The Things I've Learned: A year after being a Co-Executive Director

1. Yes, it was who I was, but it's also not my Identity:

GSA Network has been a driving force for me for 23 years, just a little over half my life.? While GSA Network and particularly Co-Leading GSA Network was almost entirely who I was on a daily basis, it was not, in fact, I learned my identity. I know it sounds like a silly thing to need to learn, but I think for many leaders we lose the borders of our own identity and reputation and that of the organization.? GSA Network could and did? go on without me.? I, however, can't actually go on without me.? GSA Network continued to be the Jet, the Fuel, and the Spark for me, propelling and accelerating my leadership journey for 2 decades. It provided a platform where my authentic identity could be the basis for the boldest, best version of myself as a leader.? But I was, and have become, many more things (like a middle aged hermit) that somehow I forgot I was also allowed to be along the way. ? Start thinking about what you want your identity to be before you start your transition out.

2. Leaving Home was a Grief Process:

The departure from GSA Network was a grief process, not akin to losing a family member like my father, but more like the grief experienced when moving to a new city or facing an empty nest. Losing GSA Network as an anchor for my identity was unanticipated, leading to a sense of drifting away from the familiar. This change should be prepared for not just as a transition but also as a source of personal loss. Consultation with grief and death doula friends could have been beneficial, but by the time I realized what was happening, I had already reached acceptance having wondering aimlessly for a few months through the metaphorical woods. It's crucial to prepare for this kind of change as both a professional transition and personal source of loss.

3. Co-Leaders still have to sacrifice:

The reason we had a Co-Executive leadership structure was to try create a more sustainable way of leadership that didn't require massive sacrifice of the executive director to keep things running. Despite the Co-Leadership structure, sacrifices were evident in my social network, personal life, and retirement. My social media primarily consists of GSA Network alumni and former staffers leading incredible initiatives. The sacrifice, through humble and dedicated service, enabled me to reach higher than I thought possible, creating ripples that will last for generations. For me, that sacrifice was worth it. Executive leadership takes sacrifice, and now that there are two of you, that just means double the sacrifice - burden sharing through open communication about workload impacts and life events could help.

4. Once in a Generation, Once in Lifetime, all in 7 years:

Leading under Trump and navigating through the pandemic posed once in a generation and once in a lifetime leadership tests. They happened to leaders, within the space on seven years. Many executives who led during the last decade are stepping away due to the draining psychological and emotional toll. Serving as a community or organizational leader during 2016-2022 was emotionally and psychologically draining. Those in this leadership exodus may be more depleted and tapped out than we currently understand. Let's give ourselves permission to rest and contemplate the question “WTF happened?” while we support the courageous leaders who have stepped in to fill he void behind us.?

5. Authentic Leadership is tiring:

Being a Vulnerable and Authentic leader is really exhausting. While it is probably one of the most effective styles for someone like me to lead, leading organizations where your identity (like those of your members) is under political threat with devastating real life consequences, is simply put, really, really tiring. I think in times like these, it is a time to give ourselves permission to use a more detached, analytical or clinical leadership and decision-making style to lean into when emotionally it feels too hard to lead from authenticity.? Let’s make sure to really check in all our Black, brown, Indigenous, Trans Queer Two Spirit and women leaders leading our organizations and movements.?

6. Resilience is Cumulative:

As much as I thought I was a radical and hardcore queer high school youth activist with piercings and bleach blond hair, and then as post-post modern anti-capitalist, anti-war activist, able to withstand two nights in a jail cell and ready to ”die-in” our way to freedom, I was the proverbial snowflake compared to the grizzly I am today.? In terms of frequency and magnitude of high intensity challenges and my ability to understand the situation, the world, myself, and how to navigate psycho-emotional challenges presented by the leadership challenges only built over time and were not even comparable now that I’m 40s. Continue to build resiliency practices even if you are no longer a frontline organizer.

7. We should have known we couldn’t solve it all:

I was reflecting with Ginna that we did a lot in our time together. We were prolific in generating and implementing new ideas, strategies, policies, pivots or political realignments. We were in a near constant state of change at GSA Network (perhaps too much so), and I think part of that was driven by the desire and sense that we needed to fix all the things. It felt like with two Co-Executive Directors we should be able to do so too. The problem with problems is there are always more of them. Don’t try to solve all the things, prioritize and make a meaningful impact in the time you are there.

8. I know more than I thought I knew and TQ2S youth taught me everything I know:

When I left GSA Network, I felt I had niche expert knowledge in trans queer youth organizing and the issues LGBTQ2S youth face in schools but that had limited relevancy. While the content expertise may be specific, the challenges we navigated with trans youth and mental health support nearly 10 years ago, are the solutions that the general population seeks now. The innovations and approaches we took to management and leadership through our decolonized approach, to create space and voice for trans and queer staff of color, are way more advanced than current DEI frames. Don’t just DEI, let’s Decolonize Management Leadership practices.

9. It’s Ok to not be doing “the next big thing”:

Working at GSA Network and achieving the impacts I had on the GSA and LGBTQ2S+ youth movement does feel like I have served my calling and fulfilled my purpose for the time I was needed. I was feeling anxious about having the time I needed to find my "next big thing," i.e., a project I could give it all to like GSA Network. Although I’ll continue to strive to make a meaningful impact in the LGBTQ+ Racial Justice Space, I don’t know that I feel it’s necessary for me to find a place I’m so passionate about I want to be a full-time executive-level leader. Perhaps what I’ve done is enough; I don’t have to pick up another baton or have to run this next leg at full sprint. Let's slow down, its ok to not pick up the next baton right away.

10. Co-Leadership let me be the best leader I could be, and being a Co-Leader changed me:

Working as a Co-Leader allowed me to excel at the parts of the job I was good at while protecting the rest of the staff from the parts I was bad at. Being out of GSA Network also meant I was out of my Co-Leadership partnership (replaced by a more brilliantly shining diamond), and for the first time in seven plus years, I found myself facing major work-related decisions alone. It also meant I was responsible for all of the job, including parts of the job that I was less good (bad) at. The way I approach decisions with a WWG2D (what would Ginna do) lens and collaborative evolving of ideas, and I am less bound to my vision of how things should be, is definitely a welcome evolution in my own programming. I feel confidently equipped now to serve as a solo ED (But who would want to?). Being a Co-Leader made me a much stronger and more considerate leader and person.? If you are a good team, embrace letting your co-leader and the experience change your leadership… and cross-train!?