Thinking and EQ

This edition is about another key skill which we do it consciously (sometimes) and unconsciously (most of the times), If we add a structure to it and this will help us improve our Emotional Intelligence. It is Thinking.

What is thinking?

Right from getting up in the morning, to the time we get into deep sleep, we are constantly thinking. Various definitions of the word thinking from different sources:

• Merriam-webster: an action of using one’s mind to produce thoughts
• Cambridge: the activity of using your mind to consider something
• Collins: the activity of using your brain by considering a problem or possibility or creating an idea

The above definitions, and many other definitions from other sources give an indication that thinking is a conscious action. I prefer to call human beings ATMs. Automated Thinking Machines. Some of the thinking is conscious and many, unconscious. Reflection and contemplation are different modes of thinking with consciousness added in different degrees. In the following graph, how long do you think and whether you do it consciously or unconsciously places the thinking in different positions.

Let us look at it with a situation as an example to understand the differences. You got ready for office and reached the subway or bus stop. You just missed the train / bus by few minutes.

• This is what you could be thinking. "OMG, the next bus is only after 10 mins. I might miss the meeting. Let me call someone and tell them that I will be late". This is spontaneous, immediate, and mostly automatic.
• This is what you could be reflecting: "I missed the bus. This happened a couple of times earlier also. I do not want this to happen anymore. Will start 5 minutes earlier from home from tomorrow". Reactive to some extent. Consciousness is added moderately with the intent of action to change something at your level. An experience converted to learning. In academic books, there are sections for the students to reflect and come out with an answer.?
• When it comes to contemplation, your thinking goes beyond you and include people, environment, challenges that are posed to you in the thinking process. "Why am I in this situation? Why are the things this way? What can be done in so that not just for me, but, for others also this challenge itself might not exist? Why do I have to leave home and catch the bus? What can I do?" This goes beyond the learning and experience. Contemplation is thinking deeply about something, for a long time, with a intent to understand the nature of that something. Mindful meditation can be considered one form of contemplation. This is also conscious. We can say contemplation is the combination of Mindfulness + Reflection. Contemplation needs a place with zero or less distractions.

"Life can only be understood backwards; but, it must be lived forwards - S?ren Kierkegaard”

What’s the connection with EQ??

Understanding a situation is one of the critical components of EQ. When you start reflecting, then, you are on the path to understanding the situation, which will lead to insights for you to change your action or behavior that benefits you and people around you. ?Reflective thinking and contemplation lead to critical and creative thinking, which are very essential for managers, leaders. Your ability to analyze the situation also improves. The more you do this, it becomes easier and quicker for you to get into the higher modes of thinking quick. You will be able to make better decisions.

In the article from Leaderonomics, Sandy Clarke mentions that “reflection and contemplation are vital tools that allow us to chart the best course moving forward by understanding what has gone wrong before”?

How do I go about it?

This is the part that needs a little bit of practice. Mindful meditation, journaling (mentioned in the newsletter writing) all help you getting your conscious engaged into the thinking process. But, what are the easy steps to get started?

1. Allocate 5 mins of ‘Reflection time’ every day. Think of one situation in that day which comes to your mind. Write down one learning from that situation. Or simply answer the following questions: What you have done or others have done? What could have been done better? Who got impacted? Who could have got benefited if you have done differently? (You can go digital also – use any of your digital note taking app)
2. Practice Gratitude. Think of someone who you want to thank today and the reason for that. This is a powerful way of reflecting that helps you focus on the positive sides of the things.
3. Take a 10 minute walk in nature - leaving your mobile at home :-).

Thinking of it, if you start the reflection journey, you will slowly get into the contemplation mode.

I thank all the subscribers to this newsletter and the readers. Please share your thoughts of how you find these tips useful.