The Third Resolution

When the world is ushering the new year, I am indulging in happiness for keeping my new year resolutions for this year. It was late last December when for the first time I thought of having some new year resolutions and zeroed in on three (will come to those shortly).

On the 1st of Jan after wishing happy new year, she casually asked – ‘so, what is your new year resolution?’ She was probably expecting my usual answer that I don’t really believe in it. But this time my answer was different – I told her my resolutions: a) I’ll go to gym & target to achieve 53K calories, and, b) I’ll publish 12 articles.

If you are attentive enough, you must be wondering whether I lost count or is it that I already have had one too many shots of tequila to write an article! Neither has happened – thankfully! Yes, there was a third resolution as well. It is something that I didn’t tell her, I didn’t tell anyone till this date.

This article is not to gloat in self-congratulatory fashion, but to share my story on what helped me in keeping my resolutions, when study suggests that nearly 40% people fail to keep their new year resolutions past the Valentine’s Day.

Let me begin by explaining why I chose the numbers 53K and 12. 53K is 1K for every week of the year. Well, I am yet to begin my new year celebration, fully sober, and very much aware that there are 52 weeks in a year, not 53. 1K additional is just for self-satisfaction of going the extra mile (in this case an extra thousand calories). And 12 articles so I push myself to publish one every month. For the record: I didn’t go to gym for more than 5 days last year and wrote only 2 articles.

You must have heard that your goals should be SMART, an acronym coined in 1981 in Management Review journal, that stands for Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant and Time-bound. I insist on M more than the rest. If you can’t measure it, you are not going to achieve it. It’s as simple as that. I once told someone rather bluntly – except the love of your parents, everything else can be measured one way or the other. Well, maybe that’s a bit too much generalization. But you get the point.

Second – you got to look at smaller targets. I didn’t look at 53,000 calories or 12 articles. Every week I was only targeting 1000 calories worth of gym and every month 1 article to publish. It was easier to look at those targets and keep motivating myself of the smaller achievements. As Charles Duhigg, the author of the book ‘The Power of Habit’ said, “Focus on these small wins so you can make gradual progress.”

Third – track your progress. Track it daily and weekly and monthly. Believe it or not, I created a spreadsheet to track my progress of burning calories (chart below, prepared from the daily record). What it essentially helped me with is to get back up quickly when I occasionally slipped off the course. If I was 400 calories down a week, I knew I’ll have to go to gym on Sunday the next week. When I couldn’t go to gym for nearly 3 weeks for circumstances beyond my control, I planned to make it up next month by increasing my time at the gym from 45 minutes to 60 minutes a day. Legendary coach Vince Lombardi said, “It isn’t whether you get knocked down, it’s whether you get back up.” Resiliency is important and paramount to success. Tracking your progress consistently is essential.

Finally – declare your goals publicly. Well, maybe not on Facebook, but to your friends, someone who is likely to ask you once in a while “Hey, are you still on track?” I did tell a few of my friends and colleagues about my two goals. Once you share with others, it would be harder for you to break the resolution. You’d get past the Valentine’s Day for sure, very likely past the Independence Day as well. With a little bit push, little more self-determination, it would be past Christmas!

The Third Resolution

Those of you, who are still continuing to read, my third – and most significant – resolution was to avoid toxic people.

"People inspire you, or they drain you – pick them wisely"

- Hans F. Hansen

Toxic people are those who drain your time and energy – a lot of them – without any reward. Whether it’s their negativity, cruelty, lack of understanding of right and wrong, self-centricity or simply their crazy nature, these people will drive your brain into a stressful situation that you can ill afford. Ironically, most toxic people are blissfully unaware that they are. They are oblivious of the negative energy and impact that they spread to those around them. You may have heard you are the product of the five people you spend most time with. Imagine even one of them to be toxic, and you’ll soon find yourself in a quagmire. Best option is to distance yourself from such persons, keep them as far as possible. But sometimes you find yourself in a ‘Chakravyuh’, the labyrinth of deadly trap, when you just cannot distance yourself from these people, they are too close to you. You got to then resolve to ‘avoid’ such people. Remember the most precious possession you have is your time. Spend it judiciously.

But, how will you do it?

Search in Google ‘how to avoid toxic people’ and you’ll find ‘About 140,000,000 results (0.61 seconds).’ Of course, I just searched to see it. But, none of those nearly 140,000,000 would suggest you a magic bullet, because there is no magic bullet, there is no formula, no defined method, that works for all.

It is your ability to manage your emotions. Your ability to control your emotion and remain calm under stress and duress has a direct link to your individual performance. And, I am not talking about your career performance, but your success as an individual. One of the greatest gifts you can give yourself is the ability to identify toxic people and keep them at distance.

It is your self-determination and resolve to protect yourself. That’s your fiercest weapon against such people. Believe me, you are in control of far more than you realize. Today is the 365th day of my self-determination to avoid toxic people. Not for a day I complied, not for a day I confronted, not for a day I lost my control – I consciously avoided every single day, and I kept my Third Resolution as well.

For the very few of you, the intriguing souls who must be wondering about the second resolution, to publish 12 articles – where those are – you can check my LinkedIn profile. As I publish this article few hours shy of the stroke of midnight and we welcome a new year, this becomes my 12th article this year.

There’re still few hours left before the ball drops at the Times Square. It’s time for me to celebrate – to raise a toast to myself for keeping all three resolutions I promised myself a year back.

Cheers!!

? Dipes Biswas, 2019