Those Deadly “UMs”

Have you ever been in a conversation with someone and between every word (or what seems like every word) there is an?“um”?or?“You know what I’m saying?”?or?“You understand what I’m saying?”

These are called fillers and they are used to give your brain a chance to catch up with your mouth as we are usually quick to speak without pausing to give thought about what we are saying or what we would like to say. Think about when the dreaded?“um”?is usually heard. I’ll bet what came to your mind was when you ask someone a question and he/she is responding to you or when he/she is speaking and expressing his/her thoughts. The?“um”?is usually in between the various thoughts that are coming out of his/her mouth. The same holds true for?“ You know,”?etc. etc.

The issue with fillers is that they distract and take away from the speaker’s message. The listener actually begins to focus more on the fillers than the message. In many instances what the speaker is attempting to convey is partially or entirely missed because the listener has now begun paying attention to when the next?“um”?or?“you know”?is going to happen. Usually fillers are timed or have a cadence/rhythm. One can almost count the seconds as to when the next filler is going to be uttered. The listener actually starts unconsciously playing a game inside his/her head anticipating the next filler. While this is happening the message is being missed or it is being partially processed because part of the processing is being devoted to keeping up with the fillers. As a speaker, the objective is to have your message heard and understood by the listener and you do not want anything taking away from it.

When I was member of?Toastmasters International?and giving a speech, there would be a metal coffee can held by one of the members (the dreaded coffee can keeper) who had a box of three inch nails and each time I or any speaker presenting at that meeting would say?“um”?during?a speech, one of the large nails would hit the metal coffee can making a loud sound letting everyone in the room know that a filler had been inserted in the speech. Believe me, the thought of this occurring along with practice and being conscious of fillers broke me out of that habit rather quickly.

I have taught Public Speaking, Communications, English Language Arts and Radio News courses for?Fairleigh Dickinson University,?Passaic County Community College?and?William Paterson University?and the use of fillers when speaking is always a part of my curriculum. Students are usually unaware of the concept of fillers until it is brought to their attention in class. I actually assign them the task of consciously paying attention to speakers on television, athletes being interviewed after a game, and to people they are speaking with in their circles, families, etc. Without fail in every class that I have taught regardless of the university or college, students come to me and say, “Professor Medley, I hate you.” Now, they say that in jest, and when I ask why? the response is always, “I cannot talk with anyone now without noticing the fillers and it’s driving me crazy. It’s like my antennae has been raised.”

It makes such a difference to listen to someone who is virtually filler free compared with someone who inserts a filler after every sentence. To become virtually filler free, one must practice and make a conscious choice to reduce the number of fillers he/she inserts. While it is not something to beat yourself up about if you slip an?“um”?in here or there, however, it does behoove one to intentionally work on it especially when it is brought to your attention.

Public Speaking is now a required course for most colleges and universities because employers are seeking employees who can represent their companies and products by speaking in a professional manner. As a principal, professor and radio talk show host, I am always very cognizant of speaking as filler free as possible. I record podcasts and radio programs with a minimum of fillers. This takes practice, awareness and intentionality.

So if you want to try the same experiment that I assign my students, the next time you are speaking with someone, take note of how many times he/she inserts some sort of filler into their conversation with you. I am willing to bet that when you see me or respond to this article you will be hating me too as your antennae will most certainly be raised and the fillers will be driving you crazy.