Thirty & Counting

I turned thirty years old today. I had planned a version of 30-year-old me when I was 22/23 years old. I am nowhere near that version but grateful to the Almighty for the person I have become. I have understood over the last few years that goal chasing shouldn’t be the enemy of gratitude and they can coexist together. So, here I am. A thirty-year-old man who dreams of achieving much more than he has achieved so far yet is deeply grateful for every experience that has made him who he is. I sometimes come across reflection posts from people reaching the age of 60/70. I don’t know if I will live that long, so why not write one now? There’s no law against writing a reflection post at thirty I hope, haha. So here goes my list of lessons -

Relationships

1. Our parents deserve more patience and attention as they get older. They struggle to use the latest technologies and understand our changing mindset as we get older. We shouldn’t expect that they will understand everything about us the way they did when we were children. As they get older, we should be the responsible ones in the house and deal with them with more attention and care.
2. Quality over quantity. A few meaningful relationships are worth more than a large circle of acquaintances. Focus on having 2-3 high-quality friends rather than a large group of people with whom you have surface-level relationships.
3. Communication solves almost all problems. Almost all the problems I had with my family members and friends were due to lack of/wrong communication. Learning to communicate properly saves a lot of trouble.
4. All relationships evolve. Our relationship with parents, siblings, and old friends changes over time. We have to put effort into understanding this change and take the required actions to continue healthy relationships.
5. Actively maintain your tribe of friends and mentors. Adulthood is hard and full of battles. Don’t fight it alone and isolate yourself. Stay connected with your tribe and ask for help whenever needed. There’s no shame in asking for help from another person.

Wealth

6. Wealth is what you don’t see. I know a lot of people who live a life they can’t afford. They become chained with EMIs. I come from a middle-class family background so I understood the value of each penny very early in my life. I save as much as I can and don’t spend on things that I don’t find value-adding. I am trying to slowly improve my financial condition without feeling the need to impress the world.

7. Wealth is a great friend. I don’t believe money is the root of all evil. It helps me live a better life and take care of my loved ones. All one needs to do is to keep greed in check and not turn it into a master.

8. Start investing early and don’t invest in instruments you don’t understand. If something sounds too good to be true, in almost every case it is.

9. Keep track of every penny you earn and spend. Be conscious about your finances early in your life. It might feel boring and tiring to continuously track your finances but this will significantly improve your financial decision-making capability and financial condition.

10. Maintain an emergency fund and keep track of your financial runway. If you are a young professional in your late twenties, try to maintain an emergency fund that can help you survive 6-9 months. Always keep track of the months you can survive if you suddenly lose your job. This will help you stay on track with your finances.

Career

11. Networks will give you access to a lot of rooms but your skill will decide how long you will be allowed to stay. I am a big believer in having a strong network. But one thing I have realized is I can’t keep getting opportunities just because I have a great network. I have to show the result. Your mentors and friends will invite you to rooms you never entered before. But they will only value you for what you can deliver, not because someone made a call to recommend you.

12. There’s nothing wrong in promoting yourself/your work. Just don’t be a bragger. If you have worked hard and achieved something, be proud of it. Share your achievements and experience with all. Yes, some people will be jealous and talk negatively. Don’t care about it. Learn to love yourself more than other people’s opinions. That being said, please don’t be a bragger. Learn to promote yourself in a manner where you are respectful to other people.

13. Go where the gun fires the loudest. I heard this quote from Dominic Barton, Ex Global Managing Partner of McKinsey & Company. It means being engaged in high-value-adding areas of the business. You need to prove your worth in the most challenging areas to get the highest growth.

14. Actively seek feedback from the right people. Feedback is a remarkable tool for improving your performance. But make sure you take it from the right people. There’s a quote, “Don’t take constructive criticism from someone who hasn’t constructed anything”. Also, make sure people who are giving you feedback have strong subject matter expertise. Learn to discard feedback that doesn’t add value to your work.

15. Be known as a problem solver. Your job doesn’t end in finding the problem, it ends with solving it. Most of the people discuss problems and end up with zero solution. They are not match winners, they are the batsmen who waste balls. Don’t be one of them. Be someone who goes out, solves problems, and closes the loop.

Health

16. The body keeps the score. I have been a pretty weak person since my childhood. What’s worse is I never actively worked to improve my health. This has significantly affected my strength and stamina. The biggest priority of my 30s is going to be my physical and mental health.

17. Mental health is equally important as physical health. We live in a society where don’t discuss mental health much. I have been burnt out, faced panic attacks, and felt crippling anxiety many times in the last few years. I didn’t even know what to do or how to ask for help. These mental health issues have significantly impacted my physical health, relationships, and work. I hope to manage it in a better manner.

18. Sacrificing health for the sake of work is a recipe for disaster. If I have learned anything from top performers over the years, it's that they religiously take care of their health. We can’t pour from an empty cup.

19. Slow progress is still progress. I am a very impatient and lazy person when it comes to improving my fitness. I exercise for a few days and if I don’t see any visible improvement, I quit. Then I restart again and quit. I have been stuck in this vicious cycle for quite long. I am learning to prioritize consistency over significant progress. I am sticking to eating healthy and doing basic workouts in a consistent manner. I am taking baby steps but I am moving forward.

20. Consider having health insurance. I don’t think health insurance is a familiar thing among people of my age. But I have been using health insurance since 2023 (as part of my employment benefit). Treatments and medications are quite costly matters and we never know what the future holds. A health insurance can significantly reduce the financial burden.

Growth

21. My job is to cross the swamp, not fight all the alligators. Till my early twenties, I thought I must fight and win all the battles. It’s easy to be consumed by every small issue or obstacle, but this can drain your energy and resources without bringing you any closer to success. The real skill lies in recognizing which battles are worth fighting and which can be left alone.

22. Conversations are a great way to learn as long as it’s with the right people. People who know me know I am a bookworm. I have always found books a great (and sometimes only) way to learn. But I have also learned a lot by having conversations with people who are wiser than me and people who have walked on different roads in life than I have. Talking to people significantly helped me to see my blind spots and receive some high-quality advice.

23. There's nothing wrong with saying, "I don't know about it. Can you teach me?". Knowledge can come from anywhere/anyone. Don’t act like you know something when you don’t. People around you are smarter than you think. They understand when the wise speak and when the idiot blabbers.

24. Process > Goal. Every year we make a list of goals that most of us fail to achieve. Because we obsess over the goal so much that we forget to focus on the process that delivers the goal. All the successful/wise people I know have great processes in place.

25. Quantifying targets and writing things down is a great way to hold ourselves accountable. The most impactful actions that have increased my effectiveness are planning the day before with quantified targets and holding myself accountable. For example - I will walk 8K steps is way more specific than I will walk tomorrow. It sets clear expectations on what needs to happen to call a task successful. Once you learn to hold yourself accountable for your actions, your locus of control significantly increases.

Other

26. Always improve your position. There’s a saying that the best way to win a negotiation is to be in a better position than your counterpart. We should continuously improve our positions in life to ensure we are not in a desperate situation. Whether in negotiations, career, or personal endeavors, we must seek incremental improvements. These small accumulations of wins will put us in a place of strength and power eventually. So that when the opportunity arrives, we can strike with full force from a favorable position.

27. If you want clarity, write things down. I started writing regularly from 2023. This has been a rewarding experience. I don’t write to teach, I write to learn. I use every write-up as an opportunity to talk to myself where I question and debate with myself. Suppose, I want to know about a topic or make a project plan. I start writing about it in detail after doing research. It helps me to get clarity on the matter. Writing makes me question every step I don’t understand. So I keep researching until I am fully clear. I will highly recommend you all to do this in both personal and professional lives.

28. Maintain boundaries. Learn to prioritize yourself. Don’t let everyone have access to you anytime. Learn to say no when necessary. It will help you to protect your energy and time. Also, learn to maintain a clear boundary between your personal and professional lives.

29. Time is your most important asset. Manage it right. Punctuality is a very much underrated skill in our society. A lot of us tend to show up late, delay meetings/events, and don’t deliver on time. It is very easy to join the crowd and end up becoming one of them. But that’s not how excellence is built. Excellence comes from deep respect for your own and other people’s time, and managing time with utmost sincerity.

30. A book is being written on you. Make sure the right things are in it. You are part of a large system where you have to interact with hundreds of people. Make sure you act in a way that supports the reputation you want to build. In a world of the internet, you have to be conscious both offline and online about what you are communicating and how you are communicating. Don’t do something for short-term satisfaction that brings long-term pain.

Thanks a lot for reading all these lessons I have shared. Do pray for me that I can be a better person in the next decades of my life and make this world a better place than it was when I was born.