Thinking of Working with your Spouse?

So everyone asks Mike and me what it’s like to be married AND run a business together. TLDR: It’s awesome.?

?But lemme start at the beginning. 20 years ago, nothing was going right. The company I was working for had closed the West Coast office and moved me back to the East; my relationship had ended; I had accidentally sublet my place to junkies who were selling my belongings to a pawn shop And to top it off, my sister Heather was getting married and I didn’t have a date for the wedding.

A friend at work, Terese, helpfully suggested that, if he was cute, I should ask that guy, you know, the writer whose script I really liked -- the guy with the 3 names -- during our meeting next week.???

“His name is Mike Erskine-Kellie, and no, I’m not going to invite him to my sister’s wedding because:

1. I’ve never met him
2. It’s completely inappropriate to ask someone whose script I’m thinking of optioning out on a date.”

On the day of our 45 minute drink meeting, Terese went up to get Mike and bring him down to meet me. She came running ahead mouthing “he’s really cute!!!!!”

I had asked Mike for the meeting expecting that the company would option his screenplay but had instead learned that day that the company was going to go under.

On lunch, I had wandered into the opera store and bought a beautiful framed poster of Madame Butterfly. She looked as tragic as I felt.

I almost canceled the meeting with Mike. After all, there wasn't any point since I couldn`t option the script and I couldn't tell him why. But something told me to keep the appointment anyway.?

Our 45 minute drink meeting turned into a 7 hour date, and we barely talked about the script at all. He told me all about his life and I did the same, right down to the failed relationship, the junkies, even about not having a date for my sister’s wedding.

As the evening drew to a close, I took a chance. “I hope you don't think I’m too forward, and please feel free to say no,” I started.

“Oh, I hope you’re going to ask me to your sister’s wedding,” he said, asking me what time he should be there.?

I told him that the wedding was at 4, that Mum and I would be there at 1 to help set up but that he could be there for 3:45.

He showed up early and ready to work. My family was impressed. Until we started necking at the head table.

Several weeks later, Carolyn, the mutual friend who had sent in Mike’s script and whose place I was subletting, let me know she was coming home from her run at Stratford, and I needed to find somewhere else to live.

“Come stay with me while you look around the city,” Mike said. “It’s changed since you lived here. You need to explore its neighborhoods and decide which one is right for you.”

So I arrived at Mike’s place with my 2 suitcases, which were all I had left of my belongings (thanks Junkies!), and my picture of Madame Butterfly.

Mike said, ``While you`re here, we should find somewhere to hang Madame Butterfly, you know, so the place feels more like yours.``

We looked around the place and finally found the perfect spot. Mike grabbed a hammer, pounded a nail into the wall and hung the picture.

Then he turned to me and grabbed my hands.

``Don`t go, `` he said to me. ``Don`t ever go.``

And I never left.

That was 25 years ago (the picture is from 13 years ago).

At the start, each of us built our own businesses, although they were related. But soon, they became intermingled, and we’ve never looked back.?

Lot’s of couples get stuck on ego. We talked about that, right from the beginning. We asked ourselves who did we want to be in the world through this business, and who did we want to be to each other??

In the first 5 years, we would average one big argument a year, each of us going to our respective corners in the house and sulking. But on the 3rd horrible day of the last such event, Mike went for a walk around the block, and when he came home, he said “this isn’t who I want to be. I KNOW it isn’t who you are either. So I’m going to promise you right now that I’ll never go to bed not speaking to you ever again.”?

We may have creative disagreements over what way to go on a project, but neither of us feel threatened. Each is intrigued at the opportunity to try and pull off an approach that isn’t ours. And in the end, that practice of working really hard to pull off someone else’s idea, maybe one that is antithetical to our own, has allowed us to build better products, services, and lives.

I don’t think either of us could imagine trying to run this business without the other. And neither of us wants to try. He will always fill in the bits where I’m not strong and vice versa.?

I also know that building a business with your spouse is not for everyone. In fact, it’s probably not for most.?

But when you think of how much time you spend working, for us it made sense. When you put in the kind of hours we do on our creative projects, it’s nice to have a partner who completely gets where you are and what you need. No resentment or split focus. We make decisions together on what projects to take on and what to decline.? We set our hours. And we control who does what.?

It helps, I think, that we literally met at a business meeting, and that we were so immediately creatively aligned from the moment we met. Not everyone can say that.?

I can’t tell you if working together would be the best thing you’d ever done or the worst. You probably already have a sense of that for yourself. But I can tell you that it was one of the best decisions either of us have ever made.?

And I wouldn’t change a thing.?