Things won’t always go your way...

This year was full of mixed emotions.

In terms of my personal life, it has been a rollercoaster as well.

My car and phone got stolen a few weeks ago. I can't lie it shocked me, but I just keep telling myself that “life is happening for me and not to me and out of this situation something good will come” at the end those are material things that could easily be replaced. I’m just glad we’re safe.

On a positive note, it was also my daughter Amara’s high school graduation this year! After all her hard work, she’s finally on to the next chapter of her life and I couldn’t be prouder.

Sadly, because of the pandemic, she won’t be able to celebrate with her friends and see a culmination. I can only imagine how disappointed she is but she’s being a champ. She understands that this is all for the best.

It was also her 18th birthday on June 6th (the same day as her graduation)! We celebrated with a very simple meal at home— she told me that she was not up to celebrate during these times and I understand her).

One of the many things that make me proud of her and something I’m learning is that some things don’t go our way and we can still make the best out of every situation, so in light of these events she took her time to share her experience and use her voice during her first webinar! She shared with us her experience and insights from the point of view of her generation of minorities living in America. We learned so much from her, but here are some of my biggest takeaways:

• Kids are not taught about what racism is. They’re just not brought up learning about racism and how not to be racist. In short, education about these things is important. Opening up a discussion with kids about racism will go a long way.
• The younger generations grew up with the Internet and social media which is very helpful for them to be aware and raise awareness as well.
• It is okay to change your opinion once presented with new information. I think this is the most important lesson from her talk. This is important because most of the time, we are so stuck to our beliefs and opinions that we do not accept being corrected. But we have to normalize changing our opinions once we are presented with facts.

My girl is a woman now. Day by day, she’s growing up to become her own person. With everything that’s been going on, she’s forced to go out of her comfort zone to adjust and adapt to the situations we face every day. And, I guess, that’s one benefit of this lockdown...

As she hits three milestones in the middle of this all, she’s discovered that not everything goes our way and that going out of our comfort zones brings us growth and more opportunities.

It must not have been easy for her to accept at a young age as we, grown-ups, sometimes still have a hard time accepting when things don’t go our way.

What do we do when things don’t go our way anyway?

Here are some Thriving Tips on how to build your brand foundation:

1. Acknowledge and process your thoughts:

Don’t block them, don’t resist them. Acknowledge both negative and positive thoughts.

Acknowledging your thoughts does not necessarily mean believing them. If you have a thought that says, “I messed up, I don’t know how I can fix it,” just acknowledging it allows you to move on from that thought and focus on the situation at hand.

Once you acknowledge these emotions, here are some ways you can do process them:

Journaling/Audio taping/Braindumping. This doesn’t have to be formal or organized at all. Just write happiness and unhappiness in a private notebook, on your desktop, or even your blog! You can choose to delete or keep it afterward. This lets you release all your thoughts and even re-center yourself and helps you gain awareness of your thoughts and emotions. You might even find a breakthrough when reading your own thoughts!

Meditation. At its most basic form, this is just sitting and lying still and just being aware of your whole body, your thoughts and feelings, and your surroundings. Meditation requires practice to master but once you get the hang of it, you’ll realize that it’s actually not complicated and you’ll be able to maximize its benefits.

Talking to someone. This might be the most obvious one but this can be hard. Some people have a hard time sharing what’s on their minds while some do it effortlessly. And that’s okay. Just know that this is an option and there is no shame in doing this. This offers you an opportunity to hear another point of view and consider the situation from a different angle. 

2. Give Yourself a Break:

 Remember that this is an option. If you’re stressed out by the situation, you can always pull yourself aside and re-evaluate it from afar. Take a walk, get some sleep, have a lazy day, or whatever you need to reset and refresh.

Having a break doesn’t mean that you’re giving up. It just gives you time and space to get a clear path on what steps to take next. You’ll be surprised by what you can discover when you reassess things from afar.

3. Focus on actionable steps:

You have to realize and accept that in every setback or situation, there’s always one or more variables that are out of your control.

Whatever your initial reaction and emotion may be, just acknowledge those, as we’ve mentioned in point 1.

Once you do that, it’s time to focus on what you can do, what you can change. That’s how you can make a bad situation better— by taking actionable steps.

Identify the situation. What’s the real problem?

Acknowledge what’s stressing you out and what went wrong. What specifically about the situation is stressing you out?

Recognize what you can control and what you can take action upon. What could you have done to avoid or to make it better?

If you can, create a clear, step-by-step plan. In this step, you have to remember that you don’t have to take big steps. Taking baby steps is more practical and it actually gives you a clearer path to get you to where you want to be.

4. Make sure you learned from the situation:

I believe this is how you make the most out of a bad situation. There’s always something to learn about every encounter.

And if you can find a lesson from a bad situation, you can avoid the mistakes and then apply the lessons moving forward. And, personally, I see that as a win on its own already. 

5. Remember that there will always be things that will go out of your way once in a while

We can’t control everything. And that’s okay! We are made to adapt.

As long as we learn and apply what we learn moving forward, we will keep on growing, and don’t you think that’s actually a good thing? I do.

That’s just life— and mishaps and challenges add color to it— they make us stronger. Overcoming these challenges will give us feelings of fulfillment and impart with us great lessons.

And this is one way I’m viewing all that has been happening around us. I cannot control it, my daughter is learning this— but we are taking this as an opportunity to learn more about ourselves, each other, and the situation.

Now that my daughter is slowly going out of her comfort zone in different ways, I found some resources that can guide her through it. I help her, too, but I also believe that she should learn some things on her own so she can have her own take on things.

I thought I’d share these resources with you. After all, we are always challenged to go out of our comfort zones— no matter how old we are.

Growth is an essential part of life. It means improving our habits and behaviors to enhance the quality of our lives, achieve more, become better people, and, overall, be better versions of ourselves. To achieve growth, we first have to get out of our comfort zone, face our fears, and keep pursuing improvement and happiness.

I know it can be hard, but luckily for us, there are many people who have been through this journey and have written about their insights on the matter.

This week, I'll share with you some of my book recommendations on growth and happiness:

Hello, Fears

Michelle Poler

“The enemy of success is not failure— it’s actually comfort.” - Michelle Poler

Growth happens outside of your comfort zone. In line with that, we can consider this book as foundation-building.

Fear always creeps in— fear of rejection, fear of being stuck, fear of being challenged… All of us have fears. It’s perfectly normal to have them. This book encourages readers to be brave enough to push out of their comfort zones— to travel, start your own business, to say “yes” to things that you want, to say “no” to things you don’t, and to have boundaries.

We just have to learn to face them to actually get somewhere. I recommend this book as it helps us know that someone has been through what you’re going through, someone has felt what you’re feeling.

This book doesn’t teach you to be fearless… It teaches you to be brave.

The Happiness of Pursuit

Chris Guillebeau

Keeping in the personal development and passion theme, this book talks about happiness in pursuing “quests.”

This book is a call to take control of your own life by going on a quest, which will fill your life with meaning, purpose, and a whole lot of adventure.

The 3 things I learned about quests from this book are:

1. When you hear the world calling out to you, listen
2. Adjust your life to accommodate your quest.
3. Your quest is a reward in itself.

The author says that quests arise from external events, which shake awake an inner calling we carry. The best example for me was when I was on a yacht— I was having my champagne, looking out the coast, thinking I deserved it because I worked so hard for it… then I suddenly thought, “other businesswomen like me are working just as hard but they can’t have this because they’re doing something wrong…” and that’s when I started having a vague idea of Creatige.

In a way to pursue this idea, I had to make adjustments— to make time, to allot energy, and focus on this idea. It wasn’t easy but knowing what I’m working towards and knowing what I know now, it was all definitely worth it.

I wouldn’t achieve this feeling of fulfillment if I hadn’t pursued this dream. So, always trust your gut and pursue that calling.

The Happiness Project

Gretchen Rubin

On an apparent bus ride home, Gretchen has an epiphany… she thought, “I’m not as happy as I could be.”

And it wasn’t because of her life situation… but how she perceived it. To find answers, she made a year-long commitment to work on improving her happiness.

She emphasized in the book that everyone’s happiness project will be different— what makes you happy might not make me happy and vice versa.

But she also had the formula to be happy and a part of that formula says we have “to work to include an aspect of growth in your life— a sense of progress, advancement, increasing abundance, potential, opportunity, learning, mastery, responsibility.”

Just like success, happiness isn’t a passive state. It is something we choose every day— an unceasing effort.

I know it can be scary to leave what you’re used to for something new— however exciting it may be. But always remember that there are people who can and will help.

FREE GIFT ALERT!

If you need help going out of your comfort zone and exploring something new, I have something that can help you: FREE 30-min Brand Audit

In this consultation, I will help you discover and create a plan to implement them in your personal life and in your business right now. I will help you get a clear path, find your own space in the market, be attractive, and magnetize your ideal clients to position yourself as an expert in your chosen niche.

I am very much looking forward to hearing from you!

All the best,

Berjheny