motivation. Are we putting things on our change list because we want to please others? Or is there some deeper, intrinsic motivation at play? How badly do we really want this change? And why?

3.????Either there are no concrete actions at all attached to the goal, or they are too high-level and not actionable enough? How exactly do we want to be more e.g. effective & efficient? What are concrete, very specific steps to delegate more?

4.????We underestimate the effort and energy it takes to change our current habits. These are automatic behaviour patterns that are encoded since years or even decades in our brain and our body. Changing behavior is hard work. Period!

5.????We do not develop a structured plan with initial deadlines for working on the desired behaviour change. And even if we see first successes, we do not have a vision on how to sustain the change in the long run. Afterall, the new habit should be there to stay! And so, it is easy for us to …, well escape from a too harsh control and evaluation of our efforts.

A very useful and affective approach we apply ourselves is the concept of “The Ladder” by Ben Tiggelaar.

Here is how you can use it:

Firstly, establish a goal that is concrete and positively formulated. E.g. By the end of Q1/2023 I will be able to better connect with others by giving more space to them in conversations. I will achieve this by inserting more silence into my communication.

Secondly, check your motivation. What are the benefits? E.g. The less I talk, the more I learn. Others feel more appreciated. What is the pain you will feel if you don’t reach this goal? E.g. Others get tired of me when I talk too much. I will not succeed to keep the audience of a presentation engaged.

Thirdly, establish specific behaviors to be adopted. E.g. I will ask only short & open questions and wait at least 5 seconds before I say anything else. E.g. Before I interact with someone, I reflect upon what I want to learn from this person in this specific interaction.

The more concrete and actionable, the better.

Finally, think about some support triggers that will help you staying honest with yourself and that remind you of your plan when old habits start to creep in again. E.g. I share my plan & actions with a friend, a colleague, my boss, my spouse and regularly ask them to give me feedback on my progress (social support triggers). I read books and articles on the subject, create visual reminders on post-its, in my outlook calendar etc. (material support triggers). Finally, plan time during the week to reflect on your progress.

We suggest to allow for an initial period of 3 months to achieve a more comprehensive progress. Then, sustain the behavior change with period reviews, say every 2 months or so. The more you celebrate even smaller successes, the faster the new habit will become an automatism.

In summary, four simple and effective steps to significantly increase your chances of achieving lasting behavior change in 2023.

At JUMP, we believe in a healthy approach to supporting your personal & professional growth. We are ready to co-create your growth ladder with you. Are you ready to JUMP?