Thinking your partner intentionally shuts you down when ever you're having an unhealthy argument.

Sometimes we have to leave things as it is. Somethings happen and can't be reversed.

This article is a conversation between two young adults in a relationship. The letter from the gentleman to his girlfriend.

"Sometimes I try to end the conversation when I see it's getting unhealthy. Remember I always start in a low tone but unfortunately, you insist on still being on the same topic instead of changing. This rather makes it difficult for me to calm you down but rather have to raise my voice unfortunately which rather shuts you down emotionally. I don't take any joy in doing that."

But there's always a way to prevent such a thing from happening.

1. If you are arguing with someone and you realize its getting unhealthy, you shut yourself down before the person does. 

Doing this doesn't mean you have given up or lost the argument, it rather prevents you from getting an emotional breakdown.

2. At times the only thing that can help the person is silence.

When you share your story to someone and the person doesn't say anything that moment, it doesn't mean the person cares less or has no interest in what you are saying. Everyone has their own timings to how they digest problems. For some people, it's a matter of seconds, others spends days just to be able to untangle the issue. 

People that instantly judge or say something normally get it wrong.

What I do when someone tells me their problem. 

1. I try to see myself in that persons shoes. This thing could have happened to me or I might have experienced it before. 

2. How is the person feeling that moment? How did i feel when it happened to me?  Does the person look mentally okay? Is the person hurt about the situation?

3. How come that happened? Was is intentional or a mistake? That moment I ask my self what might have caused that problem? Well I don't know, i will find that out later but not instantly. Will find a way to let the person tell me without asking.

4. What can I do to help solve the problem? At this time i will know if the person needs just a word of motivation, instant cash, protection, love, care, solution, my thought and finally my judgement.

3. Getting closer or keeping distance. 

Sometimes you just need to move closer to the person to talk it out. Being distant from the person doesn't make the person feel you genuinely want to talk about the issue. Sitting at a far end in the same room and talking about the issue already puts the person in a mixed feelings. Get closer and listen to the person talk.

Remember, it's the person who got affected with the issue not you, you are only there to listen. You have to listen to the person more than to talk back.

4. Leave the place for a moment if you don't know what to say.

Many at times some people will tell you lemme call you back so we talk about it, please give me a second... I need to visit the washroom. 

This time is called the creating space. This is the time you can use to digest the issue and find your own solution to the person keeping in mind you don't want to hurt the person but rather console. 

Some people rudely do this of which an such a person. 

I either take my phone or step out all of a sudden, this normally happen when the issue affects me also but I don't want to show extra weakness.

5. Give the person a good reason before abandoning him or her.

If you leave the person in the middle of the conversation because you got an emotional break down it leaves a mark in the person's head. This will always be in the person's mind. 

"This person will always leave me when i need them the most" "This person doesn't care about me just as i do" "This person doesn't love me as they should".

Don't turn the person against you.  Find a good reason to leave. Yes you have to leave but with what reason. 

Phases like 

" me am leaving because you don't want me to help"

"Am trying to help and you don't want to listen"

"You're being ungrateful as am trying to help you"

Etc 

And also leaving without a word makes the person conclude he or she can't depend on your help. Even if you have to coin a lie that he or she will believe, do so so that you don't lose the person for leaving. 

6. Don't transfer the situation to yourself.

Don't feel more hurt than the person who experienced the problem. Remember, it's their problem not yours. You are only there to help not to judge, not to blame, not to break down emotionally. It hurts but don't let the person see you are hurt, let the person feel you are worried. 

Don't say things like

We needed this money, I could have done this and that with the money, 

Rather say

You needed this money, you could have done this with that money. 

Replace words like I, we, us, our to you and your(s).