Things I don’t allow in my ‘myself’ place

*My Age

When I was 19, I remember dating a lady that was 54 years old and I tell you, we had a lot of fun, until she had to leave the country. That was one of the best year I had with a relationship. The way I feel about myself and ‘Age’ is good, because to me it’s just a number and I think if you feel good about yourself, the ‘Age’ won’t matter. I got out ride on my bicycle, by a guy that was 15 years older than me, so yeah, that ‘Age’ thing is just a number.

*The Job

As I find myself in uncomfortable situation at my job, I would remember what I have in development and what was coming to help shape my future. The thought of me thinking that what I do define me is not possible. I feel with a beautiful dream and plan set to motion. I can look at my job as a ‘means to an end’ that would help funnel my projects. I see my three boys and I know they believe in me and my doings, so why would I let ‘the job’ define me?

*The results

I started to get angry as I sit in a jail cell, thinking on how I end up with these type of ‘results’ I was good, went to college got my degree, finish in the top ten percent. Now I’m sitting behind bars angry and confuse, but little did I know, it was for my greater good. I would tune out the noise, to get a better understanding on why my jail ‘results’ doesn’t determine my intelligence, I would realize what really measures my dedication and integrity.

*The distances

I used to look at all the guys in my age range that was living the fast life and would beat up myself on why they were beating me. Some of these guys didn’t even do much in high school, come to find out the fast life they were living came with unwanted circumstance’s. The ‘distances’ was for me to understand what pace was safe for me. An old fellow told me once “young man, this race is not for the swift, but the one’s that can go the distance” I found my pace for this ‘distances’(journey) so no matter who I see passing I don’t get angry for I know where I’m going.

*The following

This dream of mind showed me a big following, but as I learn that nothing for me come easy, I don’t put a value on myself base on my very small ‘following’, the group of people that want to know who I am will find me and see the value in me for themselves. I learn during my time in jail that sometimes what is shown in the news as real is not even real and most media platforms preferred the false news. I will not be in the business of false news, so the ‘following’ doesn’t really matter to me as much. I want to be straight with you, no matter what platform that is.

*The friends

I had a couple thousand friends before I went to jail, that number change drastically to less than a hundred. Then I realize I didn’t really have that many friend and its should have mattered to me, as seeing then that I wouldn’t have much to bring to the table. The important thing to understand about a ‘friend’ is what their view is about you as they go through chapters of life with you. It doesn’t matter the number of ‘friends’, what matter is how many will be with you in the storms.

*The ‘To-Do List’

I remember watching the movie call “the bucketlist” with Morgan freeman. marking off items on the ‘to-do-list’ is a good feeling when the experience was amazing, but I don’t let that control how I feel about myself. I remember when everyone I knew would leave to island to a foreign land and I would always want to be in their situation with that same opportunity, but I’ve learn that I am as special and important as those people with those opportunity. My faith and path were design different and if I paid attention to my journey, the ‘to-do-list’ became something very normal for me. I could not imagine myself avoiding doing certain things that could help shape my future, with a worry of failing. I have told myself from day one that I will not succeed at everything, but I will pay attention to the learning lesson details.

*The Appearance

I love fashion from I was a teenager, doing modeling and getting free brand clothes, the feel was beautiful, but I never do it for the compliments, comments or likes that comes with it. I had learned to appreciate the art in a design and wanted to be a part of it. I know one day I will get old and things, feel and look will change. I see many people spend all kind of money on their ‘Appearance’ most in the physical areas, but one shouldn’t allow that to define the true self. God have blessed every one of us with a unique look, why should we change that? That to me shows the creator that I’m hard to be satisfied. The one thing I know for fact, as one gets older, the features change and as much as one try to save that ‘Appearance’ it will still go.

*The People

A lot of time ‘people’ will look at the cover of a book to determine if they want to read it or not. ‘People’ will make their judgement on what they see, after I realize that I would sometime dress a certain way to get a reaction and ninety five percent of the time, the reaction I was hoping for would suffice. I understand that what ‘people’ think of me is none of my business, I would learn to not lose sleep over things that was out of my control.

*The Status

I am a human being just like everyone else and no matter what my ‘status’ is I have a purpose in this world, something to say and give. We gain knowledge and understanding to accomplish things that would give a certain ‘status’, but what is the relative social, professional, or other standing of oneself, if oneself is lost in all of it?

Cornell Bunting