Think Networking is Awkward? Here's What to Do Instead

If the word networking makes you cringe, you're not alone. A client recently shared that she “dislikes the term networking because it has a slimy reputation.” The problem isn't networking itself, though. The issue is that we've been taught to approach it like salespeople instead of relationship builders. There’s this whole outdated view of networking that involves a “what can I get” mentality. Modern networking requires a complete mindset shift from "What can I get?" to "How can we help each other grow?" Or, even one step further, “What can I give, and how can I help?”

In this week's edition of Perfect-Fit Positioning, you'll discover how to transform your networking from an awkward conversation that feels forced into authentic relationship-building.

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Networking is About Connecting, Not Collecting

Traditional networking feels forced and inauthentic because there’s this used car salesman vibe of forced small talk, agenda-pushing, and one-sided conversations. If you’re focused on getting versus giving, then it makes sense why you’d feel that way. That’s transaction-based networking. I hesitate to even use the word “networking” when talking about this type of transactional encounter.?

Networking can be genuine AND mutually beneficial when you go into it with a relationship-first mindset.?

You’re not engaging in awkward conversations with strangers or collecting a rolodex of people who may one day get you a job. You’re supporting others. We all want to feel heard and understood. We all want our work to be appreciated. I’m not an extrovert or a natural conversationalist. But I love supporting and helping other people. My version of networking on LinkedIn looked like finding other people in my industry, commenting on their posts, sending clients their way, and asking them if they’d like to collaborate with me on a project. When you give to someone, there’s this law of reciprocity at work, which nudges people to naturally want to give back. You’re not giving to get, you’re genuinely supporting another human being, and it’s natural for them to want to do the same.?

Anyone can build authentic professional relationships by reframing networking as mutual support rather than asking for favors.

Building Genuine Relationships in an Always-On World

Everyone’s too busy for networking these days, right? When I asked job seekers about their biggest networking challenges, here’s what I heard:

• Everyone is overwhelmed.
• I feel bad taking up people's time.
• Everyone is so busy.

Here's what's fascinating, though: in today's hyper-connected and time-starved world, authentic relationship building has become more valuable precisely because it's rare. Let me show you why and how to do it right.

Generic outreach is on the rise. Since LinkedIn started offering AI tools, there’s been an outbreak of AI-generated comments. They’ve increased by 300% between February and October 2024, AI-generated posts ballooned by more than 100%, and there’s been a notable surge in job applications on LinkedIn.?

There’s so much noise out there.

The upside here is that while everyone else is sending generic requests, genuine outreach is rare and, therefore, memorable. Overwhelmed professionals value authentic, thoughtful connections more than the same template messages over and over again.?

It may seem like you’re being more productive by sending an AI-generated message, clicking easy apply, submitting online applications, and contacting strangers to ask for a job. But while these quick, transactional activities may seem productive, they’re a waste of time. Ever heard the saying “slow is fast”??

In job searching, taking the slow route leads to faster results.

Those quick actions are giving you feelings of false productivity. They make you think that you’re progressing in your job search, but they’re a waste of time. The more effective route is to engage in genuine relationship building. When we look at the data, we see that networking is the top job search activity that directly correlates to how companies fill jobs.

A Better Approach to Networking

There are two types of outreach in networking: warm and cold. When people say that networking feels slimy, it’s usually because they think of cold outreach to strangers where their initial outreach asks for a favor.?

Instead, what if you started with your power circle? Those friends, family members, and past coworkers closest to you. The people in your inner circle who already know, like, and trust you .?

Your power circle may not know of an opening, but they may know of someone inside your target company that you could speak to, and they would gladly introduce you.?

Years ago, I worked for an organization where part of my offer package included a raise at the 6-month and 12-month employment mark. 12 months later, no increase. I spoke to my boss, who said they wouldn't keep their commitment. I decided it was time to look elsewhere.?

I casually mentioned to my dad that I was job hunting. A week later, while chatting, a supplier happened to mention that their client needed an HR manager. One conversation led to another, and through this chain of connections (people I didn't know directly), I landed the role and a 40% pay increase.

We call the above type of networking connection weak ties because it’s not who you know; it’s who they know that leads to the opportunity. Take a minute to think about who you are most comfortable talking to about your job search and who has already offered assistance in your search. Jot down their names and then reconnect.?

While you’re making a list, don’t forget about past coworkers. Recent research shows that 60% of opportunities found through networking came from a past colleague.

Now, let’s discuss conversation goals:

1. First, start by reconnecting and solidifying the relationship.?

2. Make it easy for them to help you.

- provide a list of your target companies

- get their advice on accessing these companies

- ask for referrals to contacts in your target companies

If you’re struggling with letting someone help you (I see you out there, overachievers, DIY’ers, and those who just plain hate asking for help), think about a time that someone asked you for help.?

How did it make you feel that they came to you and asked for help? Flattered, right?

How did you feel after you were able to help? I bet you felt good.?

Here's a mindset shift: when you accept help, you give someone else the gift of feeling valued.?

Being helpful gives people purpose. When you never ask for help, you're taking away that opportunity.

If you want more help reframing your perspective on networking, there’s fascinating research from HBR on overcoming networking aversion .??

3. Find ways you can help them (personal, professional).?

A great way to do this is to simply ask: “Is there anything I can help you with?”

Another way is to look for opportunities during your discussion with them.?

Do you know someone in their industry you could introduce them to??

A possible new client, supplier, vendor, or potential new employee??

Is there an article or book they might enjoy that you could send them?

Can you offer your expertise in a specific area?

Engage with their social media content; comment to increase visibility, share it with your network, or offer a recommendation/skill endorsement.?

Genuine relationships are mutually beneficial. Keep an eye out for ways to help. When you consistently show up for others, asking for support feels like a natural exchange rather than an imposition.

Want even more strategies for networking with hiring managers on LinkedIn?

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