For Those Feeling Left Behind in Life

You’re 14 and have never had a girlfriend or boyfriend, while some of your mates are already going on dates. You feel left behind. At 16, some of your peers have already launched successful businesses, and you start feeling like you’re wasting your potential. By 18, you see your friends who’ve been hitting the gym for years, looking fit and getting attention from the opposite sex. You have none of that and feel like you’ve fallen behind in life.

Dear friend,

Thank you for joining me on this journey of growth that I started last month. This newsletter is one of the ways I’m trying to give back to the world, and I hope you find it helpful and at least somewhat interesting. Today, I want to talk about something I struggle with myself—F.O.M.O., or the fear of missing out. It’s that feeling of anxiety or worry that others are achieving or experiencing things you’re not, and it’s mostly driven by comparison. So, let’s start with that!

Comparing ourselves to others is a fast track to frustration. Each of us is unique, which makes it impossible to achieve identical results. Similar, perhaps, but then the paths we take will differ. Two people won’t have the same workout routine because their genetics, strength, and values vary. Personal development is not one-size-fits-all.

There’s another issue: concepts like attractiveness, intelligence, success, and charisma are highly subjective. Who can definitively define beauty? Since everyone’s perception of attractiveness is shaped by various factors, a universal definition is impossible. A definition is a generally accepted explanation, but when it comes to relative concepts, agreement simply can’t be reached. And that's perfectly fine!

Everyone has their own timeline

Repeat that until you fully grasp it! Since we are all different, we cannot expect the same things to happen to everyone at the same time. While it might be uncommon not to have had a boyfriend or girlfriend by the age of 25, it’s certainly not abnormal. The Universe (I call it God) tends to move us forward when it feels we’re ready for the challenges ahead. Trust me, you don’t want to rush your growth—it’s like trying to drive a car before getting a license. I know how hard it is not to feel left behind when the people around you achieve things you desire before you do. It’s like watching your childhood friend get a bike before you. But what if, in adulthood, that “bike” is a long-awaited promotion at your job? Or getting married?

Countless thoughts start rushing through your mind and soul. You feel betrayed by the world, and ignored. You feel misunderstood. Naturally, you try to blend in, seeking acceptance by imitating what works for others. This leads you down a spiral—buying new clothes, changing your musical preferences, values, and even your way of being. This not only kills your finances but also your soul. Soon enough, you wake up and don’t even recognise yourself in the mirror anymore. That’s when the true depression begins.

Your new shoes won't change anything

At least mine didn't! Ok, that's a bit of a stretch. While buying things just to impress those around you is not a good idea, it may have one advantage and one advantage only - giving you more confidence to be yourself and act according to your values. The mindset shift has to come from within, otherwise it will not work.

"Your need for acceptance can make you invisible in this world." — Jim Carrey

Nothing is more important than staying true to yourself. This is something I remind myself of every morning. The people everyone admires and wants to be around are valued precisely because they are authentic. The last thing you want is to be a cheap imitation. You are an original, and that’s what makes you special. Embrace your uniqueness, and let the world appreciate you for who you truly are.

Perfection doesn't exist for us

At least absolute perfection. We can’t achieve it, and that’s okay. Instead, we should focus on relative performance—our own idea of what “perfect” means to us. A job that others see as perfect might leave you feeling unfulfilled. How can that be, when it’s supposedly the best out there? Well, it's your personal vision that really matters when defining perfection. If something is perfect for everyone, it becomes so broad that it loses meaning for you. That's why you should stop living according to others’ ideals of perfection. Take the time to figure out your beliefs, what you enjoy, and what you stand for—what makes you unique. And stay true to that, no matter what.

Everyone has a desire to be accepted. The problem is when we seek acceptance for something we’re not—when we change ourselves fundamentally trying to fit into a mould we believe represents the general idea of perfection. There’s nothing wrong with wanting acceptance from others, but we must ensure that we don’t create a false persona, for that is when our mental health will start to decline. Remember that you are loved and that your uniqueness makes you human. And you’re not late to life; you’re simply on a different path than others. We all are!

Thank you for reading! Feel free to share your thoughts about this in the comments!