‘Those’ conversations
Dr Lizzy Bernthal
Supporting Business & Directors to Be Bulletproof Leaders | 25-Years Army to Lt Col | Transforming Boardroom Dynamics with Resilience Confidence & Authenticity - no body armour required!
Are you avoiding challenging conversations?
I used to dread such conversations……
Feeling the need to gather my strength and courage.
I totally get how intimidating some conversations can be……
The fear of conflict, of saying the wrong thing, can be paralysing.?
However…….
Avoiding these conversations only leads to frustration and unresolved issues that build up to make the conversation even more challenging…..??
Especially……
As there is no such thing as a challenging conversation…….
??It’s the energy that we give it beforehand that makes it challenging! ??
So, what are challenging conversations?
Challenging conversations are those difficult but necessary discussions where we tackle uncomfortable topics with honesty and openness and have to overcome some level of trepidation to do so.?
It may be a challenging conversation because it is with a specific:
Yet these conversations are the key to personal and professional growth for both ourselves and the person we are having the conversation with, whether it’s giving constructive feedback to a poor performer, addressing a conflict, or discussing sensitive issues.
Why do we avoid them?
Avoiding challenging conversations often comes from a fear of conflict and rejection. We worry about hurting someone’s feelings or facing backlash. However avoiding these talks can lead to resentment, misunderstandings, and stagnation.
When we shy away from difficult and challenging conversations, we often end up feeling:
How do we approach these conversations with courage?
1. Prepare Yourself:
Before diving into a challenging conversation, take time to prepare. Make sure you are in the right energy.? Reflect on the key points you want to address and consider the other person’s perspective. Practise what you want to say to boost your confidence. Write down your main bullet points if it helps to keep the conversation focused and you on track.
2. Choose the Right Time and Place:
Pick a suitable time, length and setting for the conversation. Ensure it’s a private,? comfortable and a relaxed environment where both parties can speak openly without distractions. Timing is crucial—choose a moment when both of you are calm and not rushed.
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3. Set your intention:
Make sure that you are in control of the conversation and have articulately the purpose of the conversation beforehand so that both of you have time to prepare.
4. Be Clear and Specific:
Clearly and specifically express your thoughts and concerns. Avoid vague statements and focus on concrete examples. Use “I” statements to take ownership of your feelings and avoid sounding accusatory. For instance, “I feel overwhelmed when deadlines are changed at the last minute.”
5. Start with Empathy:
Begin the conversation with empathy and understanding. Acknowledge the other person’s feelings and viewpoints. This helps create a respectful and open dialogue. For example, you might say, “I understand that this topic is sensitive, and I appreciate your willingness to discuss it with me.”
6. Listen Actively:
Active listening is crucial in courageous conversations. Pay attention to the other person’s words, body language, and emotions. Validate their feelings and show that you value their perspective. You can say, “I hear you, and it sounds like you’re feeling frustrated about this situation.”
7. Stay Calm and Composed:
Maintain a calm and composed demeanour, even if the conversation becomes heated. Take deep breaths and pause if needed to keep your emotions in check. Remember, it’s okay to take a moment to collect your thoughts, pause the conversations and take a break for a cuppa if things get heated.?
8. Seek Solutions Together:
Focus on finding solutions rather than placing blame. Collaborate with the other person to identify ways to resolve the issue and move forward positively. Ask questions like, “What can we do to improve this situation?” or “How can we work together to resolve this?”. Ask ‘how’ and ‘what’ questions to encourage curiosity from your intuition to define a way forward. Avoid ‘why’ that comes our ‘Ego’ of? judging, criticising or comparing ourselves or others?????
When we embrace courageous conversations, we experience:
Practice Makes Perfect:
Like any skill, becoming adept at having courageous conversations takes practice. Start with smaller discussions and gradually work your way up to more challenging topics. Over time, you’ll build the confidence and skills needed to handle any conversation with ease.
What challenging conversation have you been avoiding??
How can you approach it with courage this week??
Reflect on a recent situation where you avoided a potentially challenging conversation and think about how you could handle it differently next time.?
I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences in the comments! ??
Take Care,
Lizzy x
#leadership #resilience #communication #confidence
?? The Positivity Doctor ?? Positive Psychologist | Accredited Coach | Author of 28 Days of Positivity | Helping Families, Educators & Leaders Craft a Powerful Barrier Against Negativity, Anxiety, and Daily Stressors??
5 个月You're so right about not shying away from those tough conversations Lizzy. The fear of conflict or saying the wrong thing can be paralyzing, but avoiding these conversations never makes things better. Your point about reframing our mindset is spot on. There's no such thing as an inherently "challenging" conversation until we make it that way with our own mental hang-ups. Thanks for the candid reminder to step up and have those necessary dialogues, even when they feel uncomfortable. Wise words!
Discover & Release Your Fullest Voice - to Get Seen, Heard & Valued - Naturally
5 个月The fear of being shouted at or belittled or failure of securing the desired result Dr Lizzy Bernthal all little potholes, however, the potholes can damage a car these days!