Recently, I was attending a workshop and this topic was given as an end of the session assignment. I made a note of this task in my todo list but it kept getting deprioritized with all the other important work. I then committed a small amount of time consistently for this task as I deeply resonated with the idea of identifying my learnings & sharing wisdom to my younger self & to others.
What would they be? I wondered ??
The How?
I have been a big fan of practicing self reflections to the extent that I still perform daily reflection sessions for my work life. Daily reflection sessions help you to learn from today, plan for tomorrow and the week ahead thus making you more organized, planned & effective. Regularly reviewing your self-behavior with kindness and honesty helps you uncover all the inefficiencies, mistakes you have made & most importantly brings a lot of self awareness.
However this post will be the deepest I have reflected ever as it covers all my life experiences and my existence on this planet so far. These are a few things which I would like to tell my younger self as it would have saved tons of my time & effort in addressing those challenges.
It has been a month’s effort in terms of self reflection, discovery, writing etc. and I hope you enjoy reading & learning from it as much as I have enjoyed writing & living it.
I had so much fun doing this that I have now taken a decision to do this every 5 years!
The What?
I have categorized my learnings into 8 sections mentioned below. You can either directly go to the section of your choice or read along.
Personality Development
No one else will believe in you so start believing in yourself
Your cannot make everyone happy all the time so stop pleasing people
Learn to enjoy little things in life & learn to laugh without a reason
Be yourself as everyone else already exists. People should love you for your ethics, values etc. & ignore them if they love you for anything else such as your body, looks, money etc. Be an artist and paint yourself on the canvas called life without any societal pressures
Do not let others play with you & define who you are and who you should have been as you are good ENOUGH
Always focus on identifying what makes you happier & be ready as it will keep changing
Rejection is sometimes God’s plan to give you a new direction. Everything happens for a reason, don’t blame yourself for everything and you will understand eventually.
Your personality will keep evolving & it is okay if your psychometrics tests keep changing.
Go to 16personalities.com
and understand your personality type, deep dive through the free suggestions and bring out the best version of yourself
Relationship Management
Treat others only the way you would want to be treated
Always choose quality over quantity when it comes to friends, family etc.
Understand the difference between the people who care about you via healthy criticism v/s the people who want to manipulate you & your emotions
Choose words wisely as you cannot take them back once spoken as anger is one alphabet away from (D)anger. Speak to yourself or type out your anger but don’t send that message or email and see how you feel after writing it. If you still feel convinced then you can send that message or call the person to share your emotions.
It’s okay to say NO to tasks, toxic people, work environments etc. and you are not guilty of hurting as people understand eventually
It’s important to tell the people how you feel about them so if you don’t express them they will not know your emotions
Assumptions have killed more relationships compared to realities so avoid making strong assumptions in your mind
It’s also good to apologize once you realize your mistakes and leave things to time for natural healing
You cannot change your friends, colleagues or neighbors so accepting the rawness and imperfections in people is important. Emotional expectations are the number one reason for broken relationships
Understand your love language & that of your spouse
Focussed Learning
Identify scalable learning frameworks per your choice as learning cant stop at school. Examples of structured learning — online courses, classroom learning, executive courses & examples of unstructured learning — self reading, blogs, youtube etc.
Read a lot of life stage based contextual books to prepare yourself for what’s coming ahead
Sometimes learning from people is easier than learning from books so observe, listen and learn from the mistakes made by people around you. You can make new mistakes!
Spend money on experiences & not things as experiences will shape your thoughts. You cannot speak or express words which are not in your vocabulary so traveling might actually expand your line of thinking.
You will have enough time to enjoy & do whatever you want once you complete your academics & start settling in your life professionally. No one will stop you from watching that late night movie which they would have once stopped you from watching during your academic days so focus on deep & conceptual learning while you can.
Don’t rush or be anxious if you did not get the right grade as your life does not end there. Keep your head down and chase your ambitions with honest efforts. It might take more time but you will get there.
During academic time, the exam calendar & syllabus both tend to be if not fixed at-least predictable. Life on the other hand has surprise quizzes and for some reason if you are under-prepared for life then only you are responsible
Procrastination is the biggest unseen villain in your life, take charge and defeat the demon
Nothing goes as per the plan 100% and it’s okay, review the challenges & identify solutions. There is no right way of doing anything so being flexible will pay dividends in the long run
If something doesn’t FEEL right it is NOT right, listen to your gut feelings. Don’t try to fight your intuition as its beyond what the heart can feel & the head can think
You will never know what you want but you will always know what you don’t want so the elimination method is easier and will reduce your confusion
If you can’t decide the answer is a NO so stop overthinking
If you still made a wrong choice, it is not the end and you will recover from it even if you feel you cant at that time
You only need to make 5 big decisions in your life about — education, career, relationships, health & finances etc. so stop over complicating your life by meaningless shiny objects of distractions. Some examples given below
Make a 5 to 10 year plan by identifying your dreams/goals and run after them with all the passion of your life
Goal Setting & Productivity
Being busy does not mean being successful
There is no end to ToDo lists so focus on making small progress everyday
Being soft does not mean you are weak so don’t try to over-harden yourself, in reality finding the right balance is the key
Dreams without actions are nothing so if you dream big, GO big. Remember, hard work beats talent when talent doesn’t work hard enough so keep doing your karma and leave the rest to the almighty
Setting ambitious goals is good but also be kind to yourself as the world might not be. Don’t be shy to take risks or be afraid to fail as failure is one step near to success
Perfection is the enemy of good so dont chase perfection but keep doing good consistently and you will get your results
Take regular breaks from critical tasks, it will energize you. Also ensure you have your ME time even if you get busy with different stages of life such as marriage or parenthood
Managing Money & Finances
You don’t need a lot of money to live a fulfilling life but you will need a lot of money if you want to build a societal perception so focus on living your life on your own terms
Understand the difference between earning money & building wealth. Make intelligent investments so that money starts working for you when you are sleeping.
Don’t compare your lifestyle with anyone as only you know your story & challenges
Meet a financial planner & create an asset allocation & security plan for yourself & your spouse
Create a budget and document your expenses, learn to stay within your budget.
Perform a Needs v/a Want analysis before taking any decision for a bigger purchase.
If you still want to buy something, sleep over it for 3 days, if you still feel like buying, go ahead and buy it
Self care & Health
Monitor your mobile usage and set limits for scrolling based apps
Life is not perfect so there will be cycles of highs & lows. The good part about cycles is that the low phase will always end so hang on tight. Low phase is also okay, learn through them but don’t be shy to ask for help during sustained or longer lows.
Prioritize mental health and practice meditation or some form of activity which will give you mindfulness. It’s okay to be not okay as acceptance is the first victory.
Have a habit of writing down your thoughts as they give you a sense of clarity & willcalm you down
Learn to maintain good discipline & routine in life
Ensure you have food at a fixed time
Understand your skin type & build a daily skincare regime
Take care of your teeth to avoid root canals ??
Take care of your muscle to fat ratio via daily exercise as body stops building muscle/calcium after a certain age. You are a female take even more care as you need to take care of your hormonal balance as well
Take care of your sleep cycle and sleep at a fixed time
Giving back to the Society
Make regular contributions in terms of time, effort & money towards society, it will give you a lot of peace & a sense of contentment
Be ready to give without expecting anything if return in an emotional relationship asits less painful & more fulfilling
Learn to give first rather than expecting first in any professional relationship or networking opportunity
Understand the difference between willingness to give & getting abused for your efforts & services
Conclusion
If you are reading this now and feeling missed out or guilty of making these mistakes, it’s okay because you are an outcome of your life experiences, hardships etc. No one lived our life like you did so you should only love and respect yourself for that. However, what you can do is not to make the same mistakes again and help other souls learn out of your experiences.
Suggestion
Spend time with yourself and reflect on your life’s learnings. Self awareness is one of the rarest abilities I have seen in people so if you have understood yourself now, you can excel 2x your previous speed and still make a dent in this big world!
Things that I remembered from you Aditya Chintawar at office was "I was like you Rizhaf, you did some goals scheduled, more organized and well planed even for your growth to keep learning and being productive. Keep doing man!" ?? ??
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Business Data Analyst
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International Marketing and Business Development Lead @ Lucky Textiles Group | Sales, Marketing
7 个月Well said Aditya Chintawar