Think 168 Hours, Not 24

I recently read Emily Oster’s forthcoming book, The Family Firm, which is about how to make decisions for your family during the school years. When it comes to how parents and kids spend time, she suggests thinking about family values, and then thinking about how various choices will play out in terms of schedules.

One obvious example is family meals and kid activities. If having family meals is a big priority, then that might affect which extracurricular activities you sign kids up for.?

This is certainly smart advice — we should always make mindful choices — but the resulting decisions don’t necessarily have to be either/or. As I’ve been thinking about this, I’ve realized that I have various values that theoretically might conflict. I value family meals. I also value kids’ interests, and it is a core value for me that if a child wants to try something, I will do my best to make it happen. That explains how I have spent time over the past seven years or so at wrestling meets, karate belt tests, rock climbing gyms, and other such things that never featured in my life growing up.?

Two kids recently decided they wanted to take gymnastics classes together, so I dutifully signed them up for a time that didn’t conflict with other sports. That time — 6:40 p.m. on Thursdays — pretty much precludes family dinner that night (since another kid has tennis right before!).

So does this mean one value trumps the other? Not necessarily. Because when you look at the whole week, we still eat a lot of family meals. This week we managed to do Monday night and Wednesday night, if at different points depending on the schedule. We almost always eat dinner together on weekend nights too. I maintain that anything that happens three times a week is a habit. By looking at all 168 hours, rather than any given 24, we don’t have to choose.

This broader perspective helps with all sorts of theoretical hard choices. Full time work vs. time with family? If you work 40 hours per week, and sleep 8 hours per night (56 per week) that leaves 72 hours for other things, which can encompass a lot of quality and quantity time. Stay late at work in pursuit of that promotion or go to the gym? Well, how about working long two days, going to the gym three days, and then having two weekend days where the choices look entirely different?

When we look at 168 hours, not 24, we see a lot more possibility. We can spend time on what we value, even if we have value more than one thing.

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