The 'Things-I-wish-I-knew-at-25' Post

The first thing that you need to know about a ‘Things I wish I knew when I was 25’ article is that the list keeps evolving as you grow older. I myself must have written a dozen posts on this at different points in the past decade. Yet, when I re-read them, I am amazed at the new lessons I wish I could have given to my own 25-year-old self for a better life experience.

?Youth is beautiful, overflowing with health & enthusiasm, dreams & desires, hormones & hunger. And it comes with a long runway, giving you length, flexibility & a wider sample size to play your options. Youth is also trainable & impressionable. At 25, you’re intellectually malleable & philosophically impressionable. It is easy to get a buy-in from a you at 25 & mold you for the better ( provided you’re paying attention). And of course, a younger self is a quick learner & easy adapter of new things, especially necessary technology in a fast-paced world.

?Youth is also, however, vulnerable to ego-needs & easily swayed by externals. It is also restricted. On worldview, ?non-linear setbacks & unforeseen asymmetries of life. Life, as you realize, is learnt by living it. Happiness & disappointments, trophies & curve balls.

?Here’s a revised list for a Sunday read for my younger friends. I know, a sermon from a middle aged man on a Sunday morning is the last thing you may wish to read. But try me. Trust me, I too was like you once : ?free-spirited & rebellious, ambitious, overconfident & often reckless. Had someone told me these things at 25 & had I listened, maybe I could have done better.

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1. Your family will be all you’ll have as you grow older, who’ll stay by you when the winters of life come knocking. It’s easy to take family for granted when you’re going through the spring of life, surrounded by rainbows & music, lovers & seasonal friends. But while you assume there’ll always be that one weekend when you’re finally done with ‘living it up’, you’ll find time for family – it may be late. Because, while you’re lost in the stupor & races of youth, your family is growing older & packing up. Nothing will haunt you more than looking at a familiar number in your phone directory one evening, but knowing that there’s nobody on the other side to pick it up.
2. 25 is when you need to prepare yourself physically for the battles you’ll have beyond 35. And there’ll be many. Rejections & setbacks, ailments & hospital corridors. Your body can be deceptive & make you believe that it can handle every abuse with ease, but in reality it keeps getting eroded from within. Every cigarette, every extra ounce of alcohol during a drinking-spree, every sedentary day & every wild night is getting documented in your body’s report card. They’ll all come back – sooner than later. Likewise, every healthy meal, every hour of exercise, every good night’s sleep & every positive thought also gets recorded, and shows up with interest.
3. Your early career is all about how much you can soak in & build upon – knowledge, experience & the power of good will networks. Till 35, go for the learning, and go with a step-by-step plan to ‘construct’ the next 30 years beyond 35. If you waste this decade, you’ll never recover. This is a decade of investment that pays exponential returns later. This is the decade which will separate your peers who’ll end up at the highest rungs of their professions & others who’ll spend the rest of their lives at the watercooler, complaining about the unfair scales of life.
4. 25 is the age when you need to start defining your brand. What you stand for, and importantly - ?what you do not stand for. And these should not be about mere slogans and trending fads of the day, but about real principles. More importantly, applying them in your daily life. As you’ll grow older, you’ll realize that fighting or arguing for principles is far easier than actually living by the same principles.
5. Make a lot of friends. All kinds of friends. Agree, not all of them may turn out to be great, but this is the age where you have the luxury of sampling. You reach age 25 by looking through a particular ( often narrow) aperture of life. Broaden your perspective by looking at life from other people’s lenses. You’ll be amazed and pleasantly surprised when you realize how many blind spots you carry. Never go for transactional friendships. The best friendships are where ‘1 + 1 >2’. Add value to your friends and draw value from them. The first mastermind networks that you form and which will pay you dividends in later life, start here.
6. Picking the right partner is the most important decision of your life. Never be hasty & driven by externals alone, as this one decision can completely alter your entire future life – for better or for worse. That doesn’t mean you become a commitment phobic with trust issues in every relationship. But evaluate beyond the visible person in front of you, when you commit. Look for empathy and listening skills. Check for values & subtle behaviors. Examine for family compatibility. A good test is to give yourself a 1-year window and see how your overall life shapes up when you’ve been in a relationship. Have you grown into a better human being, are you healthier & more energetic, are you more inspired at your work and getting ahead, do you smile more often, have your relationships with others become better ..? If otherwise, PAUSE, and rethink.
7. Educate yourself on money matters. Learn from experts. No matter how little you earn, make sure you follow the ‘Income minus investment = Expenditure’ rule. Don’t allow yourself to be sucked into a rat race of showing off your toys. Know your needs from your wants. Never build up debts. Staying debt-free and having ‘F*ck you money’ in your bank is the most liberating gift you can give yourself.
8. When you’re young, you’ll be touched by a lot of people who’ll support you with no selfish interests. These are not just your family, but also outsiders & colleagues, neighbors and strangers. Cultivate an attitude of gratitude. Never assume the world ‘owes you’ these favors. Acknowledge them, thank them and try to repay them in your own way. When you are selfish & gulp down good turns without thankfulness, the people who did those favors may not mind, but others notice. Nobody loves or respects an ungrateful person, and soon you’ll notice that you will stop getting help when you need, if you are not grateful for what you have. Then, the first cousin of gratitude is humility. As you coast through the good fortune of youth, learn to separate your luck from your talent, and stay humble. Humility, through an inner scorecard, is a shield that will stay with you as you grow older and hit life's plateaus. An arrogant youngster ends up as a lonely person on mid-life plateaus.
9. Cultivate a habit of integrity – in ?words & in deed. As you grow older, integrity will be a very strong badge that will get you respected & welcomed. Be known to be a person who honors commitments, who never lies ( even white lies), and whose word can be relied upon.
10. Don’t go through life looking for reasons to be sour. Eventually, you’ll notice that optimists shape the world. Every night, document your days in your journal. Little by little, snip out the negativity from your life. Learn from your own life and from other people’s lives. Write down what you learn and apply them. This is the right age for you to start your quest for something greater than yourself. Spend time on self-reflection. Examine your thoughts. Go within. Become the person who you’d like to have around yourself when you feel lost in life’s existential questions.

("In the end, the good guy wins. Be the good guy" - From As You Life It, my 2020 book)

?The best thing about your 25th birthday is that you still remember your 10th birthday in vivid detail. The not-so-nice thing about it, is that you’re now equidistant from that birthday and your 40th birthday. You can choose the you that you’ll be at 40. Your clock starts NOW.

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(Ayon’s Blog? – 13th October’24). Feel free to leave comments.

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