Things are not as they seem...

Do you ever assume way more than you should about people without knowing their truths? If you answered no to this, you’re lying to yourself and those around you. We all have. We’ve all been guilty of thinking we know someone’s story based on our reality and perceptions. For example, when you see an expensive car being driven by a gorgeous blonde, what’s your first thought? Probably something not too kind. Probably something you’d only admit to your closest of friends - if even them. But what if that gorgeous blonde driving that pricey vehicle just left the hospital where she held her son’s tiny hands as he took his last breath. What if she rebuilt her life after growing up in abuse and poverty. And somewhere, deep inside, she had this vision of buying that exact car for herself. Now, she’s driving her dream car. What if the money to buy the car was at the cost of losing her husband and children in a house fire??

Judging others, though we do it naturally, can be unkind and definitely unnecessary. Do you take the time to know others’ stories, or do you judge first? Be honest with yourself. I’m just as guilty as the next person. Trust me, I’m not proud of this at all. I’ve had to realize I do this and retrain my brain to stop. There are still times when I judge first, realize what I’m doing, then stop myself from continuing the judgment.?

A few months ago, I was on the receiving end of someone creating an image of me that wasn’t accurate. To be completely open and honest, I’m still working through some of the details and searching for understanding and forgiveness within myself. It’s going to take a while. It’s going to take a few “untils” until I figure out how to forgive myself in the situation as well as forgive the other person. I wonder what I could have done differently. How could I have been a better person? Since we can’t change the past (unless you can time travel), I wonder how I can learn from this situation and move forward.?

You see, I keep my personal life, well, personal. Having lived through an abusive marriage, I tend to be hesitant in building friendships, opening up to a community, or sometimes even trusting myself to know who to trust. I have always found it upsetting to have people in my life (in whatever capacity) who embellish in their own truths, slander others, or lack the integrity to come to the table when invited. When I was a child, Mama taught us that we can’t change others - only our reactions to them. Looks like I still have some learning to do!

Oh, the situation, you may ask! In summary, puzzle pieces were put together to create an entirely different image than what truly happened. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter - and that’s what I am choosing to focus on instead of the slander, the incorrect picture, and the lies being told behind my back. We’ve heard it time and again, and I know it sounds cliche but… hurt people, hurt people. We can’t change others. All we can do is know our own truths and change our reactions to their actions. Does it bother me to think of others believing the lies? YES! Do I get frustrated at the entire situation? ABSOLUTELY! But that’s not what matters. What matters is that I know the truth. Let others talk about me, let them stir the pot behind my back, let them lie. Other people’s opinions are none of my business. (Still working on this one!)?

We’ve been conditioned from a very young age to care about others’ thoughts and feelings - especially when they’re about us. Most of us present ourselves in a certain way based on what was expected of us in our younger years. If we take it a step further, that’s exactly why people throw shade, create lies, gossip, and don’t come to the table. They, too, have been conditioned to get attention when they behave in a certain way. We all know, as adults, that negative attention is the same as positive attention. Attention is attention. Those who crave negative attention as adults lacked positive attention in their childhood. Kinda sad if you look at it that way. However, the sadness of their reality certainly does not condone unacceptable behaviors.?

As the sun sets on this beautiful day, I think of my situation and wonder how I may grow from it. I wonder how I can love those who have intentionally hurt me. I don’t have an answer at this moment. What I do have, however, is grace and a handful of untils. I’ll work on finding the love until it’s there. I’ll work on forgiveness until I’ve forgiven. I’ll work on acceptance of others’ flaws until I accept them. We are all flawed. We can all keep a handful of untils in our pockets for the most difficult of situations in our lives. If I can forgive myself for being in an abusive marriage, this particular situation should be a breeze. Right?