Thinking outside of the box, within the parameters

The frustration is seeping through across the world. The misery at all things we can’t now do. The plans we can’t implement - be they going on holiday or finding the right partner. The box is tight and the price of breaking out is huge; either for ourselves or for the people around us.

I think one of the dangers is to restrict all our creative energy to work. It’s needed at home too.

To figure out how to live life as full as possible within the box. I don’t necessarily mean the box of a flat or house, but more generally - the current rules which we are fitted into.

Over the last few months I have arranged a funeral and a wedding amongst other things. The funeral was restricted to two people: my husband and I burying my mother in law. We sat facing the grim prospect. We read and reread the rules. We spoke to people who were so devastated not to be there. We thought of how desperate and forlorn we would be.

Then, we decided to send a message to all the people in her community and asked them to stand at their doors, sit by their windows or lurk at their gates. We put her coffin in our car and drove her the long way to the cemetery and people came outside to say goodbye. And they did. About sixty in all. Not a word said. Just quiet waves. We were OK at the graveside after that. And they sent their beautiful letters afterwards. No one would have been more surprised than my mother in law at how many people came to say goodbye.

And the wedding? A maximum of 30 people (it’s now down to 15) spread out across empty pews, face masks, no singing, no bells, no organ, no candles, sanitiser in one hand and the rings in the other. The church echoed - no confetti, no photos, no parking.

Was it a wedding my daughter asked for? No. So we built an arch in our garden. A green arch, with white roses and hydrangeas and silver leaves all around it. And when we got home we stayed outside, they stood under the arch, the English sun was kind and we sung loud and clear, laughed and even danced.

Meanwhile, my mother remains in her bedroom. So lonely, however much we try to help. So, we have arranged for a musician who has no work to come and serenade her outside her window each day.

We must use our creativity: to put her coffin in the back of the car, to build an arch yet still respect the rules, to serenade each other. Women know the power of symbolism and can always find ways. Because we can’t afford to waste time getting angry about the parameters and restrictions, as for a while (for a long while) we have to use our creativity to work within them. And enjoy doing so - because maybe tomorrow it may get worse.

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P.S. I just heard of another good one. A friend's mother in law in her nineties has a sister also in her nineties. The sisters have run out of conversation on zoom. So she has sent them both a very beautiful box of chocolates. Each box the same. They sit and discuss on zoom each evening which one to try next and then share what they thought of it once consumed. More ideas please!